Screwed up now I’m try to fix

My girlfriend and I were together for about a year. I’m 45, we have the most natural relationship I’ve ever had in my entire life. I suffer from anxiety disorder. My ex girlfriend want to move to a different state in town. I didn’t really want to but I want to make her happy. So I got a job in that state and town and started to commute. I was about to or three weeks into it and I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack so I called an ambulance. Once we got to the hospital then it up I was having extreme panic attack. They prescribed an anti-anxiety pill while I was there. I continue to try and go to the job and commute. I just kept getting worse and worse. I ended up disappointing her I’m quitting the job. This was a really big dream for her and I ended up really messing things up. Couple weeks later we ended up going to a big party for her daughter‘s birthday. I was really upset that day because she had been giving me the cold shoulder. And I took one of those anti-anxiety pills. About nine or 10 o’clock in the morning. That night there was drinking at the party I got so drunk. I’ve never been altered before the drinking with the anti-anxiety pill turned me onto this thing that I don’t recognize. Once we got home she said that I wasn’t who she thought I was in so we were through. I won’t go into the details because that would be the betray some trust. But the things I said that night I have no idea where they came from. I am so embarrassed. She started moving out slowly that stayed in contact texting hanging out I can tell that she misses me . Sometimes whenever she text tonight she said she misses snuggling there’s been flirting but then there’s this huge cold. Afterwords. This is been going on for two months she makes statements that she still loves me that she’s considering far in the future as getting back together now for the last week or so I feel her pulling away even further. I’ve Chased Her I’ve made statements about fixing things. And I will say the things that I’ve said I would change and I have. I’m not a drunk I don’t get high. But I am very sensitive to medicine. I’ve betrayed her trust and I’ve showed her a very ugly side. She still talks every day So I’ve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection. I don’t wanna come off as needy but I miss her every day I miss the family that we were building. I just don’t know what to do next. I’ve never been to a cheater so I’ve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connections. I just don’t know what to do next. I’ve never been A cheater or betrayer usually that’s been taken care of but my partners in life. I’m 45 and I’ve never been a position where I’ve screwed up so royally. If I could set down to make a list of how to destroy my relationship I don’t think I could’ve done a better job other than cheating. I really need help.

You need to get help for your anxiety disorder and the underlying issues. That means leaving her alone, going no contact, and focusing on yourself.

With anxiety, the underlying root cause is usually the avoidance of emotions and feelings. As in... you feel something that makes you uncomfortable and instead of facing it, you try everything you can to avoid feeling it. The end result usually manifests as depression and anxiety and in extreme cases, panic disorder.

There are lots of different types of therapy you can do to help manage your anxiety... if you want to be successful in future relationships this is something you will want to take seriously.

There is a book called Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn that was life changing for me in how I deal with anxiety. That and an app you can download on your phone called Headspace. Without those two things after my separation I wouldn't be where I am today.

You need to get help for your anxiety disorder and the underlying issues. That means leaving her alone, going no contact, and focusing on yourself.

 

With anxiety, the underlying root cause is usually the avoidance of emotions and feelings. As in... you feel something that makes you uncomfortable and instead of facing it, you try everything you can to avoid feeling it. The end result usually manifests as depression and anxiety and in extreme cases, panic disorder.

 

There are lots of different types of therapy you can do to help manage your anxiety... if you want to be successful in future relationships this is something you will want to take seriously.

 

There is a book called Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn that was life changing for me in how I deal with anxiety. That and an app you can download on your phone called Headspace. Without those two things after my separation I wouldn't be where I am today.

Great advice. Focus on your anxiety, or your cannot have a healthy relationship.

Actually have that app on Headspace. I received medication and I am in therapy. I have no way of describing how good things were. I’m not looking back on her with rose-colored glasses. I am focusing on myself but I really want to try to find someway to fix this relationship. She’s my best friend I had a 13 year marriage to someone else and never felt so close.

Well, you say YOU never felt so close, but what about her?

There's something seriously wrong here and you need to get help before you can see things clearly. I think part of your recovery should include going No Contact. Your girlfriend is just torturing you by contacting you every day and making promises about getting back together but not making any effort to help and support you. Does she have some psychological issues as well? She's using you as a crutch so that she feels better while you get worse. Perhaps that's why you had a panic attack in the first place.

You need therapy and you need to cut contact with her and focus on your healing. Seek out therapy and get a good doctor to work on your medication.

Sorry to hear this. Did you live together? How long were you divorced before you started dating her?

Pull back on this. This 'connection' could be nothing more than the friendzone. Don't get hooked on benzos. Finds appropriate ongoing therapy. Make it your mission to improve your life and get a handle on the anxiety/panic attacks.

My girlfriend and I were together for about a year. I took one of those anti-anxiety pills. That night there was drinking at the party I got so drunk. Once we got home she said that I wasn’t who she thought I was in so we were through. she still loves me that she’s considering far in the future. She still talks every day So I’ve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection.

I’ve betrayed her trust and I’ve showed her a very ugly side. She still talks every day So I’ve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection. I don’t wanna come off as needy but I miss her every day I miss the family that we were building. I just don’t know what to do next. I’ve never been to a cheater so I’ve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connections. I just don’t know what to do next. I’ve never been A cheater or betrayer usually that’s been taken care of but my partners in life. I’m 45 and I’ve never been a position where I’ve screwed up so royally. If I could set down to make a list of how to destroy my relationship I don’t think I could’ve done a better job other than cheating. I really need help.

So, given how many times you mentioned it, would it be correct to assume you cheated on her? Or told her you did? I don't really get where you're going with the cheater talk.

I will say this, though: this episode is likely only the straw that broke the camel's back. You mentioned you'd quit your job, which disappointed her. Then you say she'd been giving you the cold shoulder. It sounds to me like perhaps this break-up was coming anyway, and this intoxicated incident is just what finally pushed her to act.

For the above reason, I would be careful in continuing cozy chats with her. She could just be coming to you for attention until she finds someone she does want to date.

A lot of my relationships my partner has cheated. It’s kinda a hot button. She was one of the few I can trust. I didn’t notice I said that so many times.

We did live together. She still helps with my children. I could be misdiagnosing the connection. At least after the break up. She’s really bitter and angry And very stubborn LOL. Always has been. We never really fought before this. It was a very good relationship. I’ve been separated from my wife for three years before we started this. I didn’t wanna move. I only wanted two because she was so in love with a culture of where we were looking at. I really do love her and I do trust her even now. I’m just really confused on how to read what’s going on. I don’t know she’s using me as a crutch. But I do know this ended so abruptly without the cooling down or fighting That usually occurs at the end of a relationship. It was just like hitting a brick wall at 100 mph. I’ve always had anxiety issues it was just a really bad couple of weeks they ruined a really good thing. Things have really cool down with our interactions the last week or so I think I’m about to find out if she’s trying to MoveOn or trying to find a way past this.

And we did feel really close she brought up getting married only a couple of weeks before this. I won’t live in denial but I also won’t let a really bad couple of weeks define a really good relationship.