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Thread: Screwed up now Iím try to fix

  1. #1
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    Screwed up now Iím try to fix

    My girlfriend and I were together for about a year. Iím 45, we have the most natural relationship Iíve ever had in my entire life. I suffer from anxiety disorder. My ex girlfriend want to move to a different state in town. I didnít really want to but I want to make her happy. So I got a job in that state and town and started to commute. I was about to or three weeks into it and I couldnít breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack so I called an ambulance. Once we got to the hospital then it up I was having extreme panic attack. They prescribed an anti-anxiety pill while I was there. I continue to try and go to the job and commute. I just kept getting worse and worse. I ended up disappointing her Iím quitting the job. This was a really big dream for her and I ended up really messing things up. Couple weeks later we ended up going to a big party for her daughterĎs birthday. I was really upset that day because she had been giving me the cold shoulder. And I took one of those anti-anxiety pills. About nine or 10 oíclock in the morning. That night there was drinking at the party I got so drunk. Iíve never been altered before the drinking with the anti-anxiety pill turned me onto this thing that I donít recognize. Once we got home she said that I wasnít who she thought I was in so we were through. I wonít go into the details because that would be the betray some trust. But the things I said that night I have no idea where they came from. I am so embarrassed. She started moving out slowly that stayed in contact texting hanging out I can tell that she misses me . Sometimes whenever she text tonight she said she misses snuggling thereís been flirting but then thereís this huge cold. Afterwords. This is been going on for two months she makes statements that she still loves me that sheís considering far in the future as getting back together now for the last week or so I feel her pulling away even further. Iíve Chased Her Iíve made statements about fixing things. And I will say the things that Iíve said I would change and I have. Iím not a drunk I donít get high. But I am very sensitive to medicine. Iíve betrayed her trust and Iíve showed her a very ugly side. She still talks every day So Iíve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection. I donít wanna come off as needy but I miss her every day I miss the family that we were building. I just donít know what to do next. Iíve never been to a cheater so Iíve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connections. I just donít know what to do next. Iíve never been A cheater or betrayer usually thatís been taken care of but my partners in life. Iím 45 and Iíve never been a position where Iíve screwed up so royally. If I could set down to make a list of how to destroy my relationship I donít think I couldíve done a better job other than cheating. I really need help.
    Last edited by thromadric; 11-07-2018 at 10:28 AM. Reason: Errors in voice to text

  2. #2
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    You need to get help for your anxiety disorder and the underlying issues. That means leaving her alone, going no contact, and focusing on yourself.

    With anxiety, the underlying root cause is usually the avoidance of emotions and feelings. As in... you feel something that makes you uncomfortable and instead of facing it, you try everything you can to avoid feeling it. The end result usually manifests as depression and anxiety and in extreme cases, panic disorder.

    There are lots of different types of therapy you can do to help manage your anxiety... if you want to be successful in future relationships this is something you will want to take seriously.

    There is a book called Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn that was life changing for me in how I deal with anxiety. That and an app you can download on your phone called Headspace. Without those two things after my separation I wouldn't be where I am today.

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    Originally Posted by maew
    You need to get help for your anxiety disorder and the underlying issues. That means leaving her alone, going no contact, and focusing on yourself.

    With anxiety, the underlying root cause is usually the avoidance of emotions and feelings. As in... you feel something that makes you uncomfortable and instead of facing it, you try everything you can to avoid feeling it. The end result usually manifests as depression and anxiety and in extreme cases, panic disorder.

    There are lots of different types of therapy you can do to help manage your anxiety... if you want to be successful in future relationships this is something you will want to take seriously.

    There is a book called Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn that was life changing for me in how I deal with anxiety. That and an app you can download on your phone called Headspace. Without those two things after my separation I wouldn't be where I am today.
    Great advice. Focus on your anxiety, or your cannot have a healthy relationship.

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    Actually have that app on Headspace. I received medication and I am in therapy. I have no way of describing how good things were. Iím not looking back on her with rose-colored glasses. I am focusing on myself but I really want to try to find someway to fix this relationship. Sheís my best friend I had a 13 year marriage to someone else and never felt so close.

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    Well, you say YOU never felt so close, but what about her?

    There's something seriously wrong here and you need to get help before you can see things clearly. I think part of your recovery should include going No Contact. Your girlfriend is just torturing you by contacting you every day and making promises about getting back together but not making any effort to help and support you. Does she have some psychological issues as well? She's using you as a crutch so that she feels better while you get worse. Perhaps that's why you had a panic attack in the first place.

    You need therapy and you need to cut contact with her and focus on your healing. Seek out therapy and get a good doctor to work on your medication.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Did you live together? How long were you divorced before you started dating her?

    Pull back on this. This 'connection' could be nothing more than the friendzone. Don't get hooked on benzos. Finds appropriate ongoing therapy. Make it your mission to improve your life and get a handle on the anxiety/panic attacks.
    Originally Posted by thromadric
    My girlfriend and I were together for about a year. I took one of those anti-anxiety pills. That night there was drinking at the party I got so drunk. Once we got home she said that I wasnít who she thought I was in so we were through. she still loves me that sheís considering far in the future. She still talks every day So Iíve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by thromadric
    Iíve betrayed her trust and Iíve showed her a very ugly side. She still talks every day So Iíve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connection. I donít wanna come off as needy but I miss her every day I miss the family that we were building. I just donít know what to do next. Iíve never been to a cheater so Iíve been hesitant to do no contact because she is making connections. I just donít know what to do next. Iíve never been A cheater or betrayer usually thatís been taken care of but my partners in life. Iím 45 and Iíve never been a position where Iíve screwed up so royally. If I could set down to make a list of how to destroy my relationship I donít think I couldíve done a better job other than cheating. I really need help.
    So, given how many times you mentioned it, would it be correct to assume you cheated on her? Or told her you did? I don't really get where you're going with the cheater talk.

    I will say this, though: this episode is likely only the straw that broke the camel's back. You mentioned you'd quit your job, which disappointed her. Then you say she'd been giving you the cold shoulder. It sounds to me like perhaps this break-up was coming anyway, and this intoxicated incident is just what finally pushed her to act.

    For the above reason, I would be careful in continuing cozy chats with her. She could just be coming to you for attention until she finds someone she does want to date.

  9. #8
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    A lot of my relationships my partner has cheated. Itís kinda a hot button. She was one of the few I can trust. I didnít notice I said that so many times.

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    We did live together. She still helps with my children. I could be misdiagnosing the connection. At least after the break up. Sheís really bitter and angry And very stubborn LOL. Always has been. We never really fought before this. It was a very good relationship. Iíve been separated from my wife for three years before we started this. I didnít wanna move. I only wanted two because she was so in love with a culture of where we were looking at. I really do love her and I do trust her even now. Iím just really confused on how to read whatís going on. I donít know sheís using me as a crutch. But I do know this ended so abruptly without the cooling down or fighting That usually occurs at the end of a relationship. It was just like hitting a brick wall at 100 mph. Iíve always had anxiety issues it was just a really bad couple of weeks they ruined a really good thing. Things have really cool down with our interactions the last week or so I think Iím about to find out if sheís trying to MoveOn or trying to find a way past this.

  11. #10
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    And we did feel really close she brought up getting married only a couple of weeks before this. I wonít live in denial but I also wonít let a really bad couple of weeks define a really good relationship.


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