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Thread: Still suffering from exís actions

  1. #1
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    Still suffering from exís actions

    Hi everyone. Iím really struggling with all aspects at the moment. I left my ex partner 17 months ago after finding out he was a sex addict also with a long term prostitute habit. I relocated to Harrogate UK after he begged me to move in with him. I was with him 3.5 years. I found out he had lived with 6 previous ex partners (he would never discuss his past relationships) all his previous relationships lasted a maximum of 2 years. They all left him too. Until I found everything out I was the happiest Iíve ever been. I loved my life. He was good to me & my family adored him. When I found out his double life I had to leave him & relocate all over again back home. I had to give up my job I loved, leave a place I loved, & a dream. I had to live with family until I could find a new home, get a new job & start all over again. Iíve lost a lot in salary & struggling to finance my own home alone. I had to take the first job offer to enable me to move back home. But Iím not happy there. My whole life got turned upside down because of him & Iíve struggled to readjust. My exís life was not affected at all. He just lost me. He still lives in our renal home, his job wasnít affected, his life carried on as normal. He met a new girlfriend within weeks of me leaving him. She lived 140 miles away & started a long distance relationship with him. She has now relocated & moved in with him to my old home. She has no idea of his life as I didnít. He deleted his Facebook heíd had for years & created a new one, he didnít want a new girlfriend to know any of his past life. I know he has cheated on her & used prostitutes since being with her. She is walking in my exact shoes. I feel so sorry for her. I contacted 2 of his previous girlfriends & they too left him due to his cheating. They didnít know however that he had a prostitute addiction that went back years, all his adult life. I am so hurt that my life is a struggle because of him & Iíve really suffered from his horrendous actions, yet his life was not affected & is wonderful. Iím not happy & struggling with so many aspects. Thereís no justice. I donít know how to get over the massive life changes

  2. #2
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    Ex is suffering from Sex addiction. Unless He works on getting it fixed it's going to happen again.

    His life is not wonderful. He is still dealing with sex addiction.

    None of this is your fault. You really need to start living your life and not focus on troubled ex.

    Write your own story.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Gold Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about all this.

    I know it's hard to see, in the middle of the storm, but your ex is hardly living a wonderful life. The man is a total mess, clearly miserable, living a life that is dangerous and destructiveóto himself, to others. That's his truth, and by the sounds of it not one he's going to change anytime soon.

    You are the lucky one right now. You're away from the danger, away from the source of pain. It's a raw spot, I know, but the path ahead is only full of possibility. Really try to remind yourself of that. That's where the justice is.

    None of his actions have anything to do with you. Nothing to do with your worth, your value, your attractiveness. Nothing. They are his dark pathology, and, in that path, you got hurt. Be grateful to be out of that path, as he spins in darkness.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    So sorry for your situation.....

    Just to relate and let you know you're not alone: My wife ended our marriage around 13 months ago now. She got everything including the house and has gone on to other men and a social life with the network of most of our friends...

    I've spent hundreds of $$ on therapy, GP's and all sorts of healing methods and medications to try and get through. I'm now couch surfing and quite isolated. I am though, very, very fortunate that I have 2 or 3 very patient friends that have been keeping an eye on me...Also a few people from here on ENA that have really helped me....

    I also remain grateful that I've managed to maintain my job and I have fairly good health*

    I wasn't perfect but I wasn't abusive either and did all I could to be a good husband, friend and stepfather to her kids....

    So why did she leave? As others have said, it's more about them than us....Also I feel sadly, that relationships have become very transient in todays world.

    Justice..? Karma...? Mmm, yeh, I dunno....It doesn't seem fair no, but it is what it is....

    Please take care of yourself and do what you need to do ok*

    Much Love

    Carus*

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How did you find this out? You did all the right things, even though it was difficult. The best thing you can do is delete him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. Do not contact his people any longer. You have your confirmation. Focus on your new life. Remember, what you miss was a faÁade. Keep in mind he seeks out victims he can dupe until they catch on.
    Originally Posted by Tracey06
    I left my ex partner 17 months ago after finding out he was a sex addict also with a long term prostitute habit.

  7. #6
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    Thank you Happyfrank. Yes he is a full on sex addict. Iím over him, but Iím not over the affects of his actions on my life. Itís had such drastic ramifications. I am starting therapy this weekend so hopefully slowly but surely my life will get better. Thank you for your kind words.

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    Thank you Bluecastle. Very wise & healing words of advice. Yes when you put it like that he is spinning darkness. I really feel helpless that I canít do anything to prevent him destroying more womenís lives. Sometimes the knowledge of what he is is like an anchor weighing me down. I wish I didnít know any of it. Thank you so much for the advice. It means a lot

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    Thank you Carus for sharing your experience with me. I really feel for you. I lost our mutual friends like you, itís so unfair. Life is tough sometimes & yes I agree with you relationships these days are incredibly transient. I am starting therapy this weekend so Iím hoping itís the start of better days ahead. I hope you find your stability & a happier life ahead too. Thank you once again for sharing your experience.

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    Hi Wiseman, well I found secret email address that he had on our laptop. The email adresses were linked to dating sites, swingers sites, prostitute booking sites etc. I saw all his messages & explicit pictures heíd sent & received from women. I also found hundreds of pictures heíd taken of himself having sex with all his ex girlfriends & other women. They were all timed & dated so I knew from the timelines that heíd cheated on all of his ex partners. There were also over a hundred videos of him having sex with different women, ex partners & random women but most were filmed without their consent. They didnít know they were being filmed. I told him everything I knew & had found & he was physically sick. Begging me to stay & not leave him. He was petrified of being on his own. Thatís why he jumps from one relationship straight into another, he canít be bear to be on his own. I also found out he was in bad debt, probably due to the prostitute habit. He begs his girlfriends to live with him but I know now that he uses women to share his household bills so he has less debt & more of his own money to spend on his habits. Yes it was a facade, youíre spot on. I do feel incredibly duped. Foolish for not seeing the real man behind the tall dark looks & perfect image. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement & advice. I really appreciate it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wow be glad you found this out and got out. You are not a fool at all. These people are experts at deceit and double lives. Have you read the book "The Sociopath Next Door"? Read up on that and antisocial personality disorder. It will help you resolve this in that it teaches you how realize you were systematically victimized, not "fooled".

    Don't give him the "out" of having some sort of treatable "disease". He did a lot of manipulative things that go way beyond sex addiction, more like a cunning predator.
    Originally Posted by Tracey06
    -There were also over a hundred videos of him having sex with different women, ex partners & random women but most were filmed without their consent.

    -I also found out he was in bad debt, probably due to the prostitute habit.

    -He begs his girlfriends to live with him but I know now that he uses women to share his household bills so he has less debt & more of his own money to spend on his habits.

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