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Thread: Moving in and having a backup house of my own...

  1. #1
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    Moving in and having a backup house of my own...

    Hi,

    Myself and my girlfriend have this plan where I will move into her house eventually. Initially and naively, I thought I would help pay her mortgage, however to keep things simple in the event of a break up, it's best I pay towards bills etc. I am 4 years out of a divorce and for various reasons I rent and having nothing left from the proceeds of my divorce. I wish that wasn't the case.

    However...

    Should I be bringing to the table by the time we move in a place of my own, mortgaged of course, or the ability to get one, i.e a big deposit, it'd never be outright...

    Should that be the first thing I should sort out asap over time, even after I move in, so I have always something of my own to fall back on, and then concentrate on jointly putting money away together for a future purchase together. The chances of me accruing a fund increase and the amount accelerate once I am fully moved in with her.

    Part of me thinks I should :-)

    G&O.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you are going to move into her house, get a co-habitation agreement. You are not "paying her mortgage" you are paying your rent. The bills should be split anyway.

    If you refuse to pay rent and do not have a written tenancy agreement, you are no more than a house guest she can throw out at any time. You need a real estate attorney to know your rights. Talk to your bankers, accountants and a real estate attorney to get informed on your best course of action.

    It doesn't sound like you are committed to her or this, so moving in may not be a good idea. You also can't make a gf pay the price for your divorce fallout, while you cover your butt and have one foot out the door already.
    Originally Posted by ginandolive
    Myself and my girlfriend have this plan where I will move into her house eventually. Initially and naively, I thought I would help pay her mortgage, however to keep things simple in the event of a break up, it's best I pay towards bills etc.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say it sounds like you're not committed to her. Particularly if you're in a financially precarious position, you should definitely be considering your livelihood in the event you two should break up, even if things are going amazing as far as the relationship goes.

    Where I will agree with Wiseman is that you're looking at contributing to her mortgage through the wrong lens. You contributing to her mortgage is no different than the rent you're paying to your landlord to pay off whatever expenses that come with their ownership of your building / unit. Many people considering the situation you are or who are living it have difficulty correlating the two scenarios. If for whatever reason you feel you'd be resentful paying toward her mortgage, then don't move in. However, generally speaking, once the down payment is out of the way (you obviously having had nothing to do with that), it's incredibly rare that a monthly mortgage payment is going to be equal to or more than the market-rate that would be charged were the same place a rental. Up to you whether the value stacks up or not. You two need to have a discussion on what would be fair between the amount you contribute and the rights and benefits you'd have to her house.

    It's never sexy or romantic, but it is advisable to get some kind of lease or co-habitation agreement. In a situation one partner owns the home and the other doesn't, the homeowner is the other's landlord. Doesn't mean they're gonna be a d1ck about it or anything, but that dynamic will exist regardless of how far in the periphery it does.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    First know the laws where you are. Where I am, there is common law to consider when moving in with a partner. What are the laws where you live?

    I wouldn't advise anyone to move into a partners house unless it financially works for them. Yes, your rent would be helping her to pay a mortgage in her name. But you'd be paying rent at an apartment/condo/house anyways on your own that helps pad a property management company's pockets otherwise. So if you can pay a fair amount where you still can save, that can be win win.
    If you break up, you can continue as before with no real loss.

    If it will cost you significantly more to live with her, where it hampers your financial goals, you can re evaluate living with her now. You could wait until marriage or where you are more comfortable with your set up , she could even rent out one home if she wanted.

    Just ideas. Like human said, it may not be sexy or romantic, but dotting Ts and Is legally can save a lot of troubles, letting you just enjoy each other.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I hope more people contribute their thoughts to this thread.

    I am a woman as well as a homeowner and though I have never had my partner move in the with me, I've come close a couple of times.

    This subject may be on the horizon for me so it's something I have to give some thought to. (again)

    My current bf and a male friend both had stories of having moved in with past partners and though they knew going in that they had no stake in the property, but they both have stories of feeling resentful and bitter having felt they contributed and in turn, left with nothing.

    I don't pretend to know the answer and people have suggested the practicality of legal doc's and legal advice.
    But how do deal with the emotional aspect when trying to have a balanced partnership?
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 11-07-2018 at 02:15 PM.

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    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    how long have you been dating? how sure are you that you and gf will last over 1 yr, 2 yrs, 5 ys?
    If ou have not been dating for more than a year - i would not move in together yet.
    If you don't know for sure that you will probably be together for over 1 yr, 2 yrs, or have the posibility of being together 5 yrs - i wouldn't move in together.

    Unless you have the money and are comfortable being a landlord, I do not recommend buying your own place and having a mortgage and rent out (if you sign tenants for 1 yr, and you and the girlfriend break up in 6 mos - you're stuck having to find a 2nd place to live whil waiting until you can move your tenants out before you can move into your own house you bought...)

    I would stay away from now from contractually getting a place with your gf. If she's renting her rental office may require you to be on the lease. I'd stay away from this. If she owns her place, then you're free to move in but don't help her on mortgage, agree to share bills, maybe even pay some rent - but don't put your name on the paperwork.

    My ultimate recommendation is to rent your own place (and save on the side - which you should be doing anyway regardless of gf situation) . Rent your own palce and just stay at each other's place (even almost every night if that's what you guys want) for 1 yr.. and if it's still going strong then, then you can talk about moving in and being put on the contract if you want then.

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    Originally Posted by ginandolive
    Hi,

    Myself and my girlfriend have this plan where I will move into her house eventually. Initially and naively, I thought I would help pay her mortgage, however to keep things simple in the event of a break up, it's best I pay towards bills etc. I am 4 years out of a divorce and for various reasons I rent and having nothing left from the proceeds of my divorce. I wish that wasn't the case.

    However...

    Should I be bringing to the table by the time we move in a place of my own, mortgaged of course, or the ability to get one, i.e a big deposit, it'd never be outright...

    Should that be the first thing I should sort out asap over time, even after I move in, so I have always something of my own to fall back on, and then concentrate on jointly putting money away together for a future purchase together. The chances of me accruing a fund increase and the amount accelerate once I am fully moved in with her.

    Part of me thinks I should :-)

    G&O.
    you should not put away money "jointly" with a girlfriend. That's for starters.
    Do not move in with her because you want to save more money. That's what you do with a same-gender roommate or a sibling, vs artifically rushing a relationship.

    I think that you should not put yourself in the position of having nothing. You divorced and now its time to rebuild yourself instead of jumping in with the next. Save some money -- get your retirement fund going again if it took a hit from the divorce. Buy something as an investment that is yours if you have no debt. What about buying a townhouse and renting out one side of it, and if you decide to move in with her, rent out the other side. Or buy a dated decor condo in a nicer area and nice building and fix it up to increase the value of or a small house.

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    Unless you have the money and are comfortable being a landlord, I do not recommend buying your own place and having a mortgage and rent out (if you sign tenants for 1 yr, and you and the girlfriend break up in 6 mos - you're stuck having to find a 2nd place to live whil waiting until you can move your tenants out before you can move into your own house you bought...)

    There are management companies that can handle that. Some even do excecutive rentals and such. Not to say he should buy something with the sole purpose of renting - just saying renting it is an option if it does indeed happen that they cohabitate. buying something to have a place of one's own that is an asset one can later sell is the key

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Which gf do you have this moving in plan with?
    Originally Posted by ginandolive
    03-27-2018:

    I wait - end up with Girl 1 (this is my preference)
    I wait - run the chance of neither Girl 1 / Girl 2
    I date Girl 2, Girl 1 becomes available, I piss off Girl 2, right outcome for me but struggle doing this to #2
    I date Girl 2, Girl 1 becomes available, I piss off Girl 1 if I stay with Girl 2...and massively struggle doing this to #1, because she might have felt differently of staying where she is...

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'm not clear about the question. I'd consider it as a roommate situation where you agree to a specific amount of 'rent' to the homeowner each month. Whether utilities and food and other expenses are built into this monthly amount or whether you break those out into separate agreements is up to the two of you. Consider whether the total monthly amount is reasonable for you to move into, and whether it enables you to put aside enough funds into your own savings and emergency fund, or not.

    Whether the homeowner applies any part of your agreed rent toward her mortgage isn't relevant as long as you meet your agreed monthly contributions.

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