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Thread: Having a rough go of things right now

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    A toxic environment can wear on you. Changing the environment will probably help a lot.

    As for the friends thing... I don't know how old you are, but friendships do tend to fall to the background as you get older. I mean, they should--especially the ones that have that competitive bent (e.g., they are more stressed than you; your level of complaining exceeds their standards, etc. ... God, that's exhausting).

    As for the soft place to land: Well first, you would probably gain a lot by minimizing contact with the aforementioned friends who pull you down. Remain friends with them, but understand their limits and avoid lines of conversation that trigger their need to compare.

    But secondly, are you interested in having a life-partner of any kind? Because that's really the best opportunity for an ally who will make sure you have a soft landing spot.
    Sorry you're feeling this way, MLD.

    I definitely agree with everything that Jibralta has said. Great advice.

    I think once you find a new job, and one that you like and enjoy, you'll find other aspects of your life will improve as well.

    We spend so much of our time at work, so it's no surprise how it can impact our overall lives. I've found that a negative workplace can really affect our overall mood, morale and spirit, which can then carry over into our lives outside of the office.

    Right now, focus on the fact that you'll be finding a new job soon - this alone is incentive because you know that your current position is only temporary.

    Also, it's super important that you're making self-care a priority. Eating right, exercising, pampering of sorts, etc. - these will all help in making you feel better about yourself. I know it's easier said than done, because it's easy to fall into a vicious cycle of eat, sleep and work, especially when you're feeling tired and depressed! But I've learned that when I make myself a priority, all other aspects of my life become more positive and fulfilling as well.

    This will also help with any depressive symptoms you're experiencing, I would think, too. You obviously want to get back into a better self-care routine (i.e. - to lose the weight, etc.), so once you start putting yourself first, I do think you'll feel less sad, tired and defeated as a result.

    Remember to take baby steps though and to be patient with yourself. It will take time to lose the weight (as you know), but once you get into a routine and stick with the self-discipline, the better you'll feel.

    In terms of friends and finding good, solid, genuine friendships, these types of relationships are hard to find. I think I've learned to accept that although I'd love to find more of these types of relationships, they are few and far between. That said, I would still stay in contact with your current friends and accept that they may not fulfill your ideal type of friendship. However, once you're feeling better in terms of your career and yourself in general, I'd consider pursuing hobbies that you enjoy where you can meet other people with the same interests, where you can connect and network. It's amazing how one friendship can lead to you meeting so many other people.

    When I moved to a new city a couple of years ago, I met a couple of very good friends through work. One of them was very social, and she would invite me to various events throughout the city where I got to meet a ton of other people as well. Although some of these others are not good friends, we'll still meet for dinner, or attend various social functions together every now and then - which is fun! And again, I end up meeting more people through them.

    Unfortunately, good friends are hard to find (I get it, I feel the same way as you), but it can't hurt to have some people to hangout with every now and then to have fun with - even if they aren't the ideal friend for you (or someone you can vent your more personal issues you to), you know?

    And yes, I agree with Jibralta. A partner! Again, I think once you have a new job in line and you're feeling better overall, a significant other would make for a great soft spot!

    And whatever you do, if you can take time off (mental health days, etc.), I would do it. If you're like a lot of people I know (including myself) where you've been guilty of not taking time off, make sure you use up that time. At the end of the day, yeah, we care about our jobs, but more often than not, I think we care more about our jobs than our employer cares about us. They only care about productivity and money. Our employers can drop us today and not think twice. Hence why we have to look out for #1 - ourselves! 'Cause they sure as heck aren't going to do it.

    Hope you're feeling better soon!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Thank you for all the wonderful advice, these posts have helped a lot - just having some validating is nice. :)

    I definitely need to practice the self care thing.

    Blue, I like the advice but I知 not someone who enjoys massages. I値l have to find some alternative to that, because I like the concept.

    I知 trying to not feel so fried at work. I snapped at a coworker (and immediately apologized) today, but I don稚 like being that person.

    Reaching out to recruiters and submitting applications helps, which reaffirms to me this is mostly rooted in the job.

    I知 missing some points to respond to but I appreciate the help and will spend more time thinking on what steps I can take in the meantime :)

  3. #13
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    Hi. I don稚 have much to add to the insights and wisdom here and wanted to lend my support and an 的 understand . I知 meeting a new friend for coffee tomorrow morning who just moved here and I feel the negativity already like 登h she痴 probably going to cancel or similar. I was even surprised she was willing to make a plan because so many say or write 斗et痴 get coffee but won稚 actually follow through. I say keep trying and I also highly recommend volunteer work.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Blue, I like the advice but I知 not someone who enjoys massages. I値l have to find some alternative to that, because I like the concept.
    I hear you.

    I'm a big believer that simple pleasures are underrated, and that some self-pampering should be part of everyone's routine. Maybe it's a manicure, or a nice drive like someone suggested曜ust something for you, with no meaning other than pleasure. Or maybe a fine cocktail somewhere, though I suspect I may catch some flack for advocating that. But, hey, often does the trick for me.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    A fine cocktail definitely does the trick. There痴 a fancy bar down the street ($12 cocktail fancy)... May be worth dressing up and wrangling some of my friends :)

    My recent guilty pleasure is fancy hot chocolate with a splash of brandy and a book.

    I feel better already everyone, thank you so much!

    Also - taking my dog out of town for thanksgiving for a relaxing weekend. Should be fun! Something else to look forward to

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Honestly, a lot of my problem is I live in a religious place (Texas) and I am agnostic/atheist ... looking at going back to CO to help.
    I didn't realize you were away from home. That can make a big difference, you know. Especially when things appear to be the same on the surface, but there is a subtle undercurrent that you don't pick up on. Happened to me when I went to college in a rural state. It was like a mild form of culture shock--all the more insidious because it was so subtle. If I was in a completely different country, I would have been more prepared!

    I agree with others 100% about the self care--whatever that means to you, try to carve out some time for it.

    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    When I'm feeling down and frustrated, I tend to go driving - nothing like a small road trip and Texas has some great back roads and places to go. The change of scenery clears the mind and makes me happy. Plus, solutions to problems seem to materialize from that.
    I absolutely LOVED doing that when I was in college. I would listen to music, smoke cigarettes, and explore the country roads for hours after class. Side one of Delicate Sound of Thunder tape was excellent for long drives on open roads.... but I made mix tapes, too. Sometimes I'd drag a friend, but much of the time I was alone. It was so peaceful. Also a great way to avoid homework.

    Wish I could do that here in NJ.... Fat chance. Ha.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I知 driving 5 hours in a couple weeks and I知 very excited about it. Road trips are kind of liberating.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    A fine cocktail definitely does the trick. There痴 a fancy bar down the street ($12 cocktail fancy)... May be worth dressing up and wrangling some of my friends :)

    My recent guilty pleasure is fancy hot chocolate with a splash of brandy and a book.

    I feel better already everyone, thank you so much!

    Also - taking my dog out of town for thanksgiving for a relaxing weekend. Should be fun! Something else to look forward to
    Being that I am already a regular consumer of overpriced cocktails預bout to head for one now, with book!悠'll have to take you up on that hot chocolate with brandy thing. Pure pleasure, no guilt葉hat's my motto.

    Also, why need friends for the fancy cocktail? Just a little suggestion, and one I say knowing everyone's different, but one thing I've been doing since I was 17 is: whenever something crosses my mind that sounds fun, but sounds kind of intimidating to do alone, I go ahead and do it alone and see what happens.

    Back in HS it was 4 months traveling Europe. Three weeks ago it was booking a room alone in the mountains when I was annoyed at my then sorta-gf. Call it a compulsion of sorts, but, man oh man, crossing that little threshold has produced so many wonderful moments and, who knows, maybe a dash of empowerment.

    So, hey, cheers!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Being that I am already a regular consumer of overpriced cocktails預bout to head for one now, with book!悠'll have to take you up on that hot chocolate with brandy thing. Pure pleasure, no guilt葉hat's my motto.

    Also, why need friends for the fancy cocktail? Just a little suggestion, and one I say knowing everyone's different, but one thing I've been doing since I was 17 is: whenever something crosses my mind that sounds fun, but sounds kind of intimidating to do alone, I go ahead and do it alone and see what happens.

    Back in HS it was 4 months traveling Europe. Three weeks ago it was booking a room alone in the mountains when I was annoyed at my then sorta-gf. Call it a compulsion of sorts, but, man oh man, crossing that little threshold has produced so many wonderful moments and, who knows, maybe a dash of empowerment.

    So, hey, cheers!
    I agree on the alone thing for sure - and I have no issues getting a drink alone - it just sounds fun to round up some people if I can :)

    Where did you go in Europe?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. There are three things in life that play a major role in your overall happiness and satisfaction.

    1) Your career/profession. Both the field in general and the specific place in particular. This includes coworkers/workplace culture, remuneration in pay and benefits as well as hours, etc. It's something you do at least 8 hrs./day for most of your life.

    2) Your home/location. Where you live is very important. The climate. The culture/people. The geography. The neighborhood/area. The proximity to people, places and things you love and enjoy. Then your home itself. It's an investment and is usually the number one expense people have, also somewhere where you spend a lot of time and a place that should be a sanctuary and something to look forward to. If you can't stand the structure, area, neighbors, etc it will be misery.

    3 Your people. This includes friends, family and partner. While you can't choose family and no one is guaranteed a nice one. A good relationship with them is a gift and good boundaries are essential whether they are great or crazy.

    Friends must be chosen wisely and there are different types. People you casually socialize with and are more or less acquaintances. Real friends, these are the ones you confide in, the ones you call when all hell breaks loose, they know where the bodies are buried and have your back. Never confuse acquaintances with real friends.

    Your partner. Not having a partner can be a lonesome experience. Having a good partner is a gift and not guaranteed in life. This is someone you trust, navigate life with and who you love. A partner who is crap will be the worst misery you'll ever experience. Someone with significant character deficits (cheating, dishonest, greedy, selfish, lazy, addictions, etc) will do a lot of damage in your life.

    Moving to another area and getting a new job will solve two major dilemmas and ...at the same time. Once in a better place both geographically and professionally you can resolve the third issue and start dating locally.
    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    a lot of my problem is I live in a religious place (Texas) and I am agnostic/atheist ... looking at going back to CO to help.

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