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Removing pictures


Kerryalex

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ll you can do is ask.

 

I have asked him to remove pictures of us on social media. I told him that I do not want to be associated with him and would appreciate it if he removed my pictures. I do not want to become part of his collection.

 

If someone told me to remove their pictures then I would do it. Pronto.

 

He refuses. Well okay. Nothing I can do. My bad. It’s a petty thing, moving on.

 

No harm in asking. I will deal with it and move on.

 

My question; is there something wrong with a person who refuses to take down your pictures when you ask them to?

 

Exerting some kind of control?

 

 

Or should I just eat ice cream and forget about such a petty ‘Sinfeld-esq’ moment?

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Ice cream and move on, no analysis. There is something wrong with that behavior -it's just not nice. I will tell you though I had a surprising interaction with a new friend. She took photos of our kids on a playdate. And texted it to me which was so nice. But then she posted it on her Facebook. The thing is, we don't post photos of our child on Facebook. We allow certain schools/camps to do so and without tagging him. So I asked her to take it down (she never asked me whether it was ok). She got her feathers ruffled a bit- asking how she should do that since she already posted a caption, etc and I said just remove the photos or replace, whatever. Then she "politely" implied by analogy that I was paranoid (she politely asked me why, I expressed safety and privacy concerns and my husband is not on Facebook and prefer his/our family's privacy and was careful not to judge her decision to post photos -it's her child, her choice -no judgment at all). She did take them down. I share this because I found her reaction really surprising. I would think someone who posted photos without asking my permission likely would give at least an acknowledgement not the "all my friends post photos of their kids " (which is different from posting a photo of someone else's child).

 

Is there something wrong with her? No. I think people get far too caught up in "their" Facebook page and I bet your ex is an example of that.

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Go with the ice cream. It knows all the things we don't.

 

Social media is what it is: more poisonous than not, especially when it comes to relationships, but not going anywhere. Everyone's feeds are their own business, end of story.

 

When a breakup is fresh, this all feels urgent, loaded with meaning; in time it just becomes silly. And, sure, it can be a bit of control, but make no mistake: asking someone to take down photos is exerting some kind of control too. So, yeah, there's that, you know?

 

After my last relationship I removed most photos of my ex from Instagram, because I like Instagram a bit, used it frequently, and didn't really feel like seeing her. She, surprisingly, keeps loads of photos of me on there, despite still occasionally shooting me venomous messages that I've been ignoring for a year. That I remain prominent on her feed is...well, her business.

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My question; is there something wrong with a person who refuses to take down your pictures when you ask them to?

 

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with a person who refuses to take down your pictures. He might be proud he dated you. He might still be in denial over you leaving him. He might even be emotionally abusing you by leaving them up. He might be showing that you have no control over him anymore. He might even be turning away potential girlfriends who will see them and think he's still hung up on you. He probably will realize this and take them down. But he doesn't have to do it just because you asked him to.

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I don't think there's anything "wrong" with a person who refuses to take down your pictures. He might be proud he dated you. He might still be in denial over you leaving him. He might even be emotionally abusing you by leaving them up. He might be showing that you have no control over him anymore. He might even be turning away potential girlfriends who will see them and think he's still hung up on you. He probably will realize this and take them down. But he doesn't have to do it just because you asked him to.

 

I think it's rude to keep photos on social media of someone else once asked to remove them.

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I don't think it's "immature" that you made the request, if you didn't throw a fit when he denied you. I understand the desire to not have those photos on a public platform anymore. I was tempted to ask my ex to do the same, but resisted, mostly because I didn't want to initiate any contact with him again.

 

Let it be a lesson learned. Next time you're in love, keep your photos for yourself and leave them off the internet. Or accept that if a relationship ends, those memories are going to probably still be there for you and the world to see.

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Youre entitled to not want your pictures on an exes social media. Youre entitled to ask them to remove them. All perfectly normal reaction.

 

I also think the impression you'd give isn't worth the trouble.

 

Im not going to lie if an ex asked me to remove photos of us I'd feel they just handed me their power.

 

First off, I now know you were snooping on my social media, and if weve been broken up for any length of time, Id think you spent some serious time snooping since their photos arent going to be my profile picture so they did some clicking to look for them.

 

Its just not worth it. So I'd vote ice cream 100% most people dont click through photos anyway. I mean new people you add may, but for the most part we mainly only see the new ones.

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I know a guy who updated his Facebook profile pic, to a pic of his ex with no makeup AFTER they broke up.

 

She was pretty upset, turns out she wasn't anywhere as attractive without makeup, and she was absolutely humiliated. Apparently she threatened legal action and all sorts, but they weren't naked, just ugly.

 

I know I probably shouldn't have found it so funny but I really did laugh at that. Just be glad that the pics that your ex has showing, are probably ones that you look good in. It could be worse.

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If it's just the same stuff he had up when you were together, yeah ice cream. That's probably one of the least issues you could have with social media.

 

This actually reminded me of before everyone was on social media. My first serious boyfriend, and when we broke up, there was back and forth of who was going to keep the few photos we had of us. No you keep it, no I want it, because the break up was still raw.

 

Social media just makes all those weird things we did public for an audience instead of between just the two.

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Is he in the pics as well? It's a power struggle, obviously. The best thing you can do is unfriend/unfollow, block and delete him and all his people from all social media, all contacts lists and all messaging apps. The less the social media algorithms detect you have in common, the less association there will be and if anyone views his social media it will just be an image that won't lead back to you.

I told him that I do not want to be associated with him and would appreciate it if he removed my pictures.

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Is he in the pics as well? It's a power struggle, obviously. The best thing you can do is unfriend/unfollow, block and delete him and all his people from all social media, all contacts lists and all messaging apps. The less the social media algorithms detect you have in common, the less association there will be and if anyone views his social media it will just be an image that won't lead back to you.

 

I blocked him (and his people) on everything, so that is good to know.

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I've never deleted a photo from Facebook. Not a matter of principle or anything. Just never made it on my list of things I care enough to do. If an ex came to me honestly and candidly, letting me know they were having a hard time not looking at them, by and large admitting that it was their responsibility but that they're asking it of me as a favor, and assuming she'd conducted herself prior to, during, and after the breakup in a way that merited the courtesy, yeah, I might find myself getting around to removing them. Otherwise, no, I'm not interested in playing into a vindictive power play because I'd have idea what will be asked or expected of me next. Asking me to take them down along with telling me "i don't want to be associated with you" and inferring I treat exes as trophies would be a very different story from what I'd be willing to cater to.

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I've never deleted a photo from Facebook. Not a matter of principle or anything. Just never made it on my list of things I care enough to do. If an ex came to me honestly and candidly, letting me know they were having a hard time not looking at them, by and large admitting that it was their responsibility but that they're asking it of me as a favor, and assuming she'd conducted herself prior to, during, and after the breakup in a way that merited the courtesy, yeah, I might find myself getting around to removing them. Otherwise, no, I'm not interested in playing into a vindictive power play because I'd have idea what will be asked or expected of me next. Asking me to take them down along with telling me "i don't want to be associated with you" and inferring I treat exes as trophies would be a very different story from what I'd be willing to cater to.

 

I agree with this 100%

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