ex still calls me and tempted to answer

we were together 3 years. broke up October 2017 but we still talked all the time. our relationship ended because we would argue from time to time. nothing serious...

during the 10 months of us talking we would call and text each other daily. we would sleep together when she was In town. she'd drive down 6 hours just to see me. call me pet names we gave each other still called me babe. however, she would go date others. she dated like 9 other people!!! to make things worse she would tell me about them and when they'd kiss etc. it ing killed me. then I go sleep with a girl and she tells me to make sure I tell her that I still talk to my ex and might get back with her. lol...and I did tell her because all I wanted was to get back. talk about manipulation.

so up until the last week before I cut her off in August she told me she wanted to marry and have a baby. then she goes on another date with someone she said she got along with great. out of all her dates this was the best for her. at this point I couldn't take it. from one week if went from her driving to see me, saying she wants to marry me, to going on a good date with someone new.

I cut her off. last time we spoke she said she's going to his house and I said no ing more. stop calling me pet names we gave each other. stop calling me if you're going to do this. we can't be friends. she said okay. we hung up. now she has called me 20 times since she's been blocked. tried adding me on Instagram. she will be in town soon and might try to physically see me.

I so ing badly want to see her. I so badly want to answer her calls. I so badly want this to work. I'm so curious as to why she calls me. what does she want to say? I'm just hurt you guys. really really hurt. not talking to her has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. now that she calls me it makes it that much harder.

You should have blocked her long ago! I do not understand why you have tortured yourself for so long. You have done this to yourself.

If you blocked her, how is she getting through?

Block her, once and for all! No future! You seem to be a glutton for punishment.

I read your original thread. The woman is a complete mess and you were toxic together.

Why not seek some counseling to move on from this co dependent disaster.

I so ing badly want to see her. I so badly want to answer her calls. I so badly want this to work. I'm so curious as to why she calls me. what does she want to say? I'm just hurt you guys. really really hurt. not talking to her has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. now that she calls me it makes it that much harder.

Why does she call you? Because you let her. She's reduced you to her F' buddy and you've gone along with it.

Look. . if she cared enough about you to begin with, she would have never risked losing you..

I know it's hard, but if you what ever strength you've gained will be lost by having spoken to her. You'll end up starting all over again.

What does she want to say? Who cares? If she said she wanted to reconcile, would you even trust her?

Given her history of toying with and you going along with it, I'd say stay on track and continue to block her

Sorry to hear this. You are collateral damage in her general confusion, neuroses, head games and pansexuality issues. If you can be fwb and a male-girlfriend who listens to her talk about her sex life, fine. But it sounds like she's doing a number on you.

You need to forget her and start dating stable women who won't play games and mess with you. When you start dating and find someone to have a relationship with you will be saying to yourself "what was I thinking!"

M decides she wants to go to school up north 6 hours away even though she got into the same school as me to study feminism. She is bi-sexual and has always wanted to be with another woman and told me she would get Tinder and look for a woman

 

So she is on Tinder and it actually does start to bother me. Then I tell her and block her. She writes a HUGE email to me saying that her love for me is reborn and wants to make things work, but I need to work on myself and give her space.

She is treating you like a girlfriend - calling up and yapping away about her latest dating adventures. She does this because you seem to be a glutton for punishment and really rather in denial that your relationship is really over and dead. In your mind, you are telling yourself that her contact means something more....except...it doesn't. Every time you answer, it's stroking her ego. You are still a fool who is hung up on her, no matter how badly she treats you, how cruel and insensitive, you keep sticking around for more.

OP, start accepting that it's over, that she is no good for you and move on. This means block all contact from her for real. Everywhere - social media, phones, etc. You want to talk because you are addicted and still hoping....hoping for what though? More punishment?

Wow. She must be hot stuff if she's dating 9 other guys. Since you don't want to be part of the merry-go-round anymore, stay No Contact and have nothing else to do with her. I know it's pretty hard to push away someone who wants to have sex with you, but I think she's crazy, and if you want a more traditional "exclusive" relationship, she's not going to provide that. From what you describe, I think she has borderline personality disorder where she craves affection, in fact, just can't get enough. (That would explain the 9 other guys.) She probably needs therapy and perhaps some medication. But if you want to maintain your sanity, ignore all her drama and stay away from her.

Not that it means you'll get back together, but she would have more respect for you if you refused to participate in her little game. She knows you're an easy target, and she's running with it.

These are not the actions of someone who sincerely wants to be with you. Keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us, therefore you need to take into account what your role is in this. Not to sound harsh, but if you want to end this nonsense, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Your call...

I feel like around the holidays a lot of people backtrack with exes they know are no good for them. Don't let this silly time of year get in your head. You knew you couldn't handle the situation and I promise you nothing has changed. Take a deep breath, surf the urge, and refocus your efforts to disentangle yourself from this toxic mess.

she's bad news. block her. erase her.. whatever you have to do. move on.

OP, she calls you because you have shown her time and time again you will be Plan B until she meets your more permanent replacement.

What are you not getting about that?

we were together 3 years. broke up October 2017 but we still talked all the time. our relationship ended because we would argue from time to time. nothing serious...

That's interesting, you broke up because you argued from time to time, but nothing serious? And now all this?

Sorry something's not jiving here.

In any event, I haven’t read your previous threads so don’t know your dynamic or why exactly you broke up, but it would appear this girl has an ax to grind with you, and the way she’s doing that is by going on ad nauseum about other men, and all her dates, etc KNOWING full well what a powerful effect that has on you.

And even after you lost your cool with her telling her to stop effing texting, stop effing calling, stop effing doing this or that, not only does she totally disregard that, thus disrespecting you in the worst way, SHE ups the ante and proceeds to do just the opposite -- 20 times!

Jesus dude STOP reacting! You're feeding right into her little game, she knows just what buttons to push which she’s doing magnificently I might add – thanks to YOU allowing her to.

Get a hold of yourself man, seriously. No woman (no person) is worth this much aggravation.

Again, I have no idea what went down in your RL that’s causing her to want to get back at you so relentlessly which seems intentional, but I would suggest you stop responding, and just block and delete her.

Change your phone number if you have to, I did! After my long term ex and I broke up.

Right now she’s most likely gloating as you have given her just the reaction she seeks – your anger thus confirming for her how totally hung up on her you still are. And she will continue unless and until YOU decide it stops and it's not by telling her anything -- you block and delete her forever and move the * on.

Edit: We teach people how to treat us, not with words but with our actions.

I feel for you, buddy.

After 10 months of this it's time to just face the facts—or, really, the most important fact. This little dynamic y'all have going on, which you've co-created, is not working for you. Her intentions and feelings no longer even matter—that's just the pandora's box, filled with noise and broken glass; sift through it and you'll just get bloody. What matters is that you're bloody enough.

The trouble with this sort of continued contact is that it kind of keeps you both in one place, where you need to grow, move on, move forward—and then, maybe, you move back toward each other. Her truth is simple, not uncommon among the emotionally confused: she wants to date around while keeping you as an option/source of comfort and validation. That's not malicious, and there may be real feeling behind that. But it's not healthy—at all. She's in the wind, and instead of steadying herself she's relying on male attention.

And you're in the wind too, addicted to her as your source of stability. Two weak foundations do not add up to a strong one. They add up to noise, drama, pain, confusion, disrespect, and heartache.

I say all that with no judgement. I've been in your shoes, in a way, two breakups ago. We stayed in touch, continued sleeping together, and for a while I was dead set that it meant we'd get back together. Thing is, I was also hedging against that—doing my own thing hard, building my core, dating, having fun, and in time I just kind of let go, saw it all for what it was. It wasn't gut wrenching or dramatic, but it did keep me in one place longer than needed.

So just stop talking to her. Like, really. She has shown you where she is, what she can offer you: pain and confusion. That's it, regardless of what you like and/or love about her. In space, in silence, you'll feel what you need to feel, and find the clarity you've been missing these past months. It's in there, dude, in you. Let it surface.

i blocked her phone number and it shows her number as an auto reject on my phone. i got a new phone about 10 days ago that doesn't show who is auto-rejected in the call log anymore so i can't see it now

I feel for you, buddy.

 

After 10 months of this it's time to just face the facts—or, really, the most important fact. This little dynamic y'all have going on, which you've co-created, is not working for you. Her intentions and feelings no longer even matter—that's just the pandora's box, filled with noise and broken glass; sift through it and you'll just get bloody. What matters is that you're bloody enough.

 

The trouble with this sort of continued contact is that it kind of keeps you both in one place, where you need to grow, move on, move forward—and then, maybe, you move back toward each other. Her truth is simple, not uncommon among the emotionally confused: she wants to date around while keeping you as an option/source of comfort and validation. That's not malicious, and there may be real feeling behind that. But it's not healthy—at all. She's in the wind, and instead of steadying herself she's relying on male attention.

it is not working for me anymore. it only benefits her to have me around. i do need to grow and move on at this point. continuing contact hinders that so much. it makes me stuck thinking we'll get back together. it is false hope, breadcrumbs. i know she wants to keep me around for validation, and she would offer me the same, but that trade is dead now. i can't give her validation, tell her how beautiful she is, for her to go give that beauty to someone else, while sharing it with me from time to time. no. not after 3 years of exclusivity dating. thank you for your words they were very insightful. we are b

That's interesting, you broke up because you argued from time to time, but nothing serious? And now all this?

 

Sorry something's not jiving here.

a majority of why we broke up is because our fights about simple nothings. 95% of the time it would end with her apologizing for starting it/acting up. i'd accept her apologizes, but soon we realized how ridiculous they've become. so yes, sometimes i'd get mad and argue back. there was no cheating or hitting ever. we'd always accept each other at the end of the night. then she got accepted to a college a few hours away, decides to go, two months later we officially end. it was so weird. i remember going home from that trip and she texts me saying how empty the house is without me, she loves me, misses me... just all around not adding up. it doesn't jive to you and it doesn't jive to me either.

OP, she calls you because you have shown her time and time again you will be Plan B until she meets your more permanent replacement.

 

What are you not getting about that?

i know i know i know. if she just called me to have sex and that was all it would be easier. except we'd do all the cutesy stuff bf/gfs do together as we were broken up. christ, i'd go to her nephews, nieces, sisters, mom, and dads bday events post breakup. her family loved me and i love them back. we all got along fine. i'm sure they questioned her as to why she'd break up with me yet still hold me in front of them at family events. it was just a whole ed up situation that made no sense to me. plan B didn't feel like the situation. she'd call me daily, text me daily, and it just seemed so real.

Not that it means you'll get back together, but she would have more respect for you if you refused to participate in her little game. She knows you're an easy target, and she's running with it.

 

These are not the actions of someone who sincerely wants to be with you. Keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us, therefore you need to take into account what your role is in this. Not to sound harsh, but if you want to end this nonsense, you'll find a way, if not you'll find an excuse. Your call...

i'm not playing her head games anymore. in the four years i've known her this is the longest we've ever gone without seeing/speaking to one another. it hurts a lot, but i need to face the facts of what she did to me. no more excuses i am just going to remain strong and not call or see her ever again. as ridiculous as that seems to me typing it out, i know it's whats needed. i will miss her but i will appreciate feeling better. respect starts with me!

She is treating you like a girlfriend - calling up and yapping away about her latest dating adventures. She does this because you seem to be a glutton for punishment and really rather in denial that your relationship is really over and dead. In your mind, you are telling yourself that her contact means something more....except...it doesn't. Every time you answer, it's stroking her ego. You are still a fool who is hung up on her, no matter how badly she treats you, how cruel and insensitive, you keep sticking around for more.

 

OP, start accepting that it's over, that she is no good for you and move on. This means block all contact from her for real. Everywhere - social media, phones, etc. You want to talk because you are addicted and still hoping....hoping for what though? More punishment?

you're right. i just need to accept that it's over and it won't be what it was. she crossed the line over and over. i was in denial. i do feel like her calling means something more, but that is just more denial. if she wanted to speak to me she knows my address, but letters never come.

Why does she call you? Because you let her. She's reduced you to her F' buddy and you've gone along with it.

Look. . if she cared enough about you to begin with, she would have never risked losing you..

 

I know it's hard, but if you what ever strength you've gained will be lost by having spoken to her. You'll end up starting all over again.

 

What does she want to say? Who cares? If she said she wanted to reconcile, would you even trust her?

Given her history of toying with and you going along with it, I'd say stay on track and continue to block her

yeah i went along with being her FWB which i regret so much now. it was just such a deeper connection than messing around though.. we would do everything together from morning until night. go to little shows, walk around places, get breakfast lunch and make dinner at home. it was like we were a couple anytime she'd visit from her college once she moved. that's why i let her, because we had such a nice time together. it always blew my mind that she would not want to further our relationship when we had such a good bond. even up until the last day i saw her was great and she said she wished she snuggled me more before leaving... i don't want to start all over again so i am trying my best to not reach out or anything. of course the trust would be so hard to regain.

I read your original thread. The woman is a complete mess and you were toxic together.

 

Why not seek some counseling to move on from this co dependent disaster.

i blocked her phone number and it shows her number as an auto reject on my phone. i got a new phone about 10 days ago that doesn't show who is auto-rejected in the call log anymore so i can't see it now

Can I ask how old you are? How old she is?

All this talk about her in school makes me think she is quite young—and, like a lot of young people, just all over the map. I say this (gulp) with a bit of a history dating younger.

No regrets, my friend. No need to beat yourself up. Live and learn.

Can I ask how old you are? How old she is?

 

All this talk about her in school makes me think she is quite young—and, like a lot of young people, just all over the map. I say this (gulp) with a bit of a history dating younger.

 

No regrets, my friend. No need to beat yourself up. Live and learn.

she's 29...

Bad news, all around. Block her out of your life. No contact is the best way to go about this whole thing.