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Thread: Just another sob story 🙁

  1. #1

    Just another sob story 🙁

    Hi all,
    long time lurker. This forum has been a form of support for me just reading about other people's experiences.
    This time however i do need to vent...
    I will try to keep this as short and concise as possible.

    Late summer 2016 my then gf broke up with me after about a 2.5 year relationship. Things definitely weren't going great and the relationship was a big strain for me but i just stuck around.
    I was 33 and this was my first serious relationship and breakup. I had no clue it could hurt that much.
    After the breakup we kept in contact and sorta got back together briefly until all of a sudden (at least for me) she told me she had met someone else.
    I still remember that phonecall vividly and after that..well..i don't think i have to describe too much about how i felt... I'm sure most of you, if not all, know these feelings all too well.
    I went to therapy and also got antidepressants (still on them)
    After that phonecall i've never seen or spoke to her again.
    It has been a long hard road, I'm still not over it and dream about it quite frequently.
    Yesterday someone told me she recently had a baby. For me it was like a bomb went off...
    So any hopes i still had (i know....) are gone. And now i feel so weird. I can feel the antidepressants working and I'm actually grateful for it. Maybe it's the easy way out but when i started taking them i really had no choice.
    So yeah, that's about it. Just wanted to share.

    Thanks for reading and to everyone who is hurting right now...you are not alone.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Well, I hope you're doing more like getting out with friends, walking in the sun, exercising, concentrating on work or any hobbies, and meeting new people and perhaps go out on dates. Two years of moping about is enough! Your girlfriend dumped you. She's moved on and so should you.

  3. #3
    Gold Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Agree with DanZee. Two years is a good stretch to be consumed by this—no more meat to pick off the bone, you know?

    For whatever it's worth, one thing that helps me when it comes to breakups is just recognizing the role that the ego plays in hanging onto things. The ego hates to lose, and when faced with loss the ego goes into overdrive, concocting all sorts of strategies to soften a loss.

    You see the ego at work in those who hate their exes, and talk about that hate with rabid passion, just as you the ego at work in those who cling to hope and whimsical stories long after the bell has gone off.

    Being dumped, finding out your ex has met someone, hearing of the baby—yeah, it stings the heart, but it's the ego that gets really inflamed. I say that with no judgment; I've got a big, fragile ego myself, and can sink into some romantically tragic hysterics. But once I accepted that it was my ego, I could kind of just go: oh, hey, ego—I see you. Not gonna really indulge.

    Your hurt is real—not meaning to minimized it. I'm sorry for it. But there's sun out there, literally and figuratively. Get out in it and this will start to seem like exactly what it's long been: a chapter in your life, no closed.

  4. #4
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    Solid gold, Blue. This helps a ton

    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    For whatever it's worth, one thing that helps me when it comes to breakups is just recognizing the role that the ego plays in hanging onto things. The ego hates to lose, and when faced with loss the ego goes into overdrive, concocting all sorts of strategies to soften a loss.

    You see the ego at work in those who hate their exes, and talk about that hate with rabid passion, just as you the ego at work in those who cling to hope and whimsical stories long after the bell has gone off.

    Being dumped, finding out your ex has met someone, hearing of the baby—yeah, it stings the heart, but it's the ego that gets really inflamed. I say that with no judgment; I've got a big, fragile ego myself, and can sink into some romantically tragic hysterics. But once I accepted that it was my ego, I could kind of just go: oh, hey, ego—I see you. Not gonna really indulge.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Thanks for reading and thanks for the replies.
    Indeed, my bruised ego has played a bigger part than i was willing to admit to myself, and others.
    And yes, two years is enough.
    Like i said, i was all new to this and had relatively little life experience.
    It was one of those pivotal moments in live for me. A part of becoming more mature (most of the time..)
    I really am a different person now and i have learned so much. Endlessly listening to podcasts and lectures about psychology. A world opened up for me.
    In times of chaos, hurt etc we tend to learn the most.

    Again, thanks for reading


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