I don't know what to do anymore (M19,F17.5)

There are few things that disturb me, maybe you can help me solve it out because I'm completely confused and need some advice

Some background My girlfriend is 17.5 years old, learning at school at, and she lives 1.5 hours away from me by car. I am 19 years old and in Army. I go out once in a week for a full week home, the other times I'm in the base. (This is the best option that rewards most days in home for soldiers, army isn't the problem, there's conscription in my country).

We've been together for 5 months(2 days ago), what we wrote and made for each was extremely cute and everything seemed amazingly going well. We've met only 7 times this whole 5 months. Last time 20 days ago. Most of the times she were in my area and I was only once in hers, we never were in each other homes even though we were always talking and imagining us being together in a private room.

In the last month though we were talking less than usual because of school tests or such. Yesterday I had kind of fight with her. I told her that I'll talk to her tomorrow after a 40 mins call, which I never do. I always wait in the calls until she wants to go away or anything happens. She got hurt and started crying. I told her the things that are disturbing me, it kills me that I have to see you once in such a whole, I miss you so much, I'm basically freaking out. She says we can only meet in 2 days-Sunday and Teusday.We were supposed to meet today(Teusday) but because of the weather we didn't make it, which means we have to see each other much later again. I suggested her an option that says that I'm able to go to her place on the other days, she claims the other days she finishes late so she doesn't have time. (Her schedule, she finishes: Monday 3PM, Wednesday 2:15PM, Friday 11:40AM)

So I told her that I can go to her place without causing her any hassle, just like me picking her out of school or showing up her in home area when she finishes school. This thought she says she won't have time is freaking me out. Assuming she had someone in her city so she won't meet him in the other days? It doesn't make sense, it sounds even fake for me. Moreover, she claims we can never be in her area, she won't let me be in her home because she claims her home is always full with many people and there isn't a peep of privacy. She says there's nothing to do in her place but I keep telling her that what I look for is our time together, and I don't care who's around or what's around. Thinking for the long term it'll be even harder as when she gets in army as well in a year so she'll be available only at weekends, and she'd never let me see her on a weekend so I am just confused right now. Moreover in the last call I felt she was cold with me, 60% of the time I was asking questions, and she didn't laugh, comment something cute about anything I said. So I felt disgusting.

She told me once that her mother invited me for a weekend dinner, but she told me this as a joke and not like she actually invited me. I invited her more than once to my home and I tried to calm her and make her feel as most comfortable as possible. I was only once in her city, we passed by her grandfather and she said like don't stay close to me, we passed next to a place where her friends work but she didn't let me enter. I don't know.. She had a boyfriend whom she used to see everyday. And then there's me who has to see her once in a while and I don't get it. I know she truly loves me, she cried yesterday, I do feel something for her and I won't say I won't love her, I do, but yesterday I didn't feel that emotional because those thoughts hit me.

I want you to tell me what you'd do instead of me, because I don't know what I should do anymore, I'm freaking out. Is it even possible to hold such a relationship? What'd you do?

She won't even let you come to her area?

There is something wrong with this picture. Have you ever met anyone in her life, OP?

She won't even let you come to her area?

 

There is something wrong with this picture. Have you ever met anyone in her life, OP?

She won't. Even if it the easiest thing for her and she won't have to do anything, because she says there's nothing to do in her place, she's tired and her place is boring but I look for that quality time which is missing.

There was once I stumbled into a friend of her so I stood aside because she was shy and she didn't tell about me to others, so I didn't introduce myself to him. It is reasonable because it was one of our first meetings.

Besides that, I haven't met anyone in her life.

I am sorry OP, but I think this girl is hiding something.

She seems pretty intent on keeping you away from her personal life which is not a good sign. I could understand waiting a few months to meet friends or family, or even not spending a lot of time in her house if there's no privacy, but not even being allowed in her area is a red flag.

Yeah, I think she has a boyfriend or is not allowed to date so she's keeping you away from her friends and family. Don't get serious about her. Go out and just have a fun date, but leave it at that. Don't fall for her. Just stay friends. Don't press her for information about herself or her family, because she's just going to tell you stories or start an argument so she doesn't have to tell you the real answer. You'll have a lot more fun if you just don't press her. You'll ruin what you have if you get serious.

I am sorry OP, but I think this girl is hiding something.

 

She seems pretty intent on keeping you away from her personal life which is not a good sign. I could understand waiting a few months to meet friends or family, or even not spending a lot of time in her house if there's no privacy, but not even being allowed in her area is a red flag.

Thank you for your opinion. But it is super weird because she loves me so I can't understand why she sees it that way, she actually made a presentation of us, wrote me about 1000 words, it all seems perfect but then this case where she won't let me come her place on other days puts me in a dillema of wondering.. I can understand why you see it a red flag. Thank you for your time

Yeah, I think she has a boyfriend or is not allowed to date so she's keeping you away from her friends and family. Don't get serious about her. Go out and just have a fun date, but leave it at that. Don't fall for her. Just stay friends. Don't press her for information about herself or her family, because she's just going to tell you stories or start an argument so she doesn't have to tell you the real answer. You'll have a lot more fun if you just don't press her. You'll ruin what you have if you get serious.

But some of her friends know about me. They even talk about me sometimes. Her mother knows about me, which is also why she invited me. I know she truly loves me because of all the effort she did 2 days ago when we had 5 months, it's all contradicting each other and confusing me. It's hard for me to leave her and I don't want to hurt her.

You're saying she's keeping me off her family and friends that's right and I can't find the actual reason for this which is freaking me out. its hard to let go when I know she loves me. Thank you for your opinion.

Thank you for your opinion. But it is super weird because she loves me so I can't understand why she sees it that way, she actually made a presentation of us, wrote me about 1000 words, it all seems perfect but then this case where she won't let me come her place on other days puts me in a dillema of wondering.. I can understand why you see it a red flag. Thank you for your time

She's also 17 years old. I don't mean to minimize it, but she is inherently immature in many ways. Love is something she won't truly understand until she is older and has gained more experience. I say that as someone who once was a 17-year-old girl, in love with the idea of love.

Her displays of love are surely very nice to receive, but the problem is that she isn't backing it up with real action. She isn't integrating you into her life in any meaningful way. You say her friends and mom know about you - but is that based on what she tells you? Or do you have other tangible proof that they know who you are?

It sounds like she's not allowed to date you and is keeping you a secret from her family.

Her mother knows about me, which is also why she invited me.

Well, you said you weren't sure whether your girlfriend was kidding about the invite or not. She's a teenage girl. Just go out on dates and have fun.

Hi unnamedguyne,

I had to sign up just to give my take on this. You are not in the US, right? This might be a case of a difference in cultural practices. I grew up in another country and dated a girl in college who would not want me near her place just like yours. It turned out that the neighbors talk and they gossip and somehow make it uncomfortable for her family. Unlike here where people do not care who you date, gossiping neighbors can do damage in some way.

I do want to impress on you that she is still studying and don’t be offended but consider if you are being a distraction to her studies. I studied hard and kept away from the lure of pleasure, finished my studies and had a good career, and now I am in the US. Some of my classmates did not fare so well. Maybe you can try DanZee’s advice just to just relax and enjoy the relationship, not to get too serious but stay in the picture.