Advice to others. Just do No contact!

Right if my breakup was just ‘I’m not into you anymore’ it would of sucked but what can you do?

What I’ve allowed to happen as I never wanted it to end was the emotional turmoil of being contacted, thinking’s she wanted to reconcile to then be blamed for everything and ignored.

This cycle happened for two months and took a devastating effect on my health both physically and emotionally.

People around me said ignore her and don’t respond. But as each of you can relate ( hence being here ) when you are dumped by the love of your life if they ever message you your heart races. It makes you feel good they’ve reached new out to you.

So yes you ignore people’s advice. Your logical senses tell you to ignore it. That they’re just words. There are no actions to back up what she says.

Hindsight is an amazing thing. Yes I should of listened to people’s advice. Did I pour my heart out to her? Yes! Did I get anything reciprocated? No!

Do I feel foolish? Yes!

Do I feel weak? Yes!

Fact is there is so much stuff about going no contact to ‘win’ your ex back. People are emotional and want there ex’s back so they think by doing this it will work.

It’s for totally the wrong reasons.

I’m on the slow recovery now to heal. I could of been two months in but I allowed myself to be sucked in. Whether it was a pick me up, ego boost for her, or she was just totally confused. It’s something I will never know and will never have closure on.

Fact is if your ex wanted you, they’d do something about it. Yes people break up for reasons. But if they realised they made a mistake they would come back.

Ive reaches out for professional help. As I cannot understand my thoughts/feelings currently. I think the constant pulling/pushing has just messed up everything.

People have said I’m not myself. I need to get back to how I used to be.

Go careful people. No contact is for you to heal. Recover from a traumatic experience that sucks, hurts and consumes your life.

Do not get clouded by false hope. People will play with your emotions. Will tell you what you want to hear but deep down you know something isn’t right. It’s a destructive path if you go down the route I have. I’m speaking from experience.

Me and my ex had a break for 4 weeks where she said everything will be okay and she needed time. I couldn't handle the uncertainty and after 4 long weeks, she eventually broke up with me because she wanted to be alone...

Those 4 weeks were the longest of my life... After she broke up, I immediately went no contact. It's like you say, if they realize they made a mistake, they will come back. If not, no contact is the fastest way to heal.

My ex left me three days ago. Sent a few text messages here and there but I've since went NC. I immediately blocked her Facebook, and unfriended all her family. One hard part about this is seeing material things around my apartment that she gave me, and now I'm about to just box everything and send them back to her. I don't want to throw anything in the garbage, I think a more adult decision would be She even told me she will not block my number, so therefore it'll be nice knowing that if I wanted to, I can text her. And since my number is still unblocked to her, she'll start to realize I'm moving on.

I feel like this thread should be pinned to the top of the Breakups forum... well said monkey, well said.

I would also add that No Contact includes not stalking them on social media (after unfriending / unfollowing them). This is something I am guilty of and does nothing to help the healing process.

I have just no contacted a guy I was texting. I have known him years, however it became a text relationship... he never actually planned a date with me even though I asked him for a coffee date a walk or a meal sometime. I never found out where he lived or if he was single or still living with his ex. What made me no contact him was the fact that he kept asking to meet for fun and he sent me a rude pics through an app even though I told him I want to be dating a guy before engaging in non strings fun. He told me he liked me the first day he saw me.. I am rather hurt because I felt an instant spark for him. We did kiss which was amazing but nothing more. It's been a few days since no contact and I am still upset. If he really wanted me for who I was he would have made more of an effort. I cut contact before withe him but he told me he missed me so we started talking again but this time it's NO contact for good. It's the only way I can move forward from a disrespectful guy. I will maybe bump into him one day bexcuse of the job he does but should I ignore him.. you're totally right... deep down you know that something isn't right. Thanks for your post on here. If he really wanted me he would've made an effort.

thats why you always ask and listen to those more experienced than ourselves. adults have seen it all and if you ask a question and the response is pretty consistent and overwhelming - probably somethign to it. glad you learned this lesson and know beter for future.

The first post and advice learnt is absolute gold, your heart screams to so everything against advice received, but you MUST leave them alone and move on, heal. They breadcrumb because they like the idea of keeping you a very secondary position as a reserve should there be a nuclear war, famine, alien invasion (okay, but i'm trying to say its about very remote chances, neigh impossibility that they will really consider you in any event!).

I only know this as I failed to take advice in the early stages, and even now I still get breadcrumbs dropped, despite the fact that even now she is married. I'm a fool. Don't be me haha. It sucks over 36 months later.

Yeh it's a good post Monkey* Be thankful you only got dragged for 2 months....It was 6-8 months for me! And I really do think it causes more trauma, although there's really no easy way through a breakup that you don't want to happen....

In fact, that instant cutoff can also cause trauma to the system. Alan Robarge has a good video on that on YT....

I would like to point out though, it's not like we're not taking peoples advice about NC, it's just extremely hard....especially when you do get breadcrumbed as they wean themselves off you. Meanwhile, full of Hope, you go down with the ship....

That is why I never get frustrated when someone seems like they're not taking the advice. They hear every word you say....it's just extremely difficult and painful.

And every person and situation is different.

But again, good post. I could have written it word for word myself :-/

I only know this as I failed to take advice in the early stages, and even now I still get breadcrumbs dropped, despite the fact that even now she is married. I'm a fool. Don't be me haha. It sucks over 36 months later.

Damn that's rough!!

Regards

Carus*

It's my own fault Carus...cant blame anyone else but me haha. Don't even understand my own brain's thinking on it all lol. Weird.

Oh I totally relate. It’s why I did the post.

I succumbed to the breadcrumbs and it’s what messed me up so much. Hell I can give advice but I’m shocking at taking it.

I just hope a thread like this may help people in the early stages....people ( myself include ) focus so much on trying to get their partners back they look past the obvious.

People will make mistakes, I know I did repeatedly. Just know to those out there reading it never be afraid to reach out to people on these boards. We do know what it’s like. We feel the same pain you do. And you’ll always get support through this even if it’s words of wisdom that goes against your hearts.

I have just no contacted a guy I was texting. I have known him years, however it became a text relationship... he never actually planned a date with me even though I asked him for a coffee date a walk or a meal sometime. I never found out where he lived or if he was single or still living with his ex. What made me no contact him was the fact that he kept asking to meet for fun and he sent me a rude pics through an app even though I told him I want to be dating a guy before engaging in fun*. He told me he liked me the first day he saw me.. I am rather hurt because I felt an instant spark for him. We did kiss which was amazing but nothing more. It's been a few days since no contact and I am still upset. If he really wanted me for who I was he would have made more of an effort. I cut contact before withe him but he told me he missed me so we started talking again but this time it's NO contact for good. It's the only way I can move forward from a disrespectful guy. I will maybe bump into him one day because of the job he does but should I ignore him.. you're totally right... deep down you know that something isn't right. Thanks for your post on here. If he really wanted me he would've made an effort.

meant to say I wouldn't engage in non strings fun

No contact is hard to stick to for a bit, but it really creates that distance needed to move on. After a few months, you start to feel awkward about wanting to reach out. It seems like complete insanity now to contact him out of the blue a year later.

Just make sure you don't get stuck on obsessing about not contacting the person. Sounds like you are well on your way to being over her. Good luck!