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Thread: Hiding details that I learned throughout our relationship

  1. #1
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    Hiding details that I learned throughout our relationship

    Hello! I met this guy mid thru senior year in high school and we've been dating for almost 2 yrs now. He's the best bf, and my first one. He loves me just the way I am and treats me like a queen. Before we started dating we talked abt our past, like our past relationships or any flings we had. Nothing serious. I told him abt this guy I had sex with a few times but we were never serious. He told me that he made out w some girls but nothing serious either.

    Forward to when we started dating 6 months later he then told me that the girls he "hooked up" w and sent nudes to and ate out and gave her hand jobs was 1. One of his close friends(I would talk to her and they're in the same group of friends) 2. A girl he had a HUGE crush on and was literally obsessed(and were still friends). He only mentioned made out at first but then added to the list. I did not talk to the guy I had sex w but way later on if we saw each other walk by it was hi and bye, no text, call nothing. He even told girl #2 "she was a work of art" the first few months we were dating and I didnt know abt this extra stuff above at that time and his excuse was that she was going thru tough stuff he's trying to be a good friend. I didn't get mad and just told him to be careful bc I don't want her to think sth else, and moved on. So yea I didn't know abt this for a WHOLE 6 months into our relationship. But we move passed it.
    Later on in our relationship cops came to my house and I guess this one cop saw a picture of me and my mother told him where I worked, well apparently he goes to eat there often and ended up at my job an asked for my # a few days later. I gave him my # and told my bf immediately, idk why I did that but I was caught off guard. The cop was attractive but nothing happened and once he texted me I told him I had a bf plus he was like 10 yrs older so NO. He was hurt bc I gave him my # which I totally understand but I told him right away an nothing ever happened. We fixed it.
    Now it's abt to be 2 yrs, he'd joke around abt having a 3some and I'd say no. But a month ago I jokingly said yes. (BACKSTORY: 6 months ago he went to visit his female friend for 2 nights at her university which I was cool w and nothing major happened, he stayed in her dorm) so, then I ask who should we pick, he sends me a screenshot of this random girl. I asked where he met her and he said when he went to visit his friend at her university. "We were walking around and she passed by us and said hi to my friend and we left. That's all" I got over it. Well like 2 weeks after this he gets a dm from her saying to text her back, he didn't reply. The day after she dm him again telling him the same thing or else and hurt him and an emoji and he deleted it in my face. So I texted her w him by my side asking her which text and she said "I sent a funny tweet and was wondering when I'll see u again?" (The friend he visited transferred so he doesn't have to go around that area at all) and I texted her w him next to me saying what's in parenthesis. She texted back saying "what're you talking abt? Are you joking? Is this a joke?" I then asked what was wrong? And she blocked him. His excuse? His homeboy has the password to his account so it as him. We argued I asked so many questions, he answered them all but it still doesn't add up. He was crying he was upset and begged me not to leave him. It was hard bc he treats me so good that the last thing I'd think would be him cheating on me and he'd ALWAYS says how he doesn't have the course to do so bc he loves me so much. We tried moving pass this and he treats like I'm the only girl, but his excuse wasn't enough I guess and he obviously ha the tendency of not telling me the whole story. When this whole cop thing went down he guilt trip me so much but anytime I mention this he gets mad bc I do t trust in his word and he's never given me a motive to cheat. He made his friend text this chick asking if they ever saw eachother after he left and she said no and that she didn't even have his #. But no girl randomly dms a guy 2 days straight. Idk I'm just a little confused. What y'all think?

  2. #2
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    Yeah, I think he's hiding things from you. I don't trust him. When a guy makes a big deal out of pleading with you and crying for you not to leave, I get suspicious. And then trying to throw the cop in your face is a way to deflect the conversation away from his girlfriends. Also, I think it's rude for someone to be bragging about how many people they had sex with and what they did with them. I have a funny feeling about what he's actually up to.

    I would also say that when people are involved since high school, those relationships tend to break up around this time in someone's life. You're becoming more mature, what you're looking for in a relationship changes, even the type of person you envision being with changes. It might be time to break up and find someone who is more compatible with who you are now than who you were when you only 17 or 18.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why were the cops at your house and why would your mother show them pics of you? 😧

    Is this the same idiot who keeps trying to talk you into threesomes?

    Unfortunately there are too many immature games going on including ridiculous TMI about past sexual antics and silly cat and moues games with both of you cheating, attempting to cheat, trying to make each other jealous, etc.

    Break up with him, calm down and start dating when you are ready to stop playing truth or dare games and want a more mature exclusive relationship. Keep the past in the past. Do not ask about every sexual activity someone has had and do not blab about yours.
    Originally Posted by navmon
    cops came to my house and I guess this one cop saw a picture of me and my mother told him where I worked, well apparently he goes to eat there often and ended up at my job an asked for my # a few days later. I gave him my #

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    The cops came when my family was having a party bc of the noise so they came in and obviosuly theres family portraits around which they all saw and they asked my mother if that was their daughters and she said yes and said our names and asked if we all lived there so she explained and said I was at work, so that's how it happened. I never cheated, idk abt him. Idk if you read this part but I texted the cop I had a bf and we never spoke after. And I wasn't trying to make anyone jealous so I don't understand where you get this conclusion. We spoke abt the past before even dating, we were friends so as friends we speak abt our things.

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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Yeah, I think he's hiding things from you. I don't trust him. When a guy makes a big deal out of pleading with you and crying for you not to leave, I get suspicious. And then trying to throw the cop in your face is a way to deflect the conversation away from his girlfriends. Also, I think it's rude for someone to be bragging about how many people they had sex with and what they did with them. I have a funny feeling about what he's actually up to.

    I would also say that when people are involved since high school, those relationships tend to break up around this time in someone's life. You're becoming more mature, what you're looking for in a relationship changes, even the type of person you envision being with changes. It might be time to break up and find someone who is more compatible with who you are now than who you were when you only 17 or 18.
    Thank you! I totally understand what you're saying and in a way I felt that maybe we're growing up and our views change. He is my first official bf and he treats me great as I said so it is hard for to hear abt these things because it's not something I see him doing but ig here's where the saying don't judge a book by its cover comes in.
    When speaking abt our past it was before we started dating, we were friends and it was like a random convo that tbh I didn't care for nor did it change my perspective of him. What hurt me the most was that it was girls he still had contact with and gave them compliments. And if he would have been honest abt who they were and what exactly they did then there wouldn't have been any argument the first time, because he wouldn't be hiding things making him look sketchy.

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    You posted this exact same question in October.

    [Register to see the link]

    Has something changed since then? Why repost?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    May it's time to get the courage to date more mature boys who don't act like this. You don't have to put up with boys who boast and brag about everything he ever did with any other girls, and no, that is not "treating you great" because everything you do with him will also be exaggerated and bragged about to all his friends.
    Originally Posted by navmon
    He is my first official bf. What hurt me the most was that it was girls he still had contact with and gave them compliments. And if he would have been honest abt who they were and what exactly they did then there wouldn't have been any argument the first time, because he wouldn't be hiding things making him look sketchy.

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    First relationships are always the hardest:(

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You posted this exact same question in October.

    [Register to see the link]

    Has something changed since then? Why repost?
    Well he gave me time to cool off and all. Basically he made his friend from college text this girl asking her why she did that. Her response was that she thought he was cute and single since he didn't have a post of us in his social media (which we both don't), with all honesty we barely post in our accounts. So she just wanted sex but now that she know he has a gf she won't text at all and she's blocked. My bf after that was being very understanding of my behavior towards him and tried winning me back. He listened to me and really was trying to prove that nothing happened and that he loves me only. Personally I'm just taking it step by step but if I don't feel comfortable then breaking up is the solution ig. First relationships are always the hardest:(. I felt the need to repost it just to see if I had more feedback. I think it is better to ask a stranger than a friend.

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    Originally Posted by navmon
    Went thru his snap and saw a chat with ally and she sent him this girls snap (jun) he didn't had her on snap so I added her and he basically said hi to her and how he's "been thinking abt her cute a$$ for a while now" and to text cause he wanna talk to her.
    I'd break up with him. He's way too sneaky. And it has nothing to do with it being your first relationship. Be smart.

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