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Thread: Messy and complicated

  1. #1
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    Messy and complicated

    I am posting about a situation that have been costing me financially and emotionally over 2 years. Even to this day, I am still constantly feeling helpless and depressed.

    I met this guy on Tinder about 2 years ago. We dated a little while and he was very affectionate towards me. We saw each other almost everyday for about 2 months. One day I get anxious and he came around and he told me that he is sleeping with a new girl, but he loved me and wanted us to be friend and me to be in his life. At this stage I already falling hard and fast for this guy and I told him he could sleep with me and her at the same time ( how stupid of me). I processed to be very clingy and emotional towards him, and we continued to hang out. One day when I hung out at his house he leaned on my knees in which caused my knees twisted and emergency had to come and get me to the hospital. He took me home, take care of me etc... but the next weekends he went away with this another girl and I cried and begged him not to go but he still went. His best friend took care of me when they were away as I was in such an emotional chaos.
    Fast forward after the weekends, I showed up at his house in desperation and found he is there with this another girl. She did not know that I existed and when we all went out for lunch ( me, his two friend, her and him). I throw a big tantrum at him after he left and went to the hospital afterwards. At the hospital, he saw me everyday. In the end this another girl asked him not to see me anymore and he said no to it. He said to her he liked me and will not stop seeing me for anyone. So at this stage they stopped seeing each other.

    After her, he has sleeping around a lot with different girls while me and him keeping close ties ( we hang out all the time, he help me whenever he can). I love this man to death and can do anything for him. I feel an unconditional love towards him and the craving to sacrifice myself for him, like I owned him something from the previous life. I have been hospitalized many times over the drama and stress this strange relationship created, wreaked two of my own cars and many suicide attempts. He is emotionally and physical abusive towards me, and one time I reported him to the police for hitting me and breaking my phone.

    Regardless,I feel like death and killing myself every time I know he is hanging out with a new girl. Regardless, when I am with him it is like my life is completed and I do not need anything else. I am such a fool and I hate myself but could not bring and end to this relationship, if I do I feel suicidal again.

    Thank you for reading this post and sharing my story :(

  2. #2
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    I think you should pursue therapy; it would help you a lot.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    What you described sounds like an addiction. Your brain has become addicted to the drama caused by this relationship. You need to seek professional therapy.

    You know yourself that this relationship is toxic and is harming your life. Yet it sounds like you cannot bring yourself to end it. That is why you need professional help from a licensed counsellor who manages love addiction and domestic abuse cases.

  4. #4
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    Its not complicated at all. You two don't belong together. You have equated any attention as a good thing. Doesn't matter if he makes you cry or happy, any attention given to you by this man fills a void you have.
    As stated above. Therapy would be good for you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Have you sought therapy? You need therapy urgently. I'd also suggest getting some specialised help towards addiction because that's also what you have for him. Like any addiction you need to go cold turkey but in your case you need help and support. Do you have friends or family you can talk to?

  7. #6
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    This is just a terrible story. You've allowed yourself to be used as this guy's doormat. He uses physical abuse against you, you use emotional abuse against him. You attempt to control and manipulate him through your tantrums and suicide attempts while he assaults you.

    You know this is all wrong and screwed up. You have to get some help. See a doctor, call an abuse hotline, voluntarily commit yourself. You have to do something. Save yourself. Stop contacting this guy.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    All you can do is continue treatment for psychiatric problems, including seeing your doctors, psychiatrists and therapist regularly, carefully following their advice and taking prescribed medication so that you feel better. If you drink or use drugs, get help for that. After you reported him to the police, did you get a restraining order and block and delete him from all your messaging apps and social media?
    Originally Posted by linkbooboo
    I told him he could sleep with me and her at the same time. I have been hospitalized many times, wreaked two of my own cars and many suicide attempts. I reported him to the police for hitting me and breaking my phone.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I feel like I am reading a transcript from Dr. Phil... please do seek help for your addiction to this man, before it turns into something more dangerous like gambling, drugs, food, etc.

  10. #9
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    I agree with everybody else - you need to seek some help and therapy. At minimum you are highly insecure and need the help of a professional to understand why and put together a plan to resolve and overcome it. At worst you may have a clinical chemical imbalance or could be bi-polar or manic-depressive (mood swings due to chemical imbalances your body produces) which requires mediciations to help balance out the chemical make-up in your body to help you maintain a more consistent and reliable balance (which then allows you to remain more balanced in yoru emotions).

    Please heed everybody's advice and get some therapy. There is NO shame in this. We all get sick and ill and need medical help for a healthy life - this is no different.

    Hang in there and good luck.

  11. #10
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    This isnt that messy or complicated. he told you flat out that he just wants to be friends, and you are creating drama over this.
    I understand you are hurt.. but its time to pick up the pieces and move on.
    Get some professional help if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself. That is not a typical reaction to this situation.

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