Gratitude

Hey guys & gals. I just want to say I’m glad that this site was here a while ago & is still here. I’ve been lingering in the same status from when I stopped visiting this site a few months ago & it’s very good to be able to read back what went on and have a reality check that the things I was confused about or had concerns about, really haven’t changed very much. So, basically it is me that needs to change in terms of what I will accept.

Also, I realize that I am much more alone than I thought I was. I don’t know how to do it yet, but I have to expand my IRL circle of people to call on, to be friends, to care about and to be good to outside of my geographically distant family and potential future romantic interests. I’m the meantime, I’m glad I can come to this site.

Well, some people need more friends than others, so take that into account. But certainly keep putting yourself out there.

you probably have all those friends and that support circle already, you just didn't realize it as most of us sort of cut off contact (or minimize it) with those friends and support circle when we get into a relationship (especially females). you will probably find "people coming out of the woodwork" now that they know you are out of that relationship that "knew all along" but didnt' want to step on toes.

i would also like to emphasize that IN THE END, the only one you can count on and trust for the rest of your life, is yourself. So work jsut as hard on supporting and enjoying and relying on YOURSELF as you do trying to create a circle of relationships to do this for you. The more you can make that pact with yourself, the more you assure anybody that you allow in your circle won't break that and contribute to it.

good luck.

Thank you Richie. I guess I’ve been “strong” in supporting myself for a while and instead of being alone I would like to share my time with someone special and be emotionally supported by him and to reciprocate and it be appreciated.

At my ripe old age I need to learn to make new friends. It’s time.

This is a quite natural feeling. Have you considered dating again?

I’ve been “strong” in supporting myself for a while and instead of being alone I would like to share my time with someone special and be emotionally supported by him and to reciprocate and it be appreciated.

I have been putting myself on “hold” for someone with whom a consistent, in-person, relationship just hasn’t materialized. I ask the direct questions to him—like is this connection (mostly phone/text) in my mind or made up by me? And he answers no, of course not, it’s mutual and says he wants to get together but he hasn’t been able to but should be soon. This has been going on for a very long time while neither of our schedules were really open. Now mine is freeing up, his should be too, but he’s not making plans with me. So, I regret being a woman in persuit of communication, connection, emotions, shared experiences, because, finally I’m going to ascribe to the John Grey? Ideals where the man needs to be in pursuit. If I leave him alone and he wants this, he will magically start initialing contact, making plans and treating me the way I expect—right?

My summary of that mindset is—if he’s not working for it, then there is no IT to be had.

Who I think this man is—is someone who has a lot of morals and qualities I value, and I’m attracted to him. He’s not perfect, and that’s fine with me. But the fact that I’m physically alone is unacceptable.

So, I’m doing no initiating contact because I truly feel that I’m ruining any potential this ever had by being the initiator. I’m glad to know that I can confidently initiate now, but it’s not the position I want to be in. My fear has been that the whole relationship will go away if I don’t nudge. But I also think that I’m holding onto the hope that he and the relationship will become what I want and I finally feel that this is nonsense.

So while I’m giving it some time to see if he comes around, I’m just doing self improvement things and making other social connections. If I need to move on to an eventual new relationship, I’m going to need to be “improved me” so that I don’t pursue and don’t act needy. Also, if I’m going back to online dating, then I don’t want to be pining for this man and feeling like I’m settling. I’m not emotionally done with him. All I can control is what I do or don’t do. So, in this scenario, no initiating contact, and no dating other men until I feel differently.