Shocked by His Lack of Empathy

I was in a short but intense relationship with a guy, we seemed perfect together, I thought he was the one. He was very charming and complimenting me all the time.

Then I started to notice him losing his temper with me very easily, being extremely sensitive and getting angry over non existent issues. His mom recently passed away, he said he wanted me at the service but then a few days later accused me of trying to force myself into his life and said I only wanted to be there to be seen with him. I was floored. I had no idea where this animosity was coming from.

A few days later our relationship ended for good, we were talking at his house about something else that was stressing him out (nothing related to me) and he flipped out because he didn't like the way I was sitting. He percieved my posture as having an attitude. Again I was floored, afraid to even speak because I didn't want to set him off anymore. He kicked me out, making me drive an hour home in the middle of the night and told me our relationship was over.

The next day we talked via text and for the next month he would string me along believing if I would just stop making him angry by begging him to talk to me, that we would talk and work things out. If I asked him to talk he would send an angry message then block me so I couldn't respond. If I went a few days without contacting him, he'd send me a random meme or small talk.

I admit I was acting like an idiot. I told him how much his silent treatment and mixed signals were hurting me, I kept begging for some kind of closure/explanation/any verbal communication. He would say he might call if he had time, never did. He'd keep saying if only I did this or that and didn't stress him out, he would have talked.

After a few weeks of this power struggle, I was becoming more upset and desperate, he started calling me names, cursing at me, told me he literally hates me and that he's told everyone in his life about how awful I am and they hate me too.

I guess my question is, could this erratic angry behavior be because he's stressed out from his mom dying or should I assume this person I loved is abusive or possibly mentally unstable?

IMO, you dodged a bullet.

It seems he was love bombing you, a common tactic for narcissists and sociopaths. Him blaming you for his stress and outbursts makes him appear to possibly be a narcissist.

I know it hurts, but I say cut your losses and be thankful you saw his true colors in the beginning.

I would not worry about what he is, just be glad he is gone.

Agree with Seraphim. I’m really sorry he hurt you and your best defense is to move on and appreciate the people I’m your life who treat you with respect and care and show love back to them with the genuine respect and care you value. That’s the silver lining. It doesn’t matter what drove him to treat you so horribly. I hope you can move on very soon.

Yes, he's a classic abuser. Read up on red flags for abusers and warning signs of abusive relationships. He's not "mentally unstable". Abusers are very calm and calculating when it comes to hooking you in only to turn around and beat you up mentally and eventually physically. He never loved you. Be glad it's over. Block and delete him and all his people from all messaging and social media. In the future, as soon as you encounter a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't situation, Run!

should I assume this person is abusive?

It sounds like this is just the way he is as a person.

He must have had these anger issues prior to his mum dying.

As you were both in the honeymoon phase you didn't see it only until his mum passed.

I know grief can change people. That said still doesn't excuse him treating someone like the way he treated you.

If he wanted you support he would have leaned on you even though it was early days into the relationship. A friend of mine in uni was only with his gf a couple months when his dad passed. He never pushed her away and she supported him. They are still together now. So it's possible for a relationship to still blossom with life changing things like loss of a parent.

Looks like you dodged a bullet with this guy as he clearly has anger issues and it would have gotten worse later down the line.

So sorry you had to go through this but you will meet someone who is worth your time.

he flipped out because he didn't like the way I was sitting. He percieved my posture as having an attitude

Run, and don't look back.

You dated this dude for all of 6 minutes. You can go down the road of diagonosis but man oh man is that going to be a rough road.

Time better spent, figure out why you fell hard for a guy you barely knew. YOU fell hard, there’s no explaination of him reeling you in and you resisting and then when you finally fell he switched it up, no that’s not what been described what’s been described is you falling in love with someone who has treated you like crap. PLEASE get help for that... the fact that the blame is going to this guy... yikes... the whole point of dating is to learn who someone is and whether or not they are a match, the first time a man you are still dating and don’t know that well shows you he handles stress by lashing out that was a blaring siren that he isn’t dating material

again from the sounds of it you’ve been with this guy for 16 minutes, there’s nothing tying you to him... let this go and seek therapy so you’re not a sitting duck... in the time it would take you to self diagnose this guy you can read self help books.

should I assume this person I loved is abusive or possibly mentally unstable?