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Thread: Should I ask him to meet up for coffee

  1. #11
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Yep. There are millions of people in the world with whom you can become friends, so why target one who has already hurt your feelings?
    He didn't hurt my feelings on purpose. It was my fault for assuming stuff. I want that to be clear. I am NOT blaming him.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    I honestly am on the fencepost about this, so I may not do anything at all. Im not sure if I want to risk my emotions right now. Thanks all for your advice

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101
    I honestly am on the fencepost about this, so I may not do anything at all. Im not sure if I want to risk my emotions right now. Thanks all for your advice
    The issue for you is you get overly attached -it's your way, right? So "coffee" is a big risk for you especially because he's told you he's not interested in you romantically so you're adding the challenge part, the fantasy that you get him to change his mind.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101
    He didn't hurt my feelings on purpose. It was my fault for assuming stuff. I want that to be clear. I am NOT blaming him.
    It's not about blame, it's about self honesty in making choices that are right for you. Pursuing friendship with someone who's rejected the idea of romance isn't issuing a punishment, it's just self care.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Agreed with the above posters. You would just be putting yourself in a position of wanting but can't have...why do that to yourself?

    Get back to either the dating sites or elsewhere and find a man who is on the same page as you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Agreed with the above posters. You would just be putting yourself in a position of wanting but can't have...why do that to yourself?

    Get back to either the dating sites or elsewhere and find a man who is on the same page as you.
    Sure, and be clear with yourself about what you really want. If you want more friends, change the habit you mentioned earlier of keeping to yourself in your travels. Then you can make real friends without misappropriating any romantic attractions.

    If you're only interested in getting to know men with whom you can fixate romantically, then don't fool yourself about that. Be clear with yourself so you won't masquerade your motives behind some veil of platonic generosity. That's messy kid stuff, and it will hurt your heart.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    I think what I want in life right now is more friends. I know people like my personality. When I was at that train thing, I actually was able to chat with people and talk to people, and I still chat with them now. For the last few years, I've concentrated mostly on my personal life (trying to get my life together with money, working, taking care of my parents since they are getting old, and just isolating myself). I am very much an introvert. I haven't put myself out there to look for a guy in a few years because that tends to cause issues where I get attached too easily and it blows up in my face.

    I'm actually afraid to get involved in a relationship with anybody (hence why I try to push away my emotions), because of my fear of being hurt. I didn't go into this trip hoping to meet someone or anything of that nature, I actually was debating on cancelling the trip at the last minute because I wasn't sure how people would take me out there (since I am not white and I do have a type of disability that is noticeable). Tim actually convinced me to go since he said it would be good for me to broaden my horizons and travel like I used to do.

  9. #18
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    What kinds of things do you do now to meet people and to be a friend to people?

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