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Thread: Kind of ex boyfriends best friend issues

  1. #1

    Kind of ex boyfriends best friend issues

    I've been with my I guess ex for over 5 months and we love each other but most every time we fight it's centered around his best friend who I feel is very interpersonally ineffective. I feel like he always has some sort of problem with me whether it's my ex not hanging out with him enough, someting I said that he has interpreted negatively, accusing me of things I don't believe I have done etc. I try to be as calm as possible but last night I snapped because yet again my ex invalidated me and told me I was being ridiculous and that he didn't want another petty stupid irrelevant argument. I broke up with him in that mment and I regret it. I acted rashly and I'm afraid his best friend is filling his head wit negative opinion 's of me. I've tried apologizing and I just feel like I'm sacrificing my self respect. He won't talk to me. I'm so distraught and I don't know what to do because I do love my ex very much I just don't know what to think about myself because his best friend is telling me I deflect on other people, that I make everything about me etc. I've gone through our conversations and I don't feel like I do these things but I'm starting to question everything I believed about myself. What if I'm a horrible person? I wish my ex would talk to me. I don't know what to do. Please help.

  2. #2
    I forgot to mention my ex said I was ridiculous when I reached out to him about his friend yet again criticising me.

  3. #3
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    Well, your ex's friend seems like a horrible person and since your ex is listening to him, he's a horrible person too. And the fact that you're fighting all the time means there's something seriously wrong with the relationship.

    Get away from these two guys. It doesn't sound like your ex wants you anymore. Start looking for a nice guy to be with. Forget these losers and move on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I don't imagine your ex's friend is making these comments out of absolutely nowhere... this is a story people tell when they want to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviors, and don't want to look at their part.

    That being said... it doesn't make it okay for this friend to talk about you badly to your BF... nor do I think it's at all appropriate for your BF to share these things with you.

    If the friend is open to it, maybe sitting down with him to get it resolved might be a good idea... and looking honestly at what your part is in the situation too.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be glad he's gone. He sounds emotionally abusive, disrespectful and dismissive. He is the problem, not the friend. Read up on red flags and signs of abusive relationships and abusive people. Cut him off. Block and delete him from everything.
    Originally Posted by Andrealc405
    I've been with my I guess ex for over 5 months . yet again my ex invalidated me and told me I was being ridiculous and that he didn't want another petty stupid irrelevant argument. I'm starting to question everything I believed about myself. What if I'm a horrible person?

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How do you know the friend criticizes you?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Without providing some concrete examples of how conflict occurred, it's impossible for us to tell you if it's you or the guys, both of them. That said, as a general rule, one of the biggest signs that you are dealing with a highly abusive, manipulative person is that you are starting to question your sanity and no longer feel like you know right from wrong. So beware. On that basis, I'd say that breaking up was the right thing to do and you are probably best off staying far far away from both of them.

    Keep in mind that your ex chooses to be friends with this guy, which means that they are both really alike deep down. You might not have noticed that quite yet in the brief time you dated plus the pink goggles, but chances are really good that your ex is just as bad as his friend deep down.

  9. #8
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    Yeah, there are those so-called "best friends" who do that.

    My ex's best friend talked trash about me for a long time. He told my then-boyfriend that I was a controlling female dog and that I was always telling him what to do (not true). Then when I was scheduled to have major life-saving surgery, the best friend told my then-boyfriend that he needed to dump me because, as the best friend put it, "I could never have a girlfriend who was 'scarred'". (Best Friend had no girlfriend and there was nary a female anywhere near him in the 4 years my ex and I were together).

    Best Friend was jealous. He wanted my then-boyfriend all to himself and I was in the way. Fortunately, my then-boyfriend never acted on his friend's suggestions that he get rid of me (we broke up for other reasons unrelated to the best friend).

    So yeah, they're out there. What's troubling is your ex listening to this friend and allowing his opinion to override your relationship.

    Good riddance...

    Even if you succeeded in reconciling the best friend would still be there squawking in your boyfriend's ear. And your boyfriend apparently not only allows him to squawk, but pays attention.


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