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Friend thinks new guy is bad news


Jtbelieve

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Over the past week I’ve been chatting with a new guy (we met online). It turns out my friend slept with him a years ago (one night stand) From what she’s saying she basically initiatied it. She send him a bunch of nudes and then slept with him on the first date.

 

She keeps telling me that this guy is all about sex. And that once he gets what he wants I won’t be hearing from him again.

 

We’ve actually been talking non stop, and seem to have a lot in common. My friend says that she has no problem with me talking/ dating with him but keeps bringing up that he only wants one thing. I currently am not viewing this guy as one that only wants sex. And looking back at her situation, it seems like she initiated the whole sex thing? Which might have been a turnoff for him? What are your thoughts? Should I run for the hills? Or give him a chance.

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If you do decide to go out with him, your eyes should be wide open, based on what your friend said. Hard to say what the truth is with her story, so be observant, listen to what he says and how he acts. Since this was a year or more ago maybe he's changed and you will find out if that's so if you go out with him. Basically I am saying give him a chance. Every story has two sides.

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If a woman sent me nude pictures and slept with me on the first date, she definitely wouldn't be girlfriend or take home to meet your folks material. In my mind she would fall into a casual sex / one night stand category.

 

Your friend set the guidelines for their interaction, not the guy. Even the nicest guy who walked the planet would have probably done the same.

 

Take it slow and I'm sure he will be a true gentleman. He will have far more respect for you than your friend..... No decent guy respects a woman who sends nude pictures before they meet.

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I agree with the rest. Her sending nudes before they met and sexual stuff and then having sex with him on the first meet/date and him taking it as a one night stand/casual thing doesn't reflect on his character and is what most guys would do. It'd have been different if he were grooming her making her think they'd have a relationship, have sex with her and then never talking with her again. But that wasn't the case.

 

If he's not asking you for nudes or having sexual conversations with you I'd meet him in a public place, see how you get along in person and then decide if you want more dates or not.

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It sounds like she was all on board with the sexual aspect and he was certainly not complaining about it. It's hard to say if that's all he wants, but perhaps he's changed over time and is ready to settle down, or perhaps your friend was quick to jump into bed and didn't hold that aspect back and allow a relationship to grow in both a friendship and intimacy. I agree with Melencholy - you go in with eyes wide open and pay attention. You won't know unless you actually date him and get to know him. If his only goal is sex, he won't waste a lot of time on dates and getting to know you.

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It turns out my friend slept with him a years ago (one night stand) From what she’s saying she basically initiatied it. She send him a bunch of nudes and then slept with him on the first date.

 

She keeps telling me that this guy is all about sex. And that once he gets what he wants I won’t be hearing from him again.

 

We’ve actually been talking non stop, and seem to have a lot in common.

 

 

Your friend is jealous.

 

She doesn't want you to have a chance of holding onto a guy she couldn't.

 

She's firing more torpedoes at this than the USS 688 Los Angeles packed.

 

Reassess her importance as a friend, not your burgeoning relationship.

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I know many people who change their mindset and values about casual sex. And I agree she wanted to have sex with him and he wanted to have sex with her. For all you know he thinks of that as a mistake and she thinks of it as a rejection and she's jealous that he's having actual normal conversations with you.

 

Meet him in a public place and you'll know very quickly if he continues to be a person you have things in common with.

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You sure this person is a friend?

 

Whatever her motives, they are not kind. They're simply sad and spiteful. She had as much agency in the sex-forward dynamic she created with this guy as he did. The nude photos, the quick romp—cool, no judgement there.

 

But now he's the bad boy, she's the damsel, and you're the next mark? No—pure nonsense. She is not looking out for you, at all. She's throwing shade to taste some power.

 

Ignore her, get to know the guy on your terms, at your pace, WHATEVER that is. Don't put him on trial, seeing if he's "changed" since his "bad boy" days with your friend. He's just a person, and that was something that happened—pretty vanilla and G-rated in the grand scheme of consenting adults. A lot of great, kind people have one night stands; in 2018, they shouldn't be some scarlet letter for either gender.

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If you do decide to go out with him, your eyes should be wide open, based on what your friend said. Hard to say what the truth is with her story, so be observant, listen to what he says and how he acts. Since this was a year or more ago maybe he's changed and you will find out if that's so if you go out with him. Basically I am saying give him a chance. Every story has two sides.

 

I completely agree! Thanks for your advice

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SherrySher definitely didn’t plan this. She also slept with 26 different people in two weeks yers ago. We live in a small city

 

Well...not trying to judge your friend -- she can do whatever she wants with her body/life -- but...I don't think I'd trust her judgment on this. She doesn't sound as though she is (or at least was) after more than just sex, either, and she might just be projecting onto him. She may be jealous that he likes you and trying to sabotage that. I agree with the others -- go out on at least one proper date with him, in public, and make up your own mind. Sometimes, our "friends" have agendas that they might not even realize.

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It sounds like frenemies who are mutually catty and disrespectful toward each other. Date this guy if you want, but there are better fish in the sea. This "friend" talks too much and some of it sounds like fish tales. Does this "small town" have so few men that she supposedly dated all of them? It would be best to find a better class of friends and a better dating site.

She also slept with 26 different people in two weeks yers ago. We live in a small city
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If you do go out with him, I'd ask him to take an STD test and then again in 6 months since he slept with Trampy McTrampington. If you go out with him, I'd mention my hesitation that your friend dated him. But i would also communicate with other guys

 

Or you could just wave him away.

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Over the past week I’ve been chatting with a new guy (we met online). It turns out my friend slept with him a years ago (one night stand) From what she’s saying she basically initiatied it. She send him a bunch of nudes and then slept with him on the first date.

 

She keeps telling me that this guy is all about sex. And that once he gets what he wants I won’t be hearing from him again.

 

We’ve actually been talking non stop, and seem to have a lot in common. My friend says that she has no problem with me talking/ dating with him but keeps bringing up that he only wants one thing. I currently am not viewing this guy as one that only wants sex. And looking back at her situation, it seems like she initiated the whole sex thing? Which might have been a turnoff for him? What are your thoughts? Should I run for the hills? Or give him a chance.

 

Give him a chance.

 

She initiated sex, she got sex, and somehow he's the bad guy??

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Just because he was all about sex with her, that does equate to him being all about sex with you.

 

You are two different people, and therefore your dynamic with him will be different from what it was with her.

 

If it were me, (1) unless she was a good friend from way back, not sure I'd even want her for a friend, and (2) take what she says with a pinch of salt - in one ear and out the other.

 

Judge for yourself and your interaction with him what type of man he is.

 

Always keep eyes and ears open in your dating experiences, that's a given!

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