Deep connection but nothing ever happens

He was my university friend for one year. Friend, well not that close friend. Firstly we live on the same small city in America but people at my uni are highy independent, nobody ever notices if you're there or not, just dont care. That was weird for me at the beginning but I got used to it. And then I met him in this class, who showed a little bit more interes on me. Sometimes we could walk home together so the conversation cracked. We are the same age early twenties, but very mature for our age. I feel like we have the same personality and we are compatibel on many things. I also think that classes are the best way to get to know somebody.

So we have been having these conversation walking home but I am not sure why they felt so good, maybe cause they really cracked or because I am actually in l*** with him. I dont even wanna mention that kind and wonderful word cause I know that once you're there in my situation you are fu**ed up. I find him to be the ideal man I would want, logic, very polite, cool, very assertive, not stressed out, but I got to mention we never went out together. Why?

He really was different from teh others, so respectful and made me feel so comforting a great listener and conversationalist that I couldnt help thinking about him. Well days passed and nothing happened just like a LEMON TREE. Then we got to meet againg on a course one month ago. OMG, we started again having a conversation and I felt just like home. I dnot know what is happening. Everything seems so simple with him and so comforting, but again nothing happens, I dont know how to explain this. I feel like he likes me too, but just hasnt the gusts to ask me out.

He has this high attitude I think that doesnt asks me out, but I sense a high connection between us. To consider I also have this high attitude or better maybe it is alow selfesteem, which means not engaging on asking out smb because I am afraid I may bother their personal space, or tehy may not like me. But on the other side if I look on facts he has my number, we are on the same master group so he could have messaged me. Dont know which side to think. I am reading books on meditation and emotional intelligence and I dont feel needy to him, I have a good career and I could forget about him and focus on my life easily as I do on most of the days, but I dont want to. I really like him seeing this through my brain too not only my heart.

I feel like it is the first time I talk to a guy so much and he is not asking me out.

1. My question is has this ever happened to you, that if you base on facts, if he has your number and still hasnt texted he is not that into you, but if you base on your feelings there is a deep connection you cannot deny.

2. And I know that there is not too much to ask for advice here but I know he participates on an activity, should I show up sometimes there since I like another activity they do there, or that would be like chasing him up. If he wanted he could have asked me out when we were still at uni, no need to chase people??

3. Sometimes I would like to imagine his face, I dont want to forget it. Is this stupid teen's behaviour?

Well, first of all, you two don't sound very mature for your ages. It sounds the other way around. Have you had any relationships before?

Do either of you have Asperger's? Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be any "heat" between you two. You're just two friends who talk. He hasn't called you. You haven't called him. There doesn't seem to be anything there.

Since you're at college, you should be making friends and going to parties and events where you can meet people and maybe get a date or two or three. Thanksgiving parties should be coming up. Christmas is coming with lots of parties. Find some people who seem interesting and start talking to them. Also take advantage of any other activities. Join a couple of groups. They're there to meet and mingle. You've got to get out there, girl, because you can make friendships there that will last for the rest of your life.

Well, first of all, you two don't sound very mature for your ages. It sounds the other way around. Have you had any relationships before?

 

Do either of you have Asperger's? Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be any "heat" between you two. You're just two friends who talk. He hasn't called you. You haven't called him. There doesn't seem to be anything there.

 

Since you're at college, you should be making friends and going to parties and events where you can meet people and maybe get a date or two or three. Thanksgiving parties should be coming up. Christmas is coming with lots of parties. Find some people who seem interesting and start talking to them. Also take advantage of any other activities. Join a couple of groups. They're there to meet and mingle. You've got to get out there, girl, because you can make friendships there that will last for the rest of your life.

Ah I see where you're going with the college thing. But wait, thats not college, its lasts one year of master, only older people there, responsible for the degree(engineering) and we're working on master thesis. This is a pretty busy degree, however I could make some time to meet quality people.

As per that syndrome, I read it is a kind of autism but softer, where people have dificulties looking each other in the eyes etc. nope we dont suffer from menthal illneses. Maybe its engineering who makes people cold. Ihave seen on other degrees people are more afectionate with each other.

Why do we lack maturity may I ask, just because he didnt call? It is almost not common here calling, people do use texting more. Maybe I didnt mention that at the beggining I didnt know their language so that was a big NO for approaching me that way, I got other guys asking me out and that was inmature, cause communication is crucial. What wre they expecting from a date like me if we didnt a have a common language.

But he was different, he comforted me in another way, didnt make me uncomfortable and when I finally could support full conversations on a common language he offered to walk together home a bunch of times. I could find him a bit shy thpugh, but he does have all the qualities I mentioned before. And yes I beleive on that deep connection even though we didnt get to go out. I blame myself, maybe he didnt find me gf material, who knows? Maybe he doesnt need a gf, he is a bit addicted on videogames but please do not mention another menthal illness, almost everybody does that here.

When is the last time you saw him or heard from him? What does this mean?: "Well days passed and nothing happened just like a LEMON TREE"

If he has your number and is not asking you out it means he's not interested and you simply have a crush on him that is not mutual.

if he has your number and still hasnt texted he is not that into you, but if you base on your feelings there is a deep connection you cannot deny.

When is the last time you saw him or heard from him? What does this mean?: "Well days passed and nothing happened just like a LEMON TREE"

 

If he has your number and is not asking you out it means he's not interested and you simply have a crush on him that is not mutual.

Well one month ago, and I dont think Im gonna see him anymore unless I participate on some mutual activity. I feel like I want to try for the last time participating, still not convinced that it is not mutual, but on the other hand I feel like Im chasing him, I dont want that.

Ask him out for coffee (outside of the university environment) and see how it goes and decide from there.

Ask him out for coffee (outside of the university environment) and see how it goes and decide from there.

Actually from where I come from it is up to men asking out. I mean in this context where we dont get to see each other, I wouldnt like texting or calling him to ask out.

What is "nothing happened just like a LEMON TREE"? What activity are you hoping to show up at so he notices you? Do men in your country only ask women out in person? Do you have each other's contact info and social media info? If so, why wouldn't a man who is interested contact you for a date? Is that forbidden in your country?

I dont think Im gonna see him anymore unless I participate on some mutual activity.

Either ask him to do something with you or give it up.

Where are you from?

Is it seen immoral having coffee with a man? It'd just be two friends catching up at first. Then he can ask you out for proper dates if he wants to. It's not like you're inviting him for a date.

Where are you from?

 

Is it seen immoral having coffee with a man? It'd just be two friends catching up at first. Then he can ask you out for proper dates if he wants to. It's not like you're inviting him for a date.

I agree. Don't ask him out on a date. Can you invite him to a group activity or get involved in his activity and then suggest a group activity -socializing after the activity?

A story- many years ago before you were born in the early 80s my friend was in college and had a major crush on a fraternity member(she was a "little sister" to the fraternity). So she followed him around -not stalking at all- whatever activities he went to, she showed up -sports, parties, etc. They ended up dating seriously for 3 years or so - until he took up with her best friend/roommate. I always wondered whether she'd actually chased him a bit too much and whether he kind of just fell into a relationship with her, it being college and all. She was crazy about him though.

So I recommend going to the activity once or twice and more but only if you are independently involved in it and have your own people there, not just him. I recommend asking him to grab lunch or coffee or whatever -not a formal date - and be approachable and flirty. I don't think he lacks the guts to ask you out. I think he is not asking you out because he is either not yet sufficiently interested and/or not available to date.

Whatever happened to the fine art of verbal communication?

Actually from where I come from it is up to men asking out.

Call him up. Ask him if he'd like to meet for a coffee or a lunch/dinner.

It's amazing how many of history's crises have been resolved by picking up the phone.

Uh firstly it is not inmoral to ask a guy out, what a misinterpretation, but just calling soemone out of the blue when we havent texed during our friendship, oh from what you say he is not available to date, that would make me needy.

On the other hand I do not have guts to ask him out this way, I prefer minding my business and suffering (joke) better than expecting some rejection, maybe low selfesteem.

Sorry I dare in life but not in this aspect.

Secondly, it may not sound true but he doesnt have any social network, not every body has facebook and things, so it is more difficult to know if he is up to something and not available.

And lastly I could definitely write to some random guy from my master who has asked me out before and who still wanna go out with me Im sure , and eventually I know that he may bring up the topic of going out, but this one no, because he matters to me.

Sorry I dontt know anymore what to ask here. It is like just sufferin till he finds me, or till I find someone better (I doubt better but someone different).

Anyway for the upcoming cases: DanZee how can I be more mature??

It doesn't have to be a heavy thing. Just text him asking how he is doing. See if he'd like to catch up sometime.

You are risking very little. You are friendly but don't keep in touch, so the worst that can happen is you see him as often as you do now which is not at all.

In my opinion, it would be a lot more chasey to arrange to be where he is hoping he'll ask you out than the minute it takes you to send a text!

Uh firstly it is not inmoral to ask a guy out, what a misinterpretation, but just calling soemone out of the blue when we havent texed during our friendship, oh from what you say he is not available to date, that would make me needy.

On the other hand I do not have guts to ask him out this way, I prefer minding my business and suffering (joke) better than expecting some rejection, maybe low selfesteem.

Sorry I dare in life but not in this aspect.

Secondly, it may not sound true but he doesnt have any social network, not every body has facebook and things, so it is more difficult to know if he is up to something and not available.

 

And lastly I could definitely write to some random guy from my master who has asked me out before and who still wanna go out with me Im sure , and eventually I know that he may bring up the topic of going out, but this one no, because he matters to me.

Sorry I dontt know anymore what to ask here. It is like just sufferin till he finds me, or till I find someone better (I doubt better but someone different).

So, what have you got to lose?

Face?

Just ask the question.

So, what have you got to lose?

 

Face?

 

Just ask the question.

Me asking him out of the blue out, well imagine he has a gf, my woman intuition say that no but if yes, how desperate I would look.

So what are your choices if you are not allowed to ask men out in your culture? Dating your "master"...What is that? Do you mean supervisor or professor?

If this guy you have a crush on knows your contact info and hasn't asked you out, you can assume he isn't interested.

just calling soemone out of the blue when we havent texed during our friendship. I could definitely write to some random guy from my master who has asked me out before and who still wanna go out with me and eventually I know that he may bring up the topic of going out.

So what are your choices if you are not allowed to ask men out in your culture? Dating your "master"...What is that? Do you mean supervisor or professor?

 

If this guy you have a crush on knows your contact info and hasn't asked you out, you can assume he isn't interested.

Just a master friend. Well all can be possible, he may or may not be interested. I just dont have the right selfesteem to deal with the rejection in thia case.

If a guy you have a crush on doesn't ask you out it has nothing to do with your 'self esteem'. He may have a gf or simply not be interested. So? You go out with other men who are interested and who do ask you on dates, rather than ponder and obsess about someone who is not contacting you nor asking you out.

Just a master friend. I just dont have the right selfesteem to deal with the rejection in thia case.

Just a master friend. Well all can be possible, he may or may not be interested. I just dont have the right selfesteem to deal with the rejection in thia case.

If so then don't date at all. All dating comes with a risk of feeling rejected (meaning people decline dates/don't ask for another for many reasons including many that are not personal about the other person so it's not a rejection of the person).

Even if he asks you out, according to you you'd suffer from feeling rejection if he didn't ask you out again. In general if a man is interested in dating you and is available to date the only relevant sign of interest is asking you out on a date. Everything else is speculation and can be crazy-making.

Either ask him to do something with you or give it up.

This makes sense and simplifies everything from being a useless wheelspin of speculation. Either you want his answer, or you don't. You get to pick.

Well, I got to thank you. You always make me see things from another point of view. Appreciate your advices. But just a doubt, I see on other posts that it is advicable to be serious when it comes to partners in uni, work, professional ones, etc., since these are not dating places. So, I guess this is why we both are a bit not initiative on this point, at asking out smb in university. It would look like he has come there to look up for girls if he would do that. I am still not convinced to ask him out. I am leaving it up to the fate. Hope I'll meet him one day. But no doubt there was a strong attraction between us!

And I got to mention another thing I love about this guy, he is not manipulative, I mean in conversations, he never says something so he will make me do or say something else, or ask about private things. He has this way of comforting and listening and being really rational and straightforward with his questions and topics. I love it. I just wrote this since it is a good quality, people should consider when getting to know somebody.

Good luck all!

I think it's great to meet people at work. I met my husband that way. With these conditions -you don't work together directly and you don't supervise each other (if you do work together then it might work depending on how often -my husband and I never worked together and worked on different floors in different departments of the company. When we were dating there was a remote chance we would have been assigned to work on the same project but it didn't happen. I also think it's great to meet people through work - people who set you up on dates with their outside friends and you do the same.