Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 47 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 466

Thread: Is he just not into me after all?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    96

    Is he just not into me after all?

    Iíve been dating a guy for 6 weeks now. We are both divorced, have children, full time jobs and live 50 miles from each other, yet, we manage to see each other once or twice a week when we donít have our kids. I have completely fallen for him so now my emotions are involved and I feel hurt when Iím not with him because he just goes MIA.

    He was never the next texter, Iíd get something maybe every 3 days, but at least when we have plans, I will get a random ďgood morning beautiful, only two more days :)Ē. Now, I just donít get that anymore. What confuses me though, is that when we are on a date, he will already initiate seeing me again and make plans with me. So this leads me to believe he does have some level of interest. And while he can choose to see others closer to him, he puts in the effort to see me. I also visit him and usually these are overnight visits where he would take me to a nice dinner, we would maybe watch a game, talk for hours, etc. And he is extremely affectionate- hold my hand in public, kisses me, caresses me, holds me at night... Heís just amazing.

    Last weekend, I finally told him I enjoy him so much I donít want to see others, and he said the same, that he enjoys his kids, his alone time, and being with me and heís not looking for anything else as he is extremely content. I also mentioned the dating site we met through and asked if he was still active on it. He said no- even though he is still on it- and said he doesnít interact or message anyone on there really. He basically just looks. After I opened up, I noticed he did a little too. He started showing me pictures of his parents and extended family. Then upon kissing me goodbye, he invited me to a game this weekend which would be the first time I would be introduced to his friends. Sounds interested right?

    Well the problem is that I feel like if I donít reach out every couple of days, Iíll never really hear from him. I donít receive any texts to give me any confidence that heís even into me. If I text him, however, he responds immediately. Whatís bothering me now is that a few days ago, I asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch- heís literally in the suite next to mine about once a week. He said he wished but couldnít because he was not going to be in the suites that day but would let me know how the week progresses because he knows he will be there towards the end of this week. Well two days ago, I was copied on an email (or companies sort of intertwine), and he mentioned to the guy he was emailing that he would be around tomorrow. Well... looks like he already knows he will be around, so why have I not heard from him? And tomorrow (Friday) will be the first weekend evening I wonít see him. He did not plan anything with me. He did plan something Saturday- the game-, but havenít heard anything about that either so Iím wondering if thatís even going to happen.

    He seems into me when weíre together but I feel like thereís disconnect there when weíre not. Sounds like heís not interested? I donít know if itís even worth bringing it up to him cause it may make me sound needy perhaps? And advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This is the first guy Iíve really liked in years and Iíve fallen for him. It hurts feeling like heís not feeling the same way.

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    814
    Gender
    Female
    What do you mean heís in the suite next to yours? Do you rent workspace or something? Thatís the only thing I could think of when you said that.

    As for worrying.. donít. Itís only been SIX WEEKS. Chill out a bit and step back. Pretend you didnít know he was going to be around. Go out and have fun. You have a date Saturday, so youíll see him then.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    96
    Yes, I work where there are multiple corporate buildings and about once a week, he comes into the building next to mine.

    I just keep getting conflicting info that by 6 weeks, of a guy is into me, heíll show it. But his lack of communication when weíre not together shows heís not... until heís with me and continues to plan dates.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    14
    More than likely, he's just living his life on the other side of all of this.

    You said Y'all both have kids. How old are these kids?

    He mentioned to you that he enjoys seeing you, spending time with his kids, and spending time alone. You seemed to have taken that kind of badly when he mentioned he didn't want that to change. Maybe think about that for a second. It is understandable that you'd want more, but it has been 6 weeks. My advice is to live your life separate from his for now. See him when Y'all make time, spend time with your kids, and spend some time alone. When you're dating at a decision hasn't been made to be exclusive, especially in an adult situation where you have a separate life and live far from each other, then you shouldn't allow yourself to be so head over heels right now. Give it some time. If the game doesn't happen, then that's okay. Don't freak out or be upset; just calm down and go out and do something. Being that it is so early, you don't want to attack him with questions about his relationship life. Enjoy your time with him and get to know each other.

    You seem like a good person. He is interested in you. If he starts losing that interest and putting you off, then start having conversations with some friends or the dating site you found each other on. My advice is not to dwell on him. My advice is not to bring it up. If you're curious if he will text you if you never text him, then try it, but don't be waiting around by the phone.

    You got this. Just remember that your happiness doesn't have to depend on anyone else so think maturely about the possibilities, and live your life to the fullest. It is what you make it.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,697
    Gender
    Female
    I often wonder what (feels like the majority of) young people would do in my day when there were no cell phones that kept you attached to your partner at the hip. We heard from one another when we were home from school/work when we hit a land line.

    He's showing you that he's interested and is enjoying your company on a regular basis so please don't put so much value on a few words on a screen. If you would like a bit more contact then you initiate until you see him on Saturday and ask him what amount of contact is he comfortable with and if you can't adjust your 'need' to match his a bit more, then you're going to be angsty like this often which will end up ruining your emotional connection to him.

    Try and chill and when you have time, ask him to CALL you so you can chat voice to voice for a few minutes. See if he's open to that rather then words on a screen.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    So is this all about texting? How old are you both? Because, like ThatwasThen, I didn't have texting when I was dating, and I too would set up my next date at the end of the current date. And I didn't have the option to doing anything more than leaving messages with my girlfriend's parents when I was trying to contact her.

    You describe this guy as great, but you're not feeling enough love after 6 weeks because he isn't texting you constantly? Maybe he just doesn't text that well. The older you are, the less you understand about texting. Why don't you just call him if you want to talk to him?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,802
    Gender
    Male
    It sounds like it's going well for 6 weeks in. Try not to let old ghosts and insecurities from your divorce or ex revisit this budding relationship. Reflect on the overall quality of the guy, the time and don't let past baggage ruin it. Quality time together seems to be happening, so why fret when he already told you he hates texting?
    Originally Posted by Lex00
    Iíve been dating a guy for 6 weeks now. We are both divorced, have children, full time jobs and live 50 miles from each other, yet, we manage to see each other once or twice a week when we donít have our kids.
    He was never the next texter.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,052
    You said he's not much of a texter...so why are you expecting him to text? Do you gauge your relationships on how frequently someone types words onto a tiny screen? Or on how the person actually interacts with you when you're together?

    If texting is that important to you, then maybe dump this guy and find someone who's glued to his phone. Otherwise...how about you enjoy the very early stages of this new relationship?

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    96
    Sorry I should probably rephrase... I just wish he would reach out first, not necessarily text, maybe a phone call. But I mention text because that seems to be our only form of communication when weíre not together. Weíve never had a phone conversation since our first date when he called me to say he was looking for the restaurant and walking up.

    True that the amount of texting may not correlate to a guyís interest level but itís almost feeling like heís avoiding me. For example, as I had explained, our companies sort of intertwine and he is in our buildings about once a week. He was interested in seeing me last week and actually took me to lunch. I asked his this week, knowing heíd be around, if he wanted to grab lunch again and he said he was not going to be in the day I was inquiring about but would let me know as the week progresses. Well here we are, itís Thursday and me being copied in a string of emails where he is fully aware Iím receiving, heís emailing to us that he is going to be in tomorrow. Him knowing heíll be in tomorrow and the fact he hasnít reached out to me, even just to say he can come by to say hello, seems almost like heís avoiding me at this point.

    And we only have every other weekend to see each other and maybe one day during the week. So he has plenty of alone time. This is the first Friday he hasnít asked me to do anything. Now Iím not even sure if he will pull through on Saturday.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    814
    Gender
    Female
    I personally donít like when someone texts too much. It gets boring too quickly. For example this guy I was just messaging on an online dating site wanted to text... so I gave him my number, and he kept texting for a couple hours this morning... finally I said, listen, ďIím really busy at workĒ (I said it in a nice way.) Like, I got stuff to do and you donít even know me. In other words OP, calm down. Leave a little mystery. Let him have his own life and donít bother him, like this guy was doing to me earlier, lol. :-). Go do something. Remember, you didnít even know him a month and a half ago.

Page 1 of 47 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •