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Thread: Should I break up with him if it doesn't seem like we're on the same page?

  1. #1
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    Should I break up with him if it doesn't seem like we're on the same page?

    Thanks for your advice on my initial post ([Register to see the link] )

    I talked to "Drew" last night, and even though I thought we were on the same page when it came to "what are we," it doesn't seem like that's the case.

    I originally asked about his trip and he kept referring to his female friend as "him" -- I asked about this because I said I thought he was visiting "Alison" because he had told me, and he mentioned a random male name that I didn't see associated with anyone in the pictures he took.

    I expressed my concerns to him about his trip and said that I know I should have asked what his relationship was with "Alison" and what the sleeping arrangements were before he left to calm my anxiety.

    He quickly said he didn't sleep with anyone on the trip and changed the subject.

    This really didn't sit right with me, so I asked what he expected out of the relationship.

    He said it was moving pretty fast for him and he didn't want the "boyfriend" label yet and wasn't sure about exclusivity, citing baggage from his last relationship.

    I said this was news to me, since he seemed fine with the exclusive label when we had a discussion about it a month ago. I also asked him what he wanted out of us.

    He said he wants to keep hanging out because he likes me but doesn't want to rush into anything.

    None of this conversation made me feel better, and I said if we're not on the same page, we should probably end things now rather than drag them out longer and breaking up later when it will hurt worse.

    He said he still wanted to talk to me, and I said we could shelve this conversation for the time being until we see each other in person again.

    Should I just rip the Band-Aid off now?

  2. #2
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    Yes, I would walk away.

    You are more invested than he is, and he doesn't really appear interested in taking it further.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Yes, end it unless you want a fwb and a lot of heartaches.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedHere1
    He said it was moving pretty fast for him and he didn't want the "boyfriend" label yet and wasn't sure about exclusivity

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Never enter or stay in a relationship when a person has baggage. He needs to be alone to get rid of it to be a good partner to anyone. Basically, if he's not exclusive, he's free to sleep with anyone, so I'm sure you're not okay with that. Yes, hold out for the guy who's thrilled to be with you alone--someone who's emotionally ready to go at a normal pace.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Oh yes, and cheers to you for recognizing his non-committal ways early! It stinks and it'll probably hurt to cut it off, but it will hurt way more in the long-run if you stay in an ambiguous relationship with a guy who's not ready to stop playing the field when you want more.

  7. #6
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    Are you insinuating he might be gay as well, since he was with a male friend? In any event, whatever happened, he probably doesn't want to talk about the trip, and you keep asking, so he's pulling away from you and he's not in a good mood. Why don't you just hang out with him and talk about something else. This is not the time to be jealous. Just drop it and see how he acts in the next few weeks.

  8. #7
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    Oh darn it, I had such high hopes for this one! It sounds like he just wants to take it easy, and is maybe using his last relationship as an excuse to take things slow. Just donít get in touch with him again and wait for him to contact you. L

  9. #8
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    I would not be down with someone being exclusive with me, going on a mysterious trip with another woman where something may or may not have happened, and then coming back and saying he's not ready for exclusivity. To me it sounds like he fooled around and now is conveniently removing the label so it wasn't cheating. That's just how it comes across to me... so yeah, no thanks.

  10. #9
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    Walk away, be available for a man who suits your needs.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    He didn't just not satisfy your concerns, he's also turned a bit hostile toward where you want to go. I'd thank him for his honesty, but I'd skip him. Too many good people in the world with potential to stick with a resistant one to try forcing a fit.

    I'd tell him that I adore him and if he's ever up for a real relationship in the future he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

    That's your percentage play for keeping your best options open--along with your self respect.

    Head high.


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