Should I walk away?

Hi all,

A little about me: I've posted here before, but I'm 28 going on 29 soon, I have a full-time job, college educated, I live on my own in an apartment, I'm just in general in independent man.

I've been with the same woman now for almost 6 months. Before I met her, I was in a horrible relationship for a year and a half where my ex cheated on me.

I thought when I met this woman I've been with, that she was the one. She told me she was looking for a long term relationship, which I told her the same. The first four months of our relationship was awesome: we did so much together, she always told me how awesome of a man in her life I was, she called me every day to say hello to me, and her family loved me to death, and they still do. I felt so secure in my relationship with her.

Fast forward four months into our relationship, she went off to graduate school at a college close by, and I promised her I would stick with her. I would see her usually once a week, which is what we agreed to, so therefore we did. We would go out and do fun stuff like go to arcades, go out with her friends, the typical stuff a couple would do together.

About a month ago, she Facetimed me like she always did. Our conversation at first was typical, and I never suspected anything was wrong. Then out of the blue, she tells me she wants to "take a break" so I can "focus on myself". I have anxiety, so she wanted me to go out and seek counseling help, which I have been. I also promised her that I would be patient through this. I just did not want to give up. She also told me she did this "because she cared about me" so she wanted me to "focus on myself". She also said that "around November" we could get back together and that this is "only temporary". So I waited the whole thing out. I asked her what the terms of this "break" were, she said that we "shouldn't see each other" but that we would still talk, which we did. We still would text each other and such.

Fast forward to yesterday, she called me wanting to talk about things. I told her that I need some reassurance that things would work out between us. She stayed silent, and said things like "well, we are so different from each other", and that there is "someone better for me out there", she also said that she "doesn't know where she'll be after she graduates", and mind you she never hinted at the idea of moving anywhere, she was born and raised in the same area all of her life. She was basically hinting at the idea of breaking up with me. She also said that I was the "nicest guy she ever met", which I've heard that line so many times. I did do all I could to treat her like a man should treat a woman. Of course I'm distraught and almost crying because I was devastated, and I still am. First she tells me she wants to take a break, then at the time she told me that she wanted the break to end, she hints at the idea of just not wanting to be with me anymore. She also mentioned that we can meet up tomorrow night to talk about things, but I don't know if I want to go. I'm afraid that all she's going to do is break up with me.

I'm seriously considering just walking away from this whole thing, because at this point she's playing serious head games with me, and I've about had it with her.

I need to ask, should I walk away from this situation, or wait it out? I need help from anyone. I'm the kind of person who just will not give up until I know there is literally nothing left to lose. I don't know if I should still have hope that things will get better between me and her, but a big part of me just wants to walk away because I can't take this pain I've been going through anymore.

Thank you all.

She's toying with you and playing around. She doesn't care now and wants to keep u on the back burner.

Definitely distance and block.

About a month ago, she Facetimed me like she always did. Our conversation at first was typical, and I never suspected anything was wrong. Then out of the blue, she tells me she wants to "take a break" so I can "focus on myself". I have anxiety, so she wanted me to go out and seek counseling help, which I have been. I also promised her that I would be patient through this. I just did not want to give up. She also told me she did this "because she cared about me" so she wanted me to "focus on myself". She also said that "around November" we could get back together and that this is "only temporary". So I waited the whole thing out. I asked her what the terms of this "break" were, she said that we "shouldn't see each other" but that we would still talk, which we did. We still would text each other and such.

 

　

 

Fast forward to yesterday, she called me wanting to talk about things. I told her that I need some reassurance that things would work out between us. She stayed silent, and said things like "well, we are so different from each other", and that there is "someone better for me out there", she also said that she "doesn't know where she'll be after she graduates",

To be honest.... it sounds like she's been trying to break up with you but didn't have the courage to say it that directly. So yes, I think you should walk away. I'm sorry. I think you should take some time to heal and then get back out in the dating pool.

I'm afraid she found another guy at school. That's usually when you get the "you're a great guy" speech, and "it's me and not you" speech. Sorry. You should go No Contact, grieve, and start to move on.

It's over. Sorry.

And don't give her the benefit of keeping in contact and being her friend. She is not.

In the future, do not let anyone dictate the relationship, as you allowed her to do. Remember, you have a voice.

Lastly, you two should have been NC, when she needed her 'break.'

I agree that it looks like she met someone else. Walk now and keep your dignity. I know from experience that this is what you need in the long-term. It sucks bad now, but you'll thank yourself later.

I'm sorry, OP, but your suspicion is correct: she is ending the relationship.

It sounds like she doesn't have the courage to come out and say it, so she's been working up the nerve and delivering the cliche lines, but it's coming.

Unfortunately it sounds like she may have made the decision for you, by the sounds of it she does care about your feelings so doesn't want to hurt you by just breaking up with you straight up. As hard as it may be, i would walk away if i were in your shoes. Easier said than done though so i get it. Sorry dude!

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like she's using the "it's me not you" excuse. Do you think she met someone local at the uni? What did she mean by "you need to work on yourself"?

The first four months of our relationship was awesome, she went off to graduate school at a college close by. Then out of the blue, she tells me she wants to "take a break" so I can "focus on myself". She stayed silent, and said things like "well, we are so different from each other", and that there is "someone better for me out there".

How does your anxiety play out with her and others? It will be a good thing to explore if that's the issue that played a part in her not wanting to move forward with you. Do you have a fulfilling life besides having a partner, like time with guy friends/hobbies/interests? If not, a woman being the sole center of your universe can be smothering. Just some possibilities to consider so that you'll have better luck in the future if you do need to work on yourself before dating again. The fact she said someone else might be better for you spells out she's totally done, so it's best to cut all contact. A woman who sees a future with you would feel sick to her stomach to think of you with another woman.

I'm afraid she found another guy at school. That's usually when you get the "you're a great guy" speech, and "it's me and not you" speech. Sorry. You should go No Contact, grieve, and start to move on.

Sounds like that to me also. She was so wrong and thoughtless to string you on. Very sh**ty thing to do. You definitely deserve to find someone who will truly love you and appreciate all your good qualities. Let her go. I would definitely not bother going. You've suffered enough.

I am so sorry you had to go through this.

This is very selfish on her part espicially knowing you suffer from anxiety. She would have known how anxious and worried you would have been the entire "break".

I know it is easier said than done but walking away is the best option. It was so unfair how she treated you.

She has given you more than enough for closure. You sound like a better person than she is.

Her attempt to still want to meet is for her benifit and not yours. So don't cave into it.

Walk away with your head held high.

I haven’t messaged here in a few days. My fear was confirmed: She broke up with me by text.

I feel like a complete idiot falling in her trap, I should have walked away the moment she wanted a break, I just thought it would be worth the wait and things would work out. She reassured me it was “temporary”, but in the end I got hurt, again. Her exact words were “you did nothing wrong, I think you’re a great guy, you’ll find someone who appreciates you”. Since then, I’m just broken and depressed. I immediately blocked her Facebook and I’m going no contact. I can’t be angry at this right now, because the anger just eats away at my well being. I’m really depressed after this, it’s so hard to move on.

I’m gonna need help from anyone at this point.

I'm completely depressed and distraught at this point.

First off, she told me she was not cheating on me or seeing anyone else. All she told me was that she "we were not compatible", she also told me that she is not going to block my number and that "I can contact her if I want". She also told me that we're "two different people". I just can't believe this, this all hit me by surprise. I blocked her from Facebook, and I haven't contacted her since. I'm trying to go NC, but it's so hard. Sometimes I do get tempted to text her but I've been doing good at not doing that. It's just so hard to move on, part of my mind thinks that she's the only woman out there, and I know there's "fish in the sea", but I just feel so lost right now. I am an accomplished man; I have a full time job, I have a college degree, I'm independent, but without a woman by my side, I feel like I have no one with me. I have family and friends, but I need that romantic connection. When I was with her, even when we were apart physically, all the text messages, phone calls, and every other form of communication was reassuring to me that she was still with me even when we were apart. I just miss that. I was really hoping that things would work out, that's why I waited, but in the end this happens. I have no regrets of what I did by waiting, I loved her and did not give up on her. It just still hurts. People keep telling me I "need to focus on myself", but I was single for two years before I met her, that was plenty of time to focus on myself. A lot of my friends are telling me "go play the field", ya know, "go talk to other women", but I just don't know, I need a stable relationship.

Unfortunately sometimes for what ever reason it just does not work.

When we are "in love" we lose sight of everything in that haze. Unfortunately she just did not feel the same.

Yes the way she handled it was not fair on you and delayed your healing process.

That said it was kinder she let you go now that later down the line when your feelings for her became stronger.

I know hearing the "get out there" is not what you want to hear. Which is why some time away from dating would be good.

I know you was single two years before but you still need time to get over this heartache too.

We all seek that comfort in a loved on. I know it may not seem it now but you will find that again. You'll find it with someone who has wants to be with you.

NC is for the best. Taking yourself away from her will help you compose you thoughts.

It was what got me through a break up via text of a long term relationship. I was devastated. I ended up depressed. The only thing that got me through it was detaching myself from him completely!

Good luck and try and keep busy with seeing friends and stuff.

About a month ago, she Facetimed me like she always did. Our conversation at first was typical, and I never suspected anything was wrong. Then out of the blue, she tells me she wants to "take a break" so I can "focus on myself". I have anxiety, so she wanted me to go out and seek counseling help, which I have been. I also promised her that I would be patient through this. I just did not want to give up. She also told me she did this "because she cared about me" so she wanted me to "focus on myself". She also said that "around November" we could get back together and that this is "only temporary".

So she moved away, and she met someone local she is interested in, and decided to explore that. Taking a break means she feels less guilty, because she is not actually cheating on you. On the other hand, she could hardly tell the whole truth about this, because she wants you as an option B (c?/d?) in case the new thing doesn't work.

Fast forward to yesterday, she called me wanting to talk about things. I told her that I need some reassurance that things would work out between us. She stayed silent, and said things like "well, we are so different from each other", and that there is "someone better for me out there",

Which translates to "we are no longer an item", dressed up in a lot of double speak.

she also said that she "doesn't know where she'll be after she graduates", and mind you she never hinted at the idea of moving anywhere, she was born and raised in the same area all of her life. She was basically hinting at the idea of breaking up with me.

She wasn't hinting, she was doing it. She is probably with some guy you don't know about, seeing how it pans out.

She also said that I was the "nicest guy she ever met",

"its not you its me"... yada yada yada.

She also mentioned that we can meet up tomorrow night to talk about things, but I don't know if I want to go. I'm afraid that all she's going to do is break up with me.

Don't - she is doing it for herself, not for you. To make herself feel better, and try to string you along.

I'm seriously considering just walking away from this whole thing,

Good idea.

So she moved away, and she met someone local she is interested in, and decided to explore that. Taking a break means she feels less guilty, because she is not actually cheating on you. On the other hand, she could hardly tell the whole truth about this, because she wants you as an option B (c?/d?) in case the new thing doesn't work.

 

　

 

 

 

Which translates to "we are no longer an item", dressed up in a lot of double speak.

 

 

 

 

She wasn't hinting, she was doing it. She is probably with some guy you don't know about, seeing how it pans out.

 

 

 

 

"its not you its me"... yada yada yada.

 

 

 

　

Don't - she is doing it for herself, not for you. To make herself feel better, and try to string you along.

 

 

 

Good idea.

Too late to walk away, she already did that. That's why I feel so stupid that I allowed her to do this to me, I should have walked away when she told me she wanted a break. I just was just secure in the idea that she will come around after the break was to "expire", if you will. I have no regrets the way I did it, but I think next time I'll be a lot smarter. She told me she was not seeing any other guys, which I don't think she was. She is 23, and her longest relationship was six months, so it's a pattern. I can almost guarantee her next relationship won't work out, I feel better knowing that. She kept telling me "she has never met anyone nicer or more caring than me", which I've heard that before. That's exactly what my last ex told me when she left me.

Too late to walk away, she already did that.

Well that makes it easy.

Don't contact her gain, forever.

My biggest challenge in this was the fact that I had really strong feelings for her, I didn't want a short-term fling. I wanted something more than what she wanted, and I wish I would have caught that earlier in the game. I think what's making me hurt the most is that I tried too hard, I never gave up on her. I never gave up on my last relationship either, until I knew there really was nothing to give up on. I have always been looking for a strong, solid relationship, because I need a female partner to support me romantically, emotionally, and physically. I don't do "FWB", or "one night stand" BS, I was never into that even in my early 20s. People have always told me "dude! you are a good looking man, you can literally get any woman you want". I don't want to flatter myself, but I'm 6 feet even, I'm 160 pounds, I have a very deep baritone voice (I've been invited to be an announcer), and I'm just in general a well-accomplished man. Sometimes I wonder about my self worth too, that's why getting rejected hurts sometimes. Questions pop into my head, "does she think I'm creepy? Am I not good looking?" ya know, so many questions get into my head, especially in a situation like this. A big part of me wants to go into the city and just approach women on the streets, but I'm always afraid that I'll come off as creepy if I do that, which would be a significant blow to my confidence and self esteem. There was one time a couple years ago, I was at a bar with my buddy, and he kept tempting me to go talk to two women sitting at one of the tables. I reluctantly did, then the next day my friend told me that he saw those same two women, and they mentioned that "I came off as creepy". Since then I have never approached any women at bars at all, I just can't. I need to get over that soon, I can't keep living this way.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and she was wrong to string you along but there's something on your posts that leaps out to me.

You refer to "needing" a woman/partner more than once. This, could lead to you being, unintentionally, perhaps a bit needy during a relationship. I don't doubt that you are the well rounded and accomplished man you say you are but there seems to be a lot of you stressing you need a piece to complete your life puzzle.

It's not a dig at you. I've been there myself. I could be completely wrong but I'd suggest not dating for a while and work on yourself and your own happiness before looking for the next partner. Of course block this woman and never speak to her again.

Edit - i dont mena this girl specifically, it sounds like she moved away, the distance caused a slight drift and she found someone close that she liked. You say you get told you "are a really nice guy" a lot and also that you are creepy once.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss and she was wrong to string you along but there's something on your posts that leaps out to me.

 

You refer to "needing" a woman/partner more than once. This, could lead to you being, unintentionally, perhaps a bit needy during a relationship. I don't doubt that you are the well rounded and accomplished man you say you are but there seems to be a lot of you stressing you need a piece to complete your life puzzle.

 

It's not a dig at you. I've been there myself. I could be completely wrong but I'd suggest not dating for a while and work on yourself and your own happiness before looking for the next partner. Of course block this woman and never speak to her again.

 

 

Edit - i dont mena this girl specifically, it sounds like she moved away, the distance caused a slight drift and she found someone close that she liked. You say you get told you "are a really nice guy" a lot and also that you are creepy once.

I hate to get defensive, but let me say one thing: I am not needy by any means. I was not at all a cling to her. I always told her, "you do your thing", any time she wanted to see friends, I never was against that at all. I always gave her as much space as I could. I think what it comes down to is she's young and not ready to settle down.

Why are you still proceeding with this?

You know what to do, so implement.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, OP.

She is still very young, to be fair. It's not unusual for people at her age to have had mostly shorter-term relationships; they're often not so eager to commit and settle down yet. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything inherently wrong or flawed about her, but it does mean she couldn't give you the commitment you'd hoped for.

I know you're feeling quite lost at the moment, but now would be a good time to take a step back from dating for little while. Heal, and regain your confidence. Approaching women in bars isn't necessarily the best way to find a partner, but it could help in building up your skills in chatting with women and just being yourself. Don't push yourself into it if you're truly uncomfortable though. That discomfort will be obvious to the women you're interacting with and could make for an awkward experience for all.

I hate to get defensive, but let me say one thing: I am not needy by any means. I was not at all a cling to her. I always told her, "you do your thing", any time she wanted to see friends, I never was against that at all. I always gave her as much space as I could. I think what it comes down to is she's young and not ready to settle down.

Ok, i'm with you, just my 2 pennies. Sometimes we can runaway with oursleves is all i was trying to say. Hope you feel better soon :)