A little spat then no contact after 5 days

Hello friends,

I need some helpful advice please. My boyfriend and I had a little spat last Friday night.

It has been 5 days now, and he has not tried to call me or text.

I have left him alone, hoping that he just needs a little time. I don't know.

Should I give him more time? If so how long before contacting him to see where we

are? Maybe he has left me for good (we have come very close to ending our relationship several

times), but if he has, I would like to know so I can move on.

I guess what I am asking is, how much more time before I reach out and if so, what do I say?

I don't like playing head games...

What was the argument about? Is it a recurrent issue? Let him cool off.

Maybe he has left me for good we have come very close to ending our relationship several

times, but if he has, I would like to know so I can move on.

You should give him time to cool off but 5 days seems a little extreme depending on what the fight was about. Sometimes something you may think is small is not small to him. My suggestion would be to ask him "Can we talk about this or is it over?" Then you will have your answer without having wait or beat around the bush to get it.

I'd text him and ask if you can talk or is it over, just like CommonPenny said. I think 5 days is plenty long enough to calm down if it was a small spat, like you said.

Anyone who ignores you for 5 days after an argument is not someone you will likely be able to have a positive and successful relationship with. They face that you have already ended it several times as well, I would put this out of its misery.

When you argue, how does it typically go?

Is this your normal? Maybe it was a big deal to him..

I would want to know, so I would text. If you get no answer, .. you have the answer.

I hate to say this, and hope I am wrong but I would guess at this point, since this seems to be a recurring theme in your RL, he is fed up and just wants out.

Sure you can call to get confirmation of that if it would make you feel better, I wouldn't.

Anyone who ignores you for 5 days after an argument is not someone you will likely be able to have a positive and successful relationship with. They face that you have already ended it several times as well, I would put this out of its misery.

^This. 5 days of silent treatment, regardless of what the fight was about, big or small, is not acceptable and not conducive to a healthy relationship. Completely agree that I'd just call it a day on this relationship and wouldn't even bother contacting him anymore. Sometimes actions speak louder.

There is a huge difference between needing a few hours to cool off and completely disappearing for a week. OP, you should never ever accept or tolerate this kind of unhealthy behavior and most definitely never respond to that by chasing after the person. All you are doing is reinforcing their sick treatment of you while they get off on a power trip. Since you've come close to breaking up several times already, let this be the last straw and walk away.

Hello friends,

I need some helpful advice please. My boyfriend and I had a little spat last Friday night.

It has been 5 days now, and he has not tried to call me or text.

Anyone who ignores you for 5 days after an argument is not someone you will likely be able to have a positive and successful relationship with.

Before anyone goes accusing the guy of ignoring you or "disappearing," have you tried to call or text him?

If not, you've been ignoring him too, and disappeared.

That said, as I said, I think this is probably done, but to put this all on him for ignoring you and disappearing, is unfair and wrong imo.

Sounds like more than a "little spat." How about apologizing to him?

If you have almost broken up several times, what are the almost breakups about?

I agree that maybe calling him might be in order. Someone has to make the first move. Unless he said something to the effect that he was done with the relationship, etc.

I guess what I am asking is, how much more time before I reach out and if so, what do I say?

Before anyone goes accusing the guy of ignoring you or "disappearing," have you tried to call or text him?

 

If not, you've been ignoring him too, and disappeared.

 

That said, as I said, I think this is probably done, but to put this all on him for ignoring you and disappearing, is unfair and wrong imo.

I'd like to know the answer to this too.

What was the nature of the spat?

Who walked out? What was said?

Regardless of who walked out, have you tried to contact him?

DanZee.......I did apologize to him, the same night.

Our "spat" to me shouldn't even be called that. It had to do with a problem of

intimacy (sexual nature). I felt slighted and my feelings were hurt. When I told him

how I felt, in a very respectful way, he accused me of complaining and that opened Pandora' s box.

I suggested a better way to do things that would satisfy both his needs and mine and he replied,

"Oh so now we need to coreograph how we do things??

I thought that was very sarcastic and didn't even reply to his comment.

He left and I haven't heard a word.

I think saying nothing is the approach I want to take, but I would like him to call or text so I have some kind of closure.

I believe he thinks if he doesn't reach out to me in one month, I will figure it out. LOL

oh ouch.

That didn't go well, did it?

Are you ok with this relationship ending?

And if you could relive that moment would you have said it differently and would he still react the same way?

I agree with the others. Reach out to him and see how he reacts. If he's still shut down, ask him if it's over.

Without knowing all the intricate details of your sexual encounter, it sounds like he took your "suggestion" as a "criticism" and felt rejected or inadequate that he was unable to satisfy you.

That inadequacy may have caused him to feel ashamed or embarrassed and he responded to those emotions by lashing out in a sarcastic way and abruptly leaving.

Of course I am speculating, it's impossible to know for sure without getting into his head, but this is what it sounds like to me.

Yeah, I echo what reinvent suggested, reach out and gauge his response, if he's still shut down, just flat out ask him if it's over.

Why are you opposed to providing concrete details on an anonymous forum?

DanZee.......I did apologize to him, the same night.

Our "spat" to me shouldn't even be called that. It had to do with a problem of

intimacy (sexual nature). I felt slighted and my feelings were hurt. When I told him

how I felt, in a very respectful way, he accused me of complaining and that opened Pandora' s box.

I suggested a better way to do things that would satisfy both his needs and mine and he replied,

"Oh so now we need to coreograph how we do things??

I thought that was very sarcastic and didn't even reply to his comment.

He left and I haven't heard a word.

I think saying nothing is the approach I want to take, but I would like him to call or text so I have some kind of closure.

I believe he thinks if he doesn't reach out to me in one month, I will figure it out. LOL

Well --the worst thing to do during sex is to critique someone. The better thing to do is to initiate and take the lead in doing things you like to do - to direct someone's hands. But every time does not have to be 50-50 equal. You have to go with the flow a little.

I think in this case, its up to you to reach out since you were the one who was critical of him.

I did not criticize his performance. In fact, he's a great lover and I tell him so everytime. He compliments me as well. My issue

is, there are times when it is all about him. To be more specific, I am expecting an evening of making love to each other and love

the passion and intimacy that goes with it, but at times, he only wants me to pleasure himself and doesn't even touch me, not a kiss

or cuddle.....and we are together for hours. I have NEVER criticized his performance and he has never criticized me.

I have discussed this with him before and suggested ways in which both of us are satisfied. In fact, when he tells me what he needs from

me, I don't get mad at him, but instead, I tell him I will do what makes him happy. I would not ever expect him to pleasure only me, and then

I roll over and go to sleep, like he does with me. I would think he would feel slighted and undesireable. I truly enjoy our intimate times together.

It is great! But I like our sessions to be where we are both happy and satisfied.

Is that too much too ask?

No, it isn't too much to ask. I think the sad thing is he'll probably be more conscious of what he's doing with the next girl.

Dundermiflin......so you think it is okay for a man or woman to make a love making session all about him or her?

I think that's rather selfish behavior. How can that possibly be okay?

One more thing.......I think caring is sharing. When it comes to oral sex, I expect my boyfriend to return the favor. Receiving but not being

willing to pleasure me is an act of selfishness. I think everyone has a right to decide their own boundaries when it comes to sex and intimacy,

but it's not fair to expect something you're not willing to give in return. And I have discussed this with him several times, but he doesn't seem to

appreciate my needs.

Is this the same creep that was cheating on you? I thought you weren't going to take him back!

If you have almost broken up several times, what are the almost breakups about?

 

I agree that maybe calling him might be in order. Someone has to make the first move. Unless he said something to the effect that he was done with the relationship, etc.

His cheating.