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Thread: Please Help Me; Short Relationship Ended

  1. #1
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    Please Help Me; Short Relationship Ended

    Hi guys. I had a relationship with my best friend in 2017 that lasted seven months until he cheated on me with a teenager. I tried getting out in the dating game in August, and met a handsome, charismatic man that I was instantly attracted to. I was so surprised because I didn't expect to be attracted to someone again. The first four weeks were wonderful. We got along, he introduced me to his parents at his mom's 50th birthday party, we went out with his friends, he said he was developing feelings like he hadn't in several years within Week 1, that he loved me multiple times starting Week 2, and we got physical (no sex though bcuz I'm religious/none before marriage).

    He started ignoring me though during the 5th week and I confronted him on the phone and he said that his Muslim friends told him that an interfaith marriage that might happen between us in the future(LOL super early?) was doomed because of how our parents would react, and that he wanted to end it before it came too long. I tried talking to him and eventually we got back together. Same problem a few days later. The entire week he ignored my calls and texts, occasionally answering but nowhere near the way he used to before (he used to call and text every day).

    I confronted him via text and he texted that he'd been sexually irritated/frustrated lately and that's why he wasn't talking to me. He had never mentioned this before, and he knew I was set on no sex before marriage prior to dating. I insisted on having a phone call, then he brought up the interfaith marriage thing again, and said that he didn't want to deal with cultural differences in belief. "Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"? "I'm very attracted to you; that's why this is difficult"
    I asked how long he could wait for sex, just to get an idea and see if I could compromise, and he said a week.
    I sent a bunch of angry texts to him about how I felt disrespected by the ignoring phase/and the fact that he listened to his friends without listening to me; Moreover how was I supposed to have sex and sacrifice my values for someone who couldn't communicate with me about what was bothering him?; he ignored most of them except a few that were very urgent like "im done, im leaving"-he would reply to those. i was the one who last texted, summing up all my thoughts on the issue. That was on the 21st. I'm doing No Contact because I realized I was coming across as a very desperate, pathetic person, and today is Day 9. I'm telling myself if I can get to Day 30 everything will be okay.
    Suffice to say, given that I have anxiety disorder this triggered a relapse and I'm not doing well; I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair (i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin), or that he didn't like my personality (although that would really confuse me). I have a medical school interview on Thursday and I really can't mess it up so if any of you have any advice please let me know.

  2. #2
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    Unfortunately, you guys are not compatible. He wants sex before marriage, within 2 months; you want to wait. He thought about marriage (too much, too soon!), probably specifically because he wants the sex, and determined that you guys aren't compatible with the issues your different religions may bring to the table. You don't like his communication style when he "deals" with conflict.

    Incompatible, honestly. I have known men who were willing to wait up to a year or more for sex, and a few that actually waited until marriage years after a relationship to have sex with their women. They aren't that common where I'm from, to be honest, but I do think that a good portion of men can wait more than 5 weeks without pressuring their woman.

    Try to look after yourself by making sure that you eat and get some rest, if possible. Get through Thursday. This didn't have anything to do with your body, your hair, or your personality. You guys just weren't looking for the same thing.

  3. #3
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    He acted like it was so easy to dismiss our relationship, like it meant nothing to him. That's what bothers me. It feels like he didn't care. Also his communication style was to not communicate so like?

  4. #4
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    Also I could have compromised and said I could do it later like in a year or something but I was so upset by the ghosting that I didn't get how he could expect me to have sex with him and sacrifice that, when he can't even communicate with me respectfully and show that he cares about my feelings.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    "Week 1, that he loved me multiple times" This spells doom. How can he love a stranger. The faster they fall, the faster they disappear. I would have bolted if someone said this to me so early.

    "I asked how long he could wait for sex, just to get an idea and see if I could compromise, and he said a week." This is not love. He wanted sex.

    The relationship was not important to him . This was five weeks of your life, you need to move on.

  7. #6
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    We spent a lot of time together so I thought I meant something to him.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by melody147
    We spent a lot of time together so I thought I meant something to him.
    I will go back to the bit about a stranger stating he loved you in a week. it is is a bunch of sh*t.

  9. #8
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    I was naive

  10. #9
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    Focus on the interview. This is what is important,

    I hope that you have blocked and deleted the creep.

  11. #10
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    I know and it's for UCSD so I really need to perform well <.>

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