Please Help Me; Short Relationship Ended

Hi guys. I had a relationship with my best friend in 2017 that lasted seven months until he cheated on me with a teenager. I tried getting out in the dating game in August, and met a handsome, charismatic man that I was instantly attracted to. I was so surprised because I didn't expect to be attracted to someone again. The first four weeks were wonderful. We got along, he introduced me to his parents at his mom's 50th birthday party, we went out with his friends, he said he was developing feelings like he hadn't in several years within Week 1, that he loved me multiple times starting Week 2, and we got physical (no sex though bcuz I'm religious/none before marriage).

He started ignoring me though during the 5th week and I confronted him on the phone and he said that his Muslim friends told him that an interfaith marriage that might happen between us in the future(LOL super early?) was doomed because of how our parents would react, and that he wanted to end it before it came too long. I tried talking to him and eventually we got back together. Same problem a few days later. The entire week he ignored my calls and texts, occasionally answering but nowhere near the way he used to before (he used to call and text every day).

I confronted him via text and he texted that he'd been sexually irritated/frustrated lately and that's why he wasn't talking to me. He had never mentioned this before, and he knew I was set on no sex before marriage prior to dating. I insisted on having a phone call, then he brought up the interfaith marriage thing again, and said that he didn't want to deal with cultural differences in belief. "Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"? "I'm very attracted to you; that's why this is difficult"

I asked how long he could wait for sex, just to get an idea and see if I could compromise, and he said a week.

I sent a bunch of angry texts to him about how I felt disrespected by the ignoring phase/and the fact that he listened to his friends without listening to me; Moreover how was I supposed to have sex and sacrifice my values for someone who couldn't communicate with me about what was bothering him?; he ignored most of them except a few that were very urgent like "im done, im leaving"-he would reply to those. i was the one who last texted, summing up all my thoughts on the issue. That was on the 21st. I'm doing No Contact because I realized I was coming across as a very desperate, pathetic person, and today is Day 9. I'm telling myself if I can get to Day 30 everything will be okay.

Suffice to say, given that I have anxiety disorder this triggered a relapse and I'm not doing well; I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair (i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin), or that he didn't like my personality (although that would really confuse me). I have a medical school interview on Thursday and I really can't mess it up so if any of you have any advice please let me know.

Unfortunately, you guys are not compatible. He wants sex before marriage, within 2 months; you want to wait. He thought about marriage (too much, too soon!), probably specifically because he wants the sex, and determined that you guys aren't compatible with the issues your different religions may bring to the table. You don't like his communication style when he "deals" with conflict.

Incompatible, honestly. I have known men who were willing to wait up to a year or more for sex, and a few that actually waited until marriage years after a relationship to have sex with their women. They aren't that common where I'm from, to be honest, but I do think that a good portion of men can wait more than 5 weeks without pressuring their woman.

Try to look after yourself by making sure that you eat and get some rest, if possible. Get through Thursday. This didn't have anything to do with your body, your hair, or your personality. You guys just weren't looking for the same thing.

He acted like it was so easy to dismiss our relationship, like it meant nothing to him. That's what bothers me. It feels like he didn't care. Also his communication style was to not communicate so like?

Also I could have compromised and said I could do it later like in a year or something but I was so upset by the ghosting that I didn't get how he could expect me to have sex with him and sacrifice that, when he can't even communicate with me respectfully and show that he cares about my feelings.

"Week 1, that he loved me multiple times" This spells doom. How can he love a stranger. The faster they fall, the faster they disappear. I would have bolted if someone said this to me so early.

"I asked how long he could wait for sex, just to get an idea and see if I could compromise, and he said a week." This is not love. He wanted sex.

The relationship was not important to him . This was five weeks of your life, you need to move on.

We spent a lot of time together so I thought I meant something to him.

We spent a lot of time together so I thought I meant something to him.

I will go back to the bit about a stranger stating he loved you in a week. it is is a bunch of sh*t.

I was naive

Focus on the interview. This is what is important,

I hope that you have blocked and deleted the creep.

I know and it's for UCSD so I really need to perform well <.>

Good luck! Focus on your future.

I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair (i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin), or that he didn't like my personality (although that would really confuse me).

I don't know how you arrived at these worries. It's pretty clear he wanted to have sex with you, so apparently it has nothing to do with the way you look or your personality.

I would tell you that if you're in the UK, the culture there seems pretty sex-crazy. In the EU, it varies by country, but there are always a large number of horny guys around. In the US, it's half and half.

This is really all about sex. You said no, and that's all he was interested in. Everything he did and said to you was foreplay trying to get you to have sex with him.

Look, you have your standards and your religion says you should be a virgin until marriage. He didn't respect this. He didn't respect your culture and he didn't respect you. He was the desperate, pathetic person, not you.

You should be proud of yourself and your culture. Forget this guy. Go total No Contact. Delete him, erase him, block him. He is not worth your time nor your energy. You want someone who loves you for you and not to just have sex with. Move on with your life and good luck with your interview.

I guess I didn't believe that he would treat me this badly (ignore me, discard the relationship easily) just because of sex; I thought it must be due to something else I did or was. I live in California. It seems like everyone wants to have sex before marriage. IDK, I might've compromised and been more flexible, but I don't think he's the one to compromise for.

I was naive

Yes, I would agree with this.

Nobody loves you after a week or two of dating. He barley even knows you. Unfortunately, you took the serious red flags as signs of love when they weren't that at all. Run next time some dude comes at you with behaviour like this. It's almost never a good sign.

And you're right that it's easy for him to just dismiss everything. You only dated a few weeks, which is very little in the grand scheme of things. He wasn't invested, and in the future, you would be wise to pace yourself so you don't invest so much so early on either.

Why not stay true to yourself and your faith and only date those within your faith who share your values. Stop running around looking for quick fixes from players who tell you whatever they think you want to hear to get in your pants.

no sex though bcuz I'm religious/none before marriage. I confronted him on the phone and he said that his Muslim friends told him that an interfaith marriage was doomed. I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin, or that he didn't like my personality.

"Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"?

So this guy wants to SHAME and INSULT you into having sex?!? This guy is disgusting - and racist to boot. You know... there are plenty of “white” guys that want to wait for sex for religious reasons as well (usually Christianity) and/or because it means something to them. And really - you are smart and have values and are looking to be a doctor! Of course there will be a lot of guys that will want to be with you!!

This guy is an ignorant jerk. You should feel very fortunate that he weeded himself out.

I don’t think you should compromise your morals and beliefs for anyone. If you YOURSELF ever change your mind because you find yourself in the right situation - that’s one thing. But someone who cares about you and respects you won’t pressure you by degrading you.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, with dating, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one. This guy was a toad. Don’t give him even one more ounce of your emotional energy or headspace. He doesn’t deserve it.

Block and delete him. Never chase after jerks like this. Find some decent men at UCSD.

said that he didn't want to deal with cultural differences in belief. "Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"?

I guess I didn't believe that he would treat me this badly (ignore me, discard the relationship easily) just because of sex; I thought it must be due to something else I did or was. I live in California. It seems like everyone wants to have sex before marriage. IDK, I might've compromised and been more flexible, but I don't think he's the one to compromise for.

Men do this all the time to get sex. Some will wait much longer to get it, then dump the girl. You only knew this guy for 5 weeks. Don't put so much energy into this.

As I mentioned earlier, the "I love you" at a week was an obvious sign.

OP,

I agree with almost everything said by everyone else. You are unfortunately not compatible. You wanted a LTR; he wanted to have sex. You can't due to your religion; he is not prepared to wait. All true. It would not work between you at all, sad to say. :(

The one thing I don't agree with is the 'only 5 weeks'. Oh so easy to say when it's not you, not your life, not your heart 'bleeding love', to quote Leona Lewis, but a stranger's on the net. I get it though; I get how you can fall madly in love and start living a whole new life in mere 5 weeks only for it all to be snatched away in an instant - I get how devastating this is. I am very sorry that you are going through this. Your time will come. You will get through this. I wish you all the best.

'You only knew this guy for 5 weeks. Don't put so much energy into this.'

By end of week 5 of us being together, my husband and I were a part of each other's lives. He'd asked me to be his gf at week 3 or 4. I was madly in love. He was madly in love. He'd introduced me to his entire family abroad. We were a solid item, at 5 weeks together. 14+ years later, we still are - a solid item. So.. no, it's not 'just 5 weeks'. If someone had taken him away from me back then, after 5 weeks of knowing him.. I'd have been devastated beyond belief.

'You only knew this guy for 5 weeks. Don't put so much energy into this.'

 

By end of week 5 of us being together, my husband and I were a part of each other's lives. He'd asked me to be his gf at week 3 or 4. I was madly in love. He was madly in love. He'd introduced me to his entire family abroad. We were a solid item, at 5 weeks together. 14+ years later, we still are - a solid item. So.. no, it's not 'just 5 weeks'. If someone had taken him away from me back then, after 5 weeks of knowing him.. I'd have been devastated beyond belief.

That's wonderful. But, did he tell you he loved you multiple times within the first week?

Thanks all for the responses.

Sorry to ask another question. I've been analyzing this (probably too much; I have OCD unfortunately), and I realized that we got increasingly physical over the past few weeks-as in he's seen more and more of my body. What if he just lost his attraction for me and that's why he easily broke up with me?

Sorry to ask another question. I've been analyzing this (probably too much; I have OCD unfortunately), and I realized that we got increasingly physical over the past few weeks-as in he's seen more and more of my body. What if he just lost his attraction for me and that's why he easily broke up with me?

That's not it. He wanted sex, OP.

He knew he wasn't going to get it from you (and good for you to sticking to your guns), so he bounced.

You're right. This is your obsession with your looks. He didn't want to go further because of religious and cultural clashes as well as your values of no sex before marriage, which is fine. He's a player, plain and simple.

However if you are this self-conscious about your looks get to a salon to update your hairstyle/get advice and get some beauty treatments, make up advice, etc. Also get in shape with a good nutrition and activity/fitness program.

Join a gym or some sort of fitness classes. Go to a store and get some fashionable flattering clothes. Build your self confidence inside and out. Focus on your upcoming campus life and good luck with UCSD.

Sorry to ask another question. I've been analyzing this (probably too much; I have OCD unfortunately), and I realized that we got increasingly physical over the past few weeks-as in he's seen more and more of my body. What if he just lost his attraction for me and that's why he easily broke up with me?