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Thread: Please Help Me; Short Relationship Ended

  1. #11
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    Good luck! Focus on your future.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by melody147
    I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair (i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin), or that he didn't like my personality (although that would really confuse me).
    I don't know how you arrived at these worries. It's pretty clear he wanted to have sex with you, so apparently it has nothing to do with the way you look or your personality.

    I would tell you that if you're in the UK, the culture there seems pretty sex-crazy. In the EU, it varies by country, but there are always a large number of horny guys around. In the US, it's half and half.

    This is really all about sex. You said no, and that's all he was interested in. Everything he did and said to you was foreplay trying to get you to have sex with him.

    Look, you have your standards and your religion says you should be a virgin until marriage. He didn't respect this. He didn't respect your culture and he didn't respect you. He was the desperate, pathetic person, not you.

    You should be proud of yourself and your culture. Forget this guy. Go total No Contact. Delete him, erase him, block him. He is not worth your time nor your energy. You want someone who loves you for you and not to just have sex with. Move on with your life and good luck with your interview.

  3. #13
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    I guess I didn't believe that he would treat me this badly (ignore me, discard the relationship easily) just because of sex; I thought it must be due to something else I did or was. I live in California. It seems like everyone wants to have sex before marriage. IDK, I might've compromised and been more flexible, but I don't think he's the one to compromise for.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by melody147
    I was naive
    Yes, I would agree with this.

    Nobody loves you after a week or two of dating. He barley even knows you. Unfortunately, you took the serious red flags as signs of love when they weren't that at all. Run next time some dude comes at you with behaviour like this. It's almost never a good sign.

    And you're right that it's easy for him to just dismiss everything. You only dated a few weeks, which is very little in the grand scheme of things. He wasn't invested, and in the future, you would be wise to pace yourself so you don't invest so much so early on either.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not stay true to yourself and your faith and only date those within your faith who share your values. Stop running around looking for quick fixes from players who tell you whatever they think you want to hear to get in your pants.
    Originally Posted by melody147
    no sex though bcuz I'm religious/none before marriage. I confronted him on the phone and he said that his Muslim friends told him that an interfaith marriage was doomed. I keep crying and worrying that he hated me physically/like how my body looks or hated my hair i had anorexia a while ago so it's kinda thin, or that he didn't like my personality.

  7. #16
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    "Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"?

    So this guy wants to SHAME and INSULT you into having sex?!? This guy is disgusting - and racist to boot. You know... there are plenty of ďwhiteĒ guys that want to wait for sex for religious reasons as well (usually Christianity) and/or because it means something to them. And really - you are smart and have values and are looking to be a doctor! Of course there will be a lot of guys that will want to be with you!!

    This guy is an ignorant jerk. You should feel very fortunate that he weeded himself out.

    I donít think you should compromise your morals and beliefs for anyone. If you YOURSELF ever change your mind because you find yourself in the right situation - thatís one thing. But someone who cares about you and respects you wonít pressure you by degrading you.

    Iím sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, with dating, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one. This guy was a toad. Donít give him even one more ounce of your emotional energy or headspace. He doesnít deserve it.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Block and delete him. Never chase after jerks like this. Find some decent men at UCSD.
    Originally Posted by melody147
    said that he didn't want to deal with cultural differences in belief. "Did you expect that a white guy would be satisfied with everything you bring to the table"?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by melody147
    I guess I didn't believe that he would treat me this badly (ignore me, discard the relationship easily) just because of sex; I thought it must be due to something else I did or was. I live in California. It seems like everyone wants to have sex before marriage. IDK, I might've compromised and been more flexible, but I don't think he's the one to compromise for.
    Men do this all the time to get sex. Some will wait much longer to get it, then dump the girl. You only knew this guy for 5 weeks. Don't put so much energy into this.

    As I mentioned earlier, the "I love you" at a week was an obvious sign.

  10. #19
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    OP,

    I agree with almost everything said by everyone else. You are unfortunately not compatible. You wanted a LTR; he wanted to have sex. You can't due to your religion; he is not prepared to wait. All true. It would not work between you at all, sad to say. :(

    The one thing I don't agree with is the 'only 5 weeks'. Oh so easy to say when it's not you, not your life, not your heart 'bleeding love', to quote Leona Lewis, but a stranger's on the net. I get it though; I get how you can fall madly in love and start living a whole new life in mere 5 weeks only for it all to be snatched away in an instant - I get how devastating this is. I am very sorry that you are going through this. Your time will come. You will get through this. I wish you all the best.
    Last edited by Metaltwin70; 10-31-2018 at 12:49 PM.

  11. #20
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    'You only knew this guy for 5 weeks. Don't put so much energy into this.'

    By end of week 5 of us being together, my husband and I were a part of each other's lives. He'd asked me to be his gf at week 3 or 4. I was madly in love. He was madly in love. He'd introduced me to his entire family abroad. We were a solid item, at 5 weeks together. 14+ years later, we still are - a solid item. So.. no, it's not 'just 5 weeks'. If someone had taken him away from me back then, after 5 weeks of knowing him.. I'd have been devastated beyond belief.

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