Should I meet up with my ex?

Me and my ex dated for about 9 months, we broke up about 2 and a half months ago. Our relationship was really amazing and we both connected so well, the sex was great too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone that I’ve met. ( I don’t mind going into detail about the break up if anyone is interested, it really sucked) After he broke up with me, we still saw eachother for about a week before we decided that it was still too hard for us. So we stopped the communication between us for a while . For the past couple weeks we’ve been talking again, just as friends, but we both flirt here and there. We met up last week to go to one of our favorite ice cream places ( he picked the place ) we had pretty normal conversation, we didn’t bring up the break up. It was awkward at first, I knew he was trying to impress me with the things he would say. By the end of the night his hug was a lot more sincere than the first. Well last night we were flirting more than usual and he said that he wants to see me . I don’t want to turn this into an “ ex with benefits “ . I really wanna see him and hangout cause he’s a great person. Should I see him ? How do I tell him how I feel ? Is it time that we had the talk? I don’t know.

Sorry to hear this, why did you break up? Then stop hanging out. He broke up but has never mentioned reconciling. He's warming you up for a backup plan and/or fwb. He knows and senses you'll hang out and pretend you're back together, even though he's not saying that..

I don’t want to turn this into an “ ex with benefits “ .

I know he still has feelings for me

Sorry to hear this, why did you break up? Then stop hanging out. He broke up but has never mentioned reconciling. He's warming you up for a backup plan and/or fwb. He knows and senses you'll hang out and pretend you're back together, even though he's not saying that..

Well we both used to work together , he was my manager and we kept our relationship between us and like 2 other co workers who we’re both friends with. After about a few months he got offered to work at a different location closer to his house and with a better pay. I told him he should definitely transfer cause it was a good opportunity. Well things were going great and after a while his ex girlfriend got transferred there to. They dated for about 2 years and he’s told me before about her and how she would never pay attention to him and she would always talk to other people and ingnore him while they would spend time together, and he felt like he started becoming controlling , because he would tell her to stop talking to certain people. Didn’t matter who they were and he didn’t like that about himself, so he broke up with her. Well when she started working there she began texting him. She would tell him that she’s going through a difficult time and that he’s the only one who could help her ( that’s a load of BS in my opinion ). Anyways my ex showed me the text messages where he would tell her to leave him alone and to move on but she doesn’t listen. He’s scared that she’s going to do something dumb to herself and he didn’t want that on his conscious. I asked if he still cared for her and he said only as a person and nothing more. He said he felt trapped and didn’t want to put me through this so he told me he needed some time to figure it out. He told me he didn’t wanna break up with me and he even cried and told me everything he loved about me and how much he loved me. It was so hard for both of us. We stopped hanging out with each other because we both needed time to heal. That short period after the break up we were still seeing each other and it was hard knowing that we’re no longer together and he still needed time to figure it all out.

If you want to reconcile and get back with him I'd tell him honestly "if we want to get back together we can meet and we should talk about what went wrong and how to fix it, but if not, I'm not ready to be friends and need time and distance to move on" and then you go NC.

Exes can't be friends so soon and when there are still feelings lingering.

If you want to reconcile and get back with him I'd tell him honestly "if we want to get back together we can meet and we should talk about what went wrong and how to fix it, but if not, I'm not ready to be friends and need time and distance to move on" and then you go NC.

 

Exes can't be friends so soon and when there are still feelings lingering.

We both did the NC for about a month before we started talking again. We were friends before the relationship too. The thing is that I don’t want to move on:/ I know for a fact that he’s the person I want. I tried talking to other guys but I just don’t click with them.

He’s scared that she’s going to do something dumb to herself and he didn’t want that on his conscious

she was on her own just fine while they were broken up. He is giving you this excuse so that you are cool with them being in touch. I don't think he was that invested with you if he was willing to lose you and not tell the ex "stop texting me. I have moved on."

He’s scared that she’s going to do something dumb to herself and he didn’t want that on his conscious

 

she was on her own just fine while they were broken up. He is giving you this excuse so that you are cool with them being in touch. I don't think he was that invested with you if he was willing to lose you and not tell the ex "stop texting me. I have moved on."

He has told her that but it’s not like he can avoid her all the time because they work together. I agree with you though, I think it was an excuse cause I know for a fact that if I was I’m that situation I would not have broken up with the person I was dating. Also , a while back , his ex messaged me through twitter apologizing to me and that I have every right to be mad at her and so on. I told my ex about it and I blocked her and he told me that he’s sorry for that and that she’s childish and how he wishes she would go away.

Try not to get caught in the middle of their on/off situation. No matter what he tells you, it takes 2 and he's keeping it going.

things were going great and after a while his ex girlfriend got transferred there to. when she started working there she began texting him. He said he felt trapped and didn’t want to put me through this so he told me he needed some time to figure it out.

Try not to get caught in the middle of their on/off situation. No matter what he tells you, it takes 2 and he's keeping it going.

I feel like I’ve had enough time to process the situation. I wanna say things I couldn’t say before. I wanna know how he truly feels even if it hurts but I wanna know if there’s ever gonna be a future for us or not. I can’t move on , not when I still feel that connection between us. I just don’t know if I really should or how to even begin.

Yeah, have to second Wiseman. Sounds like he's been using you as plan B while he decides if his old relationship is reworkable. A lot of people paint their ex in a certain way that isn't true to justify remaining in contact. Find someone who is completely unattached. You say you've tried to move on, but 2 1/2 months is nothing. Work on getting over this guy, so you can meet someone who won't break your heart again.

Yeah, have to second Wiseman. Sounds like he's been using you as plan B while he decides if his old relationship is reworkable. A lot of people paint their ex in a certain way that isn't true to justify remaining in contact. Find someone who is completely unattached. You say you've tried to move on, but 2 1/2 months is nothing. Work on getting over this guy, so you can meet someone who won't break your heart again.

I really should try, I’ve already been asked out by 2 guys but I said no because I’m still not completely over my ex and it wouldn’t have been fair to either of them. I’ve also been friends with these guys for years , both are attractive but I just don’t connect with them in that way. I don’t believe in friendzone , I think relationships are better when you star off as friends but with them I just don’t see it.

He has told her that but it’s not like he can avoid her all the time because they work together. I agree with you though, I think it was an excuse cause I know for a fact that if I was I’m that situation I would not have broken up with the person I was dating. Also , a while back , his ex messaged me through twitter apologizing to me and that I have every right to be mad at her and so on. I told my ex about it and I blocked her and he told me that he’s sorry for that and that she’s childish and how he wishes she would go away.

You can see someone at work and only talk about what it is required to talk about at work (requesting a report from someone, etc, interacting only when you have to), and NOT see them outside of work or text them in a familiar way. The only way she knew who you were is because he told her and he was just inviting drama to do so. If she apologized to you - i bet that they got back together or he truly is acting like a bystander in his own life.

You can see someone at work and only talk about what it is required to talk about at work (requesting a report from someone, etc, interacting only when you have to), and NOT see them outside of work or text them in a familiar way. The only way she knew who you were is because he told her and he was just inviting drama to do so. If she apologized to you - i bet that they got back together or he truly is acting like a bystander in his own life.

Could they have probably seen each other out of work during this time? maybe, i don’t know about the things they talk about or what goes on at work, etc... but I know they’re not together.

Could they have probably seen each other out of work during this time? maybe, i don’t know about the things they talk about or what goes on at work, etc... but I know they’re not together.

texting eachother is "non-work related". Her texting and saying "i miss you" and him entertaining that is all "nonwork related". the fact that he broke up to you because he was confused speaks volumes vs staying with you and telling her to knock it off, you know? All the crying that he loves you but has to break up/figure it out..... whatever it was, it was enough for him to discontinue the relationship because she was in play

Seeing it has come to this you have two options, ignore him altogether or being direct with him and ask him his intentions. Tell him that you have no intention on being his friend and if he wants to reconcile and is completely done with her, to let you know.

From there you might reconsider things, but in the meantime anything in between is something you are not willing to do.

No more triangles. No more wait 'n see. No more in between. In or out. Which is it?

And you can't be `an ex with benefits' unless you agree to it.

 

He said he felt trapped and didn’t want to put me through this so he told me he needed some time to figure it out. He told me he didn’t wanna break up with me and he even cried and told me everything he loved about me and how much he loved me.

I see, so he broke up with you for YOU? Because he didn't want to put YOU through this? How noble of him, pfft.

Not buying it, and neither should you.

As if that's not BS enough, he cries telling you he doesn't want to break up with you, but then proceeds to do just that!

OP, this man has got a hidden agenda. He may still have feelings for you on some level, but it seems clear he also has strong feelings for his EX, and has placed his feelings for her over whatever feelings he has for you.

No man who loves a woman is going to break up with her because of some unwelcome texts from his EX or because he's scared she is going to do something to herself.

No way, no how.

His tears while ending it were guilt tears as he knows he is hurting you, and of course he feels badly (and guilty) about that, but whatever he's got going on with his ex trumps hurting you, otherwise he would not have broken up with you.

I am sorry I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it seems very clear that this is what's happening.

He's still too into his ex to be fully available to date you, OP.

It's true that he might have some feelings for you, but his feelings for her were stronger.

texting eachother is "non-work related". Her texting and saying "i miss you" and him entertaining that is all "nonwork related". the fact that he broke up to you because he was confused speaks volumes vs staying with you and telling her to knock it off, you know? All the crying that he loves you but has to break up/figure it out..... whatever it was, it was enough for him to discontinue the relationship because she was in play

You’re right , if he didn’t have some sort of feelings for her he wouldn’t have let her get in his head. If he would have just told me from the beginning instead of waiting to tell me about her when we broke up things probably would’ve been different. As in he wouldn’t have had to hide it from me and I wouldn’t have doubted his feelings for me because he’s making the situation clear. Instead of ending it and having me think that maybe there was something more.

Seeing it has come to this you have two options, ignore him altogether or being direct with him and ask him his intentions. Tell him that you have no intention on being his friend and if he wants to reconcile and is completely done with her, to let you know.

 

From there you might reconsider things, but in the meantime anything in between is something you are not willing to do.

 

No more triangles. No more wait 'n see. No more in between. In or out. Which is it?

 

And you can't be `an ex with benefits' unless you agree to it.

I want him to be honest with me cause I don’t want many to waste my time if he doesn’t plan on making us work.

I see, so he broke up with you for YOU? Because he didn't want to put YOU through this? How noble of him, pfft.

 

Not buying it, and neither should you.

 

As if that's not BS enough, he cries telling you he doesn't want to break up with you, but then proceeds to do just that!

 

OP, this man has got a hidden agenda. He may still have feelings for you on some level, but it seems clear he also has strong feelings for his EX, and has placed his feelings for her over whatever feelings he has for you.

 

No man who loves a woman is going to break up with her because of some unwelcome texts from his EX or because he's scared she is going to do something to herself.

 

No way, no how.

 

His tears while ending it were guilt tears as he knows he is hurting you, and of course he feels badly (and guilty) about that, but whatever he's got going on with his ex trumps hurting you, otherwise he would not have broken up with you.

 

I am sorry I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it seems very clear that this is what's happening.

It’s not what I want to hear . It’s what I need to hear. He put her feelings over mine. He broke up with me for another girl. I just wish he could have just admitted that instead of trying to use me as the reason why he wants to break up, because he doesn’t want me to be in the “ middle “ of this. BS , all he had to do was be honest with his own feelings but it seems like these days people struggle with that too. Like you’re gonna ruin a perfectly good relationship for some girl who is part of the past? No. There had to be something more.

He's still too into his ex to be fully available to date you, OP.

 

It's true that he might have some feelings for you, but his feelings for her were stronger.

I think you’re probably right. We’ve never had trust issue or any type of relationship problems, but as soon as something like this happened he was so quick to decide to break up with me instead of trying to talk it out. I don’t know if I could have changed his mind in that moment.

We both did the NC for about a month

Homo sapiens have existed on earth for about 300,000 years of its 4.6 billion year history.

A month is nothing.

Annia is right, if you can't sort out the problem immediately, then you need a proper period of NC before you come back (if ever) and reassess it.