I feel depressed and like it's ruining my relationship. Advice please.

Hi, thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it's not too long winded.

I feel like I've always struggled with depression although I've never been to the doctors because I've always managed to deal with it but recently it feels persistent and I can't shake it.

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, we broke up for 10 months and are now back together. Since starting uni this year, I'm constantly in a bad mood: I want to socialize and make new friends but don't have the motivation to, I'm always tired, teary - if one minor bad thing happens I feel like it's the end of the world (when I even know it isn't!), lonely - but when I'm with people I don't actually feel like I want to be there, and most significantly I constantly feel anxious and paranoid that my boyfriend is going to leave me which makes me very clingy and dependent. I feel like maybe this is because I'm depressed, I know I shouldn't be sad because I have nothing to be sad about, but it's like there's something in my head making me feel so anxious and on edge all of the time, and worry about things I shouldn't despite getting reassurance which I know I should believe but I just physically can't. I feel like it's taking over my life, all I do is worry and dwell on things when I know I shouldn't.

Views on this?

Also, I've explained to my boyfriend how I feel depressed and I think it's making me act and see things a way I usually wouldn't (negatively) but I know he struggles to understand and I don't want to push him away because of something I feel like I can't control anymore.

Sorry you're going through this.

You need to be in therapy to confront this stuff, otherwise you risk leaning on your boyfriend as a therapist—a role neither of you want, ultimately. There's no romance in that, to say nothing that it will only perpetuate your fears that he'll leave you. You don't want to be his patient, and the more you lean into that role the harder it will feel to be, you know, the woman he loves and cares about.

Whether you two can work as you work through this remains to be seen, but you have to start thinking of this as your issue. He can support you, and should, as you confront it, but he can't be the medicine.

Why haven't you seen a doctor? It seems like the best solution.

Well, at least you understand what is going on inside of you. You might just need something like a low-dosage of Zoloft or some similar medicine just to take the edge off of your fears. So you should talk with a doctor. Or you can continue to use your intelligence and intellect to fight off the fears. At your age, depression is common, and dealing with schoolwork can be very stressful. Be sure to force yourself to hang out with your friends, keep going to concerts and events, and don't try to hide from the world. Keep on getting out there and doing things you know willl make you happy.

I would also make sure you are taking Vitamin D -- a lot of Vitamin D deficiencies produce or make worse what you describe. Therapy is also a great idea. I would not jump to medications right off the bat.

Contact student health and make an appointment for a doctor and therapist. You're not coping anymore. It's not just your bf, it's pervasive in all areas of your life.

I've never been to the doctors because I've always managed to deal.