NC we aren’t dating?

Okay so I was casually dating a guy and I’ve really fallen for him. I’ve got some issues and I was really mean to him.

Anyway we met on Friday and I was super drunk, I didn’t want to kiss him but we slept together, he said I make him feel rubbish and ugly and I am too moody, I asked him if he’ll see me again he said we will see. He’s ignored me since but hasn’t deleted me on anything and views all my social media. I know I’ve made a huge mistake because he’s lovely. I’m gonna go NC anyway for myself but I just hope he does come back and talk again. Surely the fact he hasn’t deleted me was something.

Okay so I was casually dating a guy and I’ve really fallen for him. I’ve got some issues and I was really mean to him.

 

Anyway we met on Friday and I was super drunk, I didn’t want to kiss him but we slept together, he said I make him feel rubbish and ugly and I am too moody, I asked him if he’ll see me again he said we will see. He’s ignored me since but hasn’t deleted me on anything and views all my social media. I know I’ve made a huge mistake because he’s lovely. I’m gonna go NC anyway for myself but I just hope he does come back and talk again. Surely the fact he hasn’t deleted me was something.

What did you say or do that was mean? What are the personal issues you refer to?

Depending on what happened, he might just be taking some time to process before deciding whether or not to call it off altogether.

That's a great posting. You made him feel rubbish and ugly but you asked him if he'll see you again!

Yes, I want to feel even more rubbish and ugly. Let's go out again!

Uh -- not likely.

Looking at your previous posts, is there something you're doing to push people away? Are you depressed? Do you have a drinking problem? Or are you just unlucky in love? You might need to really think about what's going on.

Okay I pushed him away because of my past relationship. I didn’t want to like him through fear of getting hurt. But I liked him anyway. And I just feel horrible and so guilty now because I knew he was kind. And I’ve said nasty to him. And he won’t even reply now. Idk

I just don’t understand if he doesn’t ever want to speak again why wouldn’t he just delete me off everything, every single social media “story” I post he looks at

I acted like a complete idiot. And I got a eff boy vibe from him. And when I was there on Friday I saw a message off a girl and it just put me off. And now I just think what’s the point but I liked him so much. Anyway I’ll do NC for 30 days and just see if he ever contacts me. :(

I acted like a complete idiot. And I got a eff boy vibe from him. And when I was there on Friday I saw a message off a girl and it just put me off. And now I just think what’s the point but I liked him so much. Anyway I’ll do NC for 30 days and just see if he ever contacts me. :(

Sounds like he was acting normal and everything was going ok which caused you to feel safe, so when you saw the photo you, for a lack of better words, let the crazy out.

Now instead of you sitting back and taking stock and digesting the fact that he was talking to another girl, you’re in crisis mode because a) again you let the crazy out, putting the focus and guilt of wrong doing on you and b)!his silence is causing you to feel totally and completely vulnerable and insecure.

This is what happens when we bring baggage into new relationships. Our actions are never level headed or coming from a place of contemplation and security, it’s just chaos. And a string of could be relationships and hanging onto people you’d cross the street to avoid under normal circumstances.

Him not deleting you simply means he doesn't care enough to literally go through the trouble of deleting you.

But wouldn’t he want to delete me when I’ve messaged him so much?

What shall I do I’ve said sorry and told him why I was like I was

I just don’t understand if he doesn’t ever want to speak again why wouldn’t he just delete me off everything, every single social media “story” I post he looks at

Surely the fact he hasn’t deleted me was something.

I suspect at this point he's keeping things open so he can hook up with you when he has no other options available to him... Personally, I'd not see a guy that would have so little self-respect for himself that he'd come back to someone who makes him feel like rubbish.

If nothing else, learn from this and don't repeat your behaviour. You don't want to be burning bridges or feel remorse for your own choices.

I hope he does message me. I really do

I hope he does message me. I really do

Why when you can't take the fact that he has other chicks messaging him? Do you think he's going to be exclusive with you at the onset? He has other options so I'm confident that he'll not be cutting off other women now.

I suggest you keep your options open as well and don't have any expectations on this guy.

I think I’m just insecure. I do keep my options open I really do it just got me seeing it. Idk. NC hopefully will work

I think I’m just insecure. I do keep my options open I really do it just got me seeing it. Idk. NC hopefully will work

Sounds like he was acting normal and everything was going ok which caused you to feel safe, so when you saw the photo you, for a lack of better words, let the crazy out.

 

Now instead of you sitting back and taking stock and digesting the fact that he was talking to another girl, you’re in crisis mode because a) again you let the crazy out, putting the focus and guilt of wrong doing on you and b)!his silence is causing you to feel totally and completely vulnerable and insecure.

 

This is what happens when we bring baggage into new relationships. Our actions are never level headed or coming from a place of contemplation and security, it’s just chaos. And a string of could be relationships and hanging onto people you’d cross the street to avoid under normal circumstances.

I’m just gonna quote myself. TWT has a point, it could be he wants to make sure he’s leaving his options open, or maybe he’s hurt and needs space. Whatever the reason one thing we know for sure is you caught him talking to other women and you’re begging him for forgiveness, let that sink in. What should have happened was you walking away dear. That’s what we do when people treat us bad, we walk away.

I know I always fall for the wrong people. But he is lovely. I just dunno why I have been so horrible.

After I slept with him he said “are you gonna block me now?”

Here you go, from a man's perspective. Dude had a fun night with you. Then it became, well, not so fun, when the mean side came out. He kind of thought: um, whoa, a bit much—time to retreat to safe and saner ground.

As for social media, it means nothing. Y'all had sex, shared intimacy. Social media is a nice place to get wistful about that—without, you know, having to deal with the mean stuff. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I bet you still follow some guys you've hooked up with. I think that's just basically #yolo #2018, no?

But what's with the games? You think he's lovely, feel silly about how you acted, want to see him again? Tell him. See what happens.

You want him to come around and reach out to the mean woman—you—because....why? As mentioned above, IF he does that it's going to be in a hook-up only mode of thought, because right now he's probably not feeling you, however hot things were between the sheets.

Most importantly, this stuff needs to be worked out in therapy. It sounds to me like you have a knee-jerk near hatred of a man who finds you attractive enough to have sex with. Probably not the mindset for picking winners, or keeping the winners around when they enter your orbit.

I told him how I felt he ignored me

I told him how I felt he ignored me

I don't want to go for tat here. Did you tell him you didn't like the way you behaved, or did you just put it all on him? In here you're saying he's lovely, you got nervous, got mean. Does he know that?

Or does he know that you're someone who got a little mean and then told him you felt ignored?

I mean, if a mean woman was then throwing me shade for ignoring her—well, I'd kind of just ignore her. Maybe scan her social media, sure, but I wouldn't be dying to swim in those choppy waters again.

Probably the second one

Think I was way too full on. I need to not care.

I would also like to add that NC is not meant to be used to get someone back. Speaking from experience, it doesn't work and you will drive yourself insane waiting for that 30 days to be over with.

NC should be used to focus on yourself and as a means to move on from that person.

A quick add, by NC working I mean to sort myself out. My last relationship has absolutely destroyed me

A quick add, by NC working I mean to sort myself out. My last relationship has absolutely destroyed me

I think that much is obvious, which is why this mans rejection feels like an absolute disaster. Been there done that got the T-shirt, only way to avoid it is therapy and time away from dating.

I think it’s safe to say this hookup has ran its course.

Onward and upward