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Sugar daddy to dating to commited but no relationship


Kittymeows

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6 months ago I joined a sugar daddy site as a baby. I met a guy, he was on there cos he wanted a relationship, I did not cos I was in love with my fwb, but we hadn’t seen each other for 5 months (though talked for hours at least twice a week). Sugar daddy and I chatted for a few days and got along really well. I went out with some girl friends in a Saturday night and got a bit drunk. I went to his place and we ed.

We started dating. I broke it off after 2 months. I slept with fwb again. Sugar daddy and I started dating again (unspoken), at this point I was seeing both of them- they both knew. I spent most of my week with sugar daddy and about once or twice a month with fwb (he lives 3 hours away)sugar daddy and I started to get feelings. I wanted to make it official, he said no. Fwb and I had always discussed getting married to help with visa problems. This situation happened. I broke it off with sugar daddy as fwb wanted a monogamous relationship when married. I was really sad. Fwb ed his other fwb, I thought it was over. Went back to sugar daddy. I was happy there. Fwb still wanted the arrangement. I said yes again (I wasn’t innocent, I had done sugar daddy once too). I decided I couldn’t go through with marriage cos I loved sugar daddy. I told fwb. He understood. I went back to sugar daddy. We are in a committed relationship but he will not make it official. He has never seen anyone since we met. He says he doesn’t wanna date or have a girlfriend at this point of his life as he’s going through another part of his divorce (5years later). We spend at least 3 nights a week together, he calls me for hours every day when we don’t see each other. We live the life of a couple but he won’t say that. I’m good with what we have but I feel insecure cos he won’t make it official and he plans in seeing his stripper ex for a few days. They caught up not long ago for a 3 day holiday and they didn’t , though she tried numerous times (I believe him, we’ve always been honest), I can’t help but feel he won’t make it official cos now she’s talking to him every day (they didn’t before the last meeting) and they are gonna see each other in the next week or so. He is still as loving and attentive, he still tells me he loves me and doesn’t wanna be with anyone else. Thoughts?

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Well, I'm a bit confused because it seems you're mixing business with pleasure. The line between being a sugar baby and being a girlfriend is kind of blurred here. What exactly is your arrangement? Usually, you receive a certain amount of money and sometimes a paid-for apartment in return for being exclusive. Are you charging just by date? A sugar baby treats her daddy like a boyfriend but with boundaries. It seems unusual that you were seeing your friend at the same time you had an arrangement with your daddy. You talk about making things official and being in a committed relationship. Again, this is suppose to be a business relationship.

 

So I guess I should ask what exactly are you expecting in all this? Are you just trying to earn some money or do you want to be his girlfriend? And how will being his girlfriend change the arrangement.

 

I would tell you to be careful about your boundaries. You don't want to get carried away in all of this.

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Yeah you’re right. After a few weeks we decided that a sugar relationship wasn’t gonna work for us as we both developed feelings. He was helping me pay bills at the start and I had very specific boundaries, but we ended that arrangement to pursue a proper dating relationship. He still wanted to help me financially but I refused to make it equal terms. We did this for a month before I ended it. We never did the sugar daddy thing again.

I want to be his girlfriend. I say I’m a sugar baby and he was my daddy but there is only 3 years difference between us. I started seeing fwb cos he said back then it was nothing.

That nothing changed to ‘I love you’ s. Now he tells me doesn’t wanna see anyone but me, he’s not looking and he’s committed to me but doesn’t want the title of boyfriend.

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Why are you hard up for money? Do you work or go to school? What do you need a visa for? Why can't you get a work or study visa? Your sugar daddy is married and can't offer you a visa or marriage. Your other bedfellow won't marry you either.

6 months ago I joined a sugar daddy site as a baby. I wanted to make it official, he said no. he’s going through another part of his divorce

 

Fwb and I had always discussed getting married to help with visa problems.

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Well I'm a bit confused too because I thought that a Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationship is not really monogamous but is more like a business transaction or escort and client relationship. Like, in a sense that while they may enjoy each other's company, they have each other for a specific primary reason. The Daddy has the baby for sex and she has him for money. In many cases both people would be seeing other people too. I don't really think you have a right to expect this man to fully commit to you and be monogamous because a) You weren't exclusive with him either, you had your FWB; and b) You met him on a Sugar Daddy web site. The way this whole thing started was not your typical dating and if this man was looking for a sugar baby rather than girlfriend, that was obviously for a reason? Maybe he does want that type of arrangement where he provides financially for a woman in exchange for sex, but that gives him the freedom to also see other women and do what he wants.

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So he's getting you for free? I think you've made a major mistake. Being a Sugar Baby is one thing, but now you're his mistress. He might be just using you. Despite whatever he's telling you about getting a divorce, he is still married. And he was on a Sugar Baby site. You should have kept to the arrangement. Guys will do and say anything to get free sex. At least the Sugar Baby relationship gave you the upper hand. I think what you're doing may be a big mistake. He could dump you and you'll have nothing. The fact he won't make his relationship with you "official" is a bit telling.

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Well I'm a bit confused too because I thought that a Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationship is not really monogamous but is more like a business transaction or escort and client relationship.

 

It can be monogamous. It's not prostitution per se. A true Sugar Baby arrangement would be where a Sugar Daddy pays for an apartment and a "salary," and the Baby promises to be monogamous. It can be more like a consort, a courtesan, or a concubine relationship. But it also can be a pay-per-date It's whatever two people agree to.

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Kitty: Why don't you dump both of these guys because neither one is really only "doing" you (I'm more then sure SD is still doing his wife and your FWB isn't going to commit to anything monogamous with you)?

 

Cleanse yourself of both of them for EVER, start clean after some therapy to help you with your self-worth and inability to be alone and be happy and when you're feeling more independent and confident, date then.

 

You are a temporary soft place to land for both of these men. Don't let them have you in that capacity a moment longer is my advice.

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He says he doesn’t wanna date or have a girlfriend at this point of his life as he’s going through another part of his divorce

 

It's pretty clear, no? I mean, he literally spelled it out for you in black and white. And now that you have continued to be exclusive with him, he has (rightfully so) assumed that you are okay with the above arrangement.

 

The man is still married, is seeing his ex who happens to be a stripper, is in an "exclusive" sexual relationship with his sugar baby. Even if he hadn't said the above, it would be clear from his actions that he has no desire to settle down and have a GF.

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My bad, I was a bit unclear. He was on a sugar daddy site specifically to find a relationship, not just for business arrangements. I was in there for business, not a relationship. He got divorced 5 years ago. He has nothing to do with his ex wife other than the continued court cases.

His justification for not having the title boyfriend is that while he is committed to me, he can’t do a proper relationship at this time as he can’t work towards common goals because he is focused on the court cases (these started again after we met). It’s difficult for him both emotionally and financially and I get that. I pursue him more for sex than he does with me. He told me last night that he wants to build more emotional intimacy. It’s just the title, I don’t know why I want it so bad...

Stripper ex is pursuing him. She’s 11 years his junior and stunning. I trust him when he says he won’t do anything with her, but I don’t trust her.

Visa problems were not my own, but my fwb.

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I'd be asking him why he's getting so involved with you when he is no place to offer you what you want. If you two break up he'll just hook up with another person who is low in self worth until she too pushes for something solid.

 

Give them both up and start again when you yourself are ready to actually be in a true relationship of reciprocality. You must be in some sort of fear of commitment to be hanging your star on guys who don't want anything more then your poonanny.

 

Deep down, are you sure you want to be in something mutual and respectful?

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I say I’m a sugar baby and he was my daddy but there is only 3 years difference between us. .

I would hardly call this a "sugar baby/daddy" scenario. My understanding is that it's usually a much much older guy, old enough to be your grandfather, and very young women. Not sure why you would label this as "sugar daddy/baby" at all. Maybe I'm missing something...

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It's good for him. He's got you pursuing him, available when he wants, and you are jealous of a stripper he's going to sleep with. I doubt he has any real feelings. He found you looking for women to purchase for sex. He's getting that now without paying even.

 

Think long and hard: you are jealous of a stripper and insecure over a man who bought sex from you. Cool?!?

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I would hardly call this a "sugar baby/daddy" scenario. My understanding is that it's usually a much much older guy, old enough to be your grandfather, and very young women. Not sure why you would label this as "sugar daddy/baby" at all. Maybe I'm missing something...

Sugar relationships come in many various ways. I’m an older sugar baby (35) and he is a younger daddy (38). We met in a sugar daddy website. It started as a sugar relationship because he was paying money to see me.

(please note people- sugar babies don’t necessarily have sex with their daddies, it can just be good company and someone to do things with- want to go to a good restaurant and have a pretty girl listen to all your problems or have good conversations? Sugar baby. The point is you get a connection, without the hang ups of a gf)

He said he wanted to date me properly, and was still willing to give me money, I rejected the money in order to show my sincerity- that I was doing it because I liked him. I didn’t want him to doubt my feelings because he provided for me financially.... I broke it off not long after. Then there was the whole in again off again thing..

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You must be in some sort of fear of commitment to be hanging your star on guys who don't want anything more then your poonanny.

You’re absolutely right I do have a fear of commitment. SD spends a lot more time with my brains than my ‘poonanny’ though. haha.

I also can’t blame for not wanting to commit as a bf when I say I want to.... I’ve broken it off with him multiple times, not the best basis for a committed bf/gf relationship.

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You’re absolutely right I do have a fear of commitment. SD spends a lot more time with my brains than my ‘poonanny’ though. haha.

I also can’t blame for not wanting to commit as a bf when I say I want to.... I’ve broken it off with him multiple times, not the best basis for a committed bf/gf relationship.

 

Step away, figure yourself out, decide what you end dating goal is and then when you have a goal, strive for that instead of doing what you've been doing. You are what I call a "crazy maker" and I tell guys that are attached to women like you to ghost them and be done with her.

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You are what I call a "crazy maker" and I tell guys that are attached to women like you to ghost them and be done with her.

‘Crazy maker’ hahaha touché. To both myself and them. The task of stepping away is difficult when you have the feels, I’ll start with space. Thanks for your honesty xx

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