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Thread: Was I Dating A Socipath? Should I Expect Him To Return? PLEASE HELP.

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    Do you think time and abstaining from contact (along with therapy) really will help me get over this?
    YES!!!!! And I speak from experience!!!

  2. #22
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    Did you have a bad upbringing. What is your relationship with your parents like, what kind of people are they towards you and towards each other?

    This guy never loved you, respected or gave a sht. He treated you like you were a dirty rag and completely spat on your existence. This wasn't love, it was an addicition and a relentless need to prove you were worthy.

    Financially you should NEVER EVER be the one shelling out. He treated you like you had no heart and was simply a play thing and a way to boost his ego, bc clearly, he was a highly messed up individual.

    But you allowed it. You tolerated this behaviour. You should have ran when refused to take u places, had u pay for things, cancelled the first time and acted on every way possible that he didn't give a sht about you as a person, a friend or a significant other.

    You should have ran when you were more a secret, when he gave u a fcking STD the first time you slept together!! When he told you to shut up and keep silent. When he treated you like a dumpster and a call girl. When he betrayed you a staggering number of times.

    Self esteem is an interesting thing in that we can let the idea of someone and the want of their approval become our only priority. He was an absolutely disgusting person for doing those things to you, and you should have said NO right at the beginning, or at least during one of the numerous times he showed you how minimally he regarded you.

    Don't ever let someone tear up your sense of self again. Please block him on everything, change your number NOW. Find a new therapist. Stay single for the next two years. Fix yourself. Rediscover who you are inside. LEAVE all this behind but please learn from it.

    I was in a toxic cycle for several years. I look back on it and cringe at my behaviour, all in the name of 'love'.

    Know this, the man that is good for you will never make you feel so low and chaotic. But in order to to get to the stage where you can find a good well adjusted, emotionally healthy guy, you need to work on yourself. Find out why you allowed all this.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    Do you think time and abstaining from contact (along with therapy) really will help me get over this?
    Keely: This is like getting over any addiction. You have to go cold turkey withdrawl and abstain from your drug of choice in order to overcome the addiction to the punishment/reward merry go round he had you on. So, yes... going zero contact will help you rehab from the likes of him. Its how you will get to the stage of indifference to him.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    YES!!!!! And I speak from experience!!!
    Really?? What was your experience like? How long before you realized you slowly but surely we’re forgetting him/thinking less of him?

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Did you have a bad upbringing. What is your relationship with your parents like, what kind of people are they towards you and towards each other?

    This guy never loved you, respected or gave a sht. He treated you like you were a dirty rag and completely spat on your existence. This wasn't love, it was an addicition and a relentless need to prove you were worthy.

    Financially you should NEVER EVER be the one shelling out. He treated you like you had no heart and was simply a play thing and a way to boost his ego, bc clearly, he was a highly messed up individual.

    But you allowed it. You tolerated this behaviour. You should have ran when refused to take u places, had u pay for things, cancelled the first time and acted on every way possible that he didn't give a sht about you as a person, a friend or a significant other.

    You should have ran when you were more a secret, when he gave u a fcking STD the first time you slept together!! When he told you to shut up and keep silent. When he treated you like a dumpster and a call girl. When he betrayed you a staggering number of times.

    Self esteem is an interesting thing in that we can let the idea of someone and the want of their approval become our only priority. He was an absolutely disgusting person for doing those things to you, and you should have said NO right at the beginning, or at least during one of the numerous times he showed you how minimally he regarded you.

    Don't ever let someone tear up your sense of self again. Please block him on everything, change your number NOW. Find a new therapist. Stay single for the next two years. Fix yourself. Rediscover who you are inside. LEAVE all this behind but please learn from it.

    I was in a toxic cycle for several years. I look back on it and cringe at my behaviour, all in the name of 'love'.

    Know this, the man that is good for you will never make you feel so low and chaotic. But in order to to get to the stage where you can find a good well adjusted, emotionally healthy guy, you need to work on yourself. Find out why you allowed all this.
    I so so appreciate this well thought out and lengthy reply. I’m learning a lot about why I tolerated this behavior in therapy and I realized I really don’t think I am worthy of the love I gave out to him. I just hope he does worse, gets his karma and is an unhappy shell of a person.

  7. #26
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    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was in a toxic relationship and I understand the addiction- the cravings and all of the dynamics. You are caught up in a spiritual soul tie with a toxic individual. You need to create physical and emotional distance from this guy. Stopping the sex completely is the main way to break the soul tie. Exchanging bodily fluids with this man will keep you entangled! Cut back if you're too weak to quit cold turkey.

    You've also gotta do some soul searching. What is he giving you that keeps you enmeshed? Whatever hes giving you, another man can and will give it to you and treat you like a queen in the process. Your guy doesnt even sound like a nice person based on your narrative. Hes an a**hole.

    Lastly, at some point, you will have to do some self reflection. What fears and insecurities have you confided in this man during happier times that now allows him to exploit you in this manner? Is it abandonment? Feeling unworthy or unlovable? There is something you experienced in your life that has allowed you to believe that you deserved to mistreated. This guy may or may not be a sociopath. The real question is, why are you allowing this person in your sphere of existence? You have one life to live and life is too short to not have people in our lives that love us, uplift us and bring out the best in us. When you really realize he doesnt give a damn about you, leaving him alone will be a breeze.

    You will leave him one day. You just haven't had enough of his BS yet. Just remember this: every woman has a breaking point. You just haven't arrived there yet. Good luck to you!
    Last edited by smJackson; 10-28-2018 at 09:06 PM.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    Really?? What was your experience like? How long before you realized you slowly but surely we’re forgetting him/thinking less of him?
    At my worst I considered suicide -- it was BAD!!!

    My emotions ran the gamut -- love, hate, elation, depression, painful, painless, lather, rinse , repeat.

    I even fell hard for another man (on line) while experiencing all these emotions.

    I was lucky it took only about a year to fully kick, it was a six year relationship.

  9. #28
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    Another amazing reply I cannot explain have appreciate I am for! I have gone cold turkey since he last sent me that AM text last Monday, casually telling me to have a great day and hoping I had a safe flight home. He makes my head spin and I don’t understand what type of person acts this way or what he is thinking. Regardless, I do not plan to break no contact.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    At my worst I considered suicide -- it was BAD!!!

    My emotions ran the gamut -- love, hate, elation, pain, happiness, depression, lather, rinse , repeat.

    I even fell hard for another man (on line) while experiencing all these emotions.

    I was lucky it took only about a year to fully kick, it was a six year relationship.
    I am so happy and glad you got out of it! You give me hope so thank you so much.

  11. #30
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    Well, I don't have much to add because I think everyone covered everything. I would be the first to say that your boyfriend was an abuser and a narcissist, but there's one big difference here -- you sought him out. Even when he acted like he was trying to get rid of you, you kept hanging around and coming back. The worse he treated you, the more you seemed to want his attention. I would ask the same question as Honeycomb, was there something in your childhood that made you seek out this kind of abusive relationship? I think your self-esteem and self-confidence was already damaged before you met this guy. And then you glossed over the part where you were also sleeping with a lot of other guys and drinking heavily. It would be convenient to blame your boyfriend, but I think you set yourself up for this kind of relationship ahead of time.

    I join the chorus with the advice that you should never, ever, ever talk to this guy again or see him again. He's your Kryptonite. I hope you have a good therapist because something is going on with you. Also promise yourself not to get into a relationship like this again. You should follow the old fashioned dating rituals of going out on dates to get to know someone. You don't just go over some guy's apartment you just met on Tinder to "hang out," which of course turns to having sex. And you might consider not using Tinder again either.

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