She lied about having romantic feelings for me for over 5 months.

I was talking to/seeing a woman for over 5 months. We've been talking since April but didn't meet till early June. Anyhow things were going great with her. She was very different than most women I've talked to. I usually only go for women I have tons in common with. We don't have a ton in common but she's a nice person. We come different cultural backgrounds being that she's black and I'm white but to me that's not a big deal. Anyhow things were going great with her then we decide to have sex after 2 dates. I'm the 1st guy she's not only had sex with in a year but kissed in a year. She was with another guy for over 4 years and engaged but got cheated on. Well the sex wasn't the most amazing experience. Alot if it was cause I psyched myself out thinking I had to be perfect in bed. Things were fine though between us after that. She was still txting me kissing me calling me pet names and everything. We were still spending time together etc. To me the 1st time you have sex it isn't always going to be the most amazing experience. Sometimes practice makes perfect cause you're still getting to know eachother. Well a few weeks later in August since things were going so good with us I brought up us dating. Well it freaked her out. She says she likes me alot but she's not ready for that. I agree and say we can just keep going with how things are. That's what we do and things are going good still. Then she stops calling me pet names weeks later. Things get complicated kinda but then things get good again. Then in September she says she has alot going on right now and wants to focus on her and bettering herself etc and still has alot of anger in her about the breakup. But she tells me she cares about me and has feelings for me and says maybe when shes ready we can be together. I agree and we still talk Ever day she's still flirting with me etc. Then her bday week comes and well I'm taking her out to a upscale restaurant. A few days before that we're video chatting and she's looking extra extra beautiful and i mention how amazing she looks and maybe she could wear that when I take her out for her bday. Well she gets all pissy basically thinking I'm implying that she doesnt know how to dress nice. That wasn't what I said at all. Anyhow she doesn't talk to me for two days then the morning of me taking her out she txts saying she's coming but only cause I made reservations and paid. It took everything I had to not go off. But I played it cool and just put my ego to the side and apologize for upsetting her. We ended up having a nice time together. Well things are still going well. Then earlier this month she says i have no romantic feelings. But she says i have feelings for you. I'm like we'll that makes no sense. Feelings are romantic and or physical attraction. She says she is attracted to me. I bring up us just hanging out and having sex when we're in the mood. She thinks about it. We go out a few weeks ago and she's all flirty having her all out in a low cut shirt being all sexual talk with me then she says yeah maybe we shouldn't be having sex. This goes on for the last few weeks with her being hot and cold. Last week all is well. She's txting me kissing me beimg flirty then when we get together a few days ago she's not having any of it. A few days ago she was into me telling her how beautiful she is etc then a few days later she acted like she didn't care. Then she tells me she just wants friendship with me. She feels like a for hurting me and leading me on but she just can't be with me. I want to be friends with her but I can't help thst I'm very attracted to her. I'm also upset and hurt that she basically faked her feelings for me for so long. Now it's not all on her. I think where I went wrong is getting attached to her and making myself to available. Calling her pet names and saying I miss her sometimes when we'd talk on the phone. I feel she does care for me. We live 45 mins away from eachother and she'd always drive to see me. I don't have a car so I'd take a bus to see her and she'd drive me home. I just feel somewhat that sges still dealing with the bad breakup she went through and also that maybe I'm very different than most guys she's talked too. Being that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm very understanding and patient. And cause she went through some money probs and I helped her out with some medical stuff. This whole thing is just hard for me cause i fell hard for her and told her I think I love her. I don't want to lose her but I don't know if I can only be just friends with her. Sorry about the lengthy post. Any advice is appreciated.

Yeah, I don't think she's ready to have a stable relationship. She's all over the place, running hot and cold. Maybe she's even bipolar. It's difficult to say. But I don't think you're ever going to get anywhere with her other than what the two of you are doing now. And as you said, you don't think you can just be friends with her. I think you should slowly pull back and let her go on her own.

Try to remember to break up your post into more reader-friendly paragraphs next time, OP. You'll get more responses that way.

I don't think she lied to you for 5 months, exactly. I think she did like you on some level, as she said, and was attracted to you - but didn't want to take it further. She told you in August that she didn't want to date you. In September, she more or less reiterated that by telling you she wanted to focus on herself and was still hurting over her breakup. Your wisest move would have been to walk away in August, rather than carrying on and hoping she'd change her mind.

I agree that she shouldn't have continued flirting with you and accepting money or attention from you, to be clear. That was not cool. I have to wonder though, how much money did you give her, roughly? I am assuming that's what you meant when you said you helped her out with some medical stuff as she was having financial problems.

My guess is that either she has really come to her senses and realized she can't keep doing this when she doesn't feel the same way about you, or she has met someone else or reunited with her ex and doesn't know how to be honest about it.

I would have read your post if it wasnt for that huge wall of text. Please break it into paragraphs if you want replies.

There is nothing to lose.

There is no future here. Stop giving her money and cut all contact. Waste of time.

Yeah, I don't think she's ready to have a stable relationship. She's all over the place, running hot and cold. Maybe she's even bipolar. It's difficult to say. But I don't think you're ever going to get anywhere with her other than what the two of you are doing now. And as you said, you don't think you can just be friends with her. I think you should slowly pull back and let her go on her own.

Yeah we spoke yesterday and she was denying the mixed signals stuff when i brought up how she teases me with sexual talk and flirting. I just feel like I kinda ruined any chances of us just having sex cause last time we hung out I was extra touchy but not in a over the top kinda way. She thinks we shouldn't hang out till i can only see her as a friend.

Try to remember to break up your post into more reader-friendly paragraphs next time, OP. You'll get more responses that way.

 

I don't think she lied to you for 5 months, exactly. I think she did like you on some level, as she said, and was attracted to you - but didn't want to take it further. She told you in August that she didn't want to date you. In September, she more or less reiterated that by telling you she wanted to focus on herself and was still hurting over her breakup. Your wisest move would have been to walk away in August, rather than carrying on and hoping she'd change her mind.

 

I agree that she shouldn't have continued flirting with you and accepting money or attention from you, to be clear. That was not cool. I have to wonder though, how much money did you give her, roughly? I am assuming that's what you meant when you said you helped her out with some medical stuff as she was having financial problems.

 

My guess is that either she has really come to her senses and realized she can't keep doing this when she doesn't feel the same way about you, or she has met someone else or reunited with her ex and doesn't know how to be honest about it.

It's just the fact that she knew where i stood in regards to us. I even told her hey I can put aside my romantic feelings butI can't hide my attraction for her. I said to her in not saying we can't be friends but I see nothing wrong with us also having sex when we're in the mood. She was on and off About that. No she never wants to get back with her ex. She says shes over him it's just the situation i assume thst has her batting inner turmoil which I can understand. She says she doesn't want to date or have sex with anyone right now and just focus on her. She feels bad about hurting me she has told me she feels terrible about it.

Does that include still giving her money?

You cannot be friends if there are feelings.

It's just the fact that she knew where i stood in regards to us. I even told her hey I can put aside my romantic feelings butI can't hide my attraction for her. I said to her in not saying we can't be friends but I see nothing wrong with us also having sex when we're in the mood. She was on and off About that. No she never wants to get back with her ex. She says shes over him it's just the situation i assume thst has her batting inner turmoil which I can understand. She says she doesn't want to date or have sex with anyone right now and just focus on her. She feels bad about hurting me she has told me she feels terrible about it.

I gave her a little over 100 in all. She was broke from bills and had a eczema breakout and had to go to the er. I helped her out with money for the prescriptions. Thats just my way though. When it comes to a woman i really care for I wanna be there for her and I'll help her if she needs me to. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Yeah she was def all over the place. One day she's open to us possibly just having sex and hanging out then a day or two later she acted like she's not about it. I know it wasn't on purpose but indi feel used.

Yeah, I don't think she's ready to have a stable relationship. She's all over the place, running hot and cold. Maybe she's even bipolar. It's difficult to say. But I don't think you're ever going to get anywhere with her other than what the two of you are doing now. And as you said, you don't think you can just be friends with her. I think you should slowly pull back and let her go on her own.

Yeah she was def all over the place. One day she's open to us possibly just having sex and hanging out then a few days later she acted like she didn't know anymore. I know it wasn't on purpose but i do feel used

And cause she went through some money probs and I helped her out with some medical stuff

This is why she keeps coming around. Cut the bank off and don't do her anymore favors and see how fast she goes away.

She also seems to be using you when she is lonely or needing an ego boost.

You need to stop fooling yourself that this woman likes you. She is using you. Accept it and deal with it.

This is for your own good, you are living in a fantasy world and allowing yourself to be treated very badly. You are the only one who can stop it and hopefully move on to a woman who actually likes you.

This is why she keeps coming around. Cut the bank off and don't do her anymore favors and see how fast she goes away.

She also seems to be using you when she is lonely or needing an ego boost.

 

You need to stop fooling yourself that this woman likes you. She is using you. Accept it and deal with it.

 

This is for your own good, you are living in a fantasy world and allowing yourself to be treated very badly. You are the only one who can stop it and hopefully move on to a woman who actually likes you.

I don't think she was purposely using me but I kinda feel like she was. We talked a few days ago and she doesn't wanna hang out until I can view her as just a friend. But still I do think during my almost 6 months with her she used me as an emotional crutch and liked the attention I gave her. Since she knows I want her. Between us going out to dinners and moviescall the time and me feeling bad for her and her situation 2 weeks ago when it came to the money probs.

You're the rebound guy. It won't work out. Who needs a crazy person that only blows hot and cold? What you need to figure out is why you don't believe you deserve better.

She says she likes me alot but she's not ready for that. I agree and say we can just keep going with how things are.

Then in September she says she has alot going on right now and wants to focus on her and bettering herself etc and still has alot of anger in her about the breakup.

Then earlier this month she says i have no romantic feelings. But she says i have feelings for you.

You write about three different instances where she says, very clearly, that she isn't ready to date and doesn't have romantic feelings for you... and you respond by telling her it's okay and that you could leave things the way they were. In other words, you implicitly agree to date someone that doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them.

She might be all over the place and up and down but she DID tell you what she wanted and how she was feeling. Just because she was affectionate and wanted to spend time with you doesn't mean she was ready to be in a relationship with you, nor does it mean she lied to you. You simply chose to ignore what was being said in favor of what you wanted to see.

Do you want to be in the friendzone?

We talked a few days ago and she doesn't wanna hang out until I can view her as just a friend.

No I don't obviously lol. The only friendship I can ever see myself having with her is a fwb kinda thing. Been doing no contact for a week now.