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Thread: I had a visit from my past this weekend

  1. #1
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    I had a visit from my past this weekend

    Back in 2013 I started dating/living with a woman I met. Well that ended in 2015 due to her urge to wander. She also has a daughter that was 21 then now 23. The daughter showed up at my home Saturday out of the blue. She has concerns for her mother. seems she has been living a reckless life every since she decided to wonder from man to man. The daughter told me some pretty horrific things her mother is currently doing. She went on to tell me she is worried she will end up with some STD or even worse. So we talked until the wee hours this morning then she went her way.

    So here is where I'm at. Do I go and confront her about her reckless life style or do I just sit back and watch "like her daughter is doing" At one point I would have done anything for her. Her parents both said i was the best thing for her and her daughter since sliced bread. Now a days I've had no contact with her in 3 years for many reasons. The biggest one is she broke my heart.

  2. #2
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    Well, I don't see what you're suppose to do. It's up to her family to help her, her daughter particularly. I don't think you should get involved. And I don't see how you can get involved without getting hurt again. Stay out of it.

  3. #3
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    Nope. You are not her father. Stay out of it.

    Was the relationship co dependent?

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Nope. You are not her father. Stay out of it.

    Was the relationship co dependent?
    Not on my part.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Thorntonater
    Not on my part.
    She enabled you?

  7. #6
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    Don't make contact.
    It isn't your place.
    The daughter was in the wrong for confiding in you about this, and you should have politely told her to find someone else to voice her concerns to.
    Do not get involved.

  8. #7
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    Confrontation is a pretty aggressive word. What do you believe that this would accomplish?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    She enabled you?
    Not at all. When the term of co dependent comes into play are you referring to drug use?

  10. #9
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    Please realize that you are so not a part of the equation anymore. Cut contact with the daughter, stay out of it.

    Appreciate that you have dodged a bullet by not being involved with this woman.

    Move on, stay away, away, away....

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Thorntonater
    Not at all. When the term of co dependent comes into play are you referring to drug use?
    No. I am not. Co dependency is when we enable others.

    "They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.
    The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships."

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