I think I am going crazy

I have been with this guy for over two years. Every time we fight he blocks me on all forms of communication. The fights are always over stupid small things. I feel so lost and he keeps it that way for days until he feels like I have suffered enough or I tell him I am sorry. Sometimes i don't even know or understand what I have done. Yesterday he broke up with me and blocked me. I feel like I am going insane. I have called his phone and sent texts begging him to talk to me. I know he has me blocked and can't get them but I still can't help myself but send them. The fight was so stupid and I don't even understand why he got so angry. I was tired and I didn't call him back. I just wanted to go to sleep and he says I was purposely being malicious and not calling him back. He says i am crazy and annoying and he is right. I can't help myself. When he blocks me I even create new emails and skype names just to try to fix things and make him happy with me again. It does the opposite. I don't know what to do to make myself get through this. I feel like I am grieving a death. Does any of this make sense to anyone else because it doesn't to me. I feel so worthless, alone and just frantic. I have never loved someone so much and been so rejected by someone before. All my past relationships were not like this. When it came time to break up it was always mutual. There were no fights or drama. I don't know why I am different over this guy. I can't afford to get counseling and i don't know what to do with myself.

This guy is emotionally abusive. You should be happy he broke up and blocked you and you should not make any attempts to get him back. He is making you feel like you are crazy and is trying to make you jump through hoops for nothing.

Walk away and move on. Keep him blocked, and when he tries to contact you, do not contact him. Break it off once and for all. You should not be begging for this jacka**’s attention.

This guy is emotionally abusive and highly manipulative.

This is a toxic/sick relationship. I suggest you block him, and never speak with him again. Stop tolerating this abuse.

You need to Google "emotional abuse" and "emotional dependency." They will help you understand that the way you are feeling is because this guy has been emotionally abusing you and you have developed an emotional dependency on him, this is why you keep wanting to get back with him. This is a very toxic relationship. Do not let him back into your life and do not go back to him no matter what. You need to go No Contact and stay that way.

You will eventually begin to feel better. As therapy, you need to hang out with your friends, go walking, get out in nature, do fun things, and try to put this guy in your rear-view mirror.

Thank all of you who posted in this thread. You have no idea what it was like to read that you didn't think I was crazy. I looked up emotional abuse and i sat here both is shock that i have been stupid enough not to see it myself and relief to finally see it. Have any of you ever been through this? If so will i ever be me again?

You absolutely will. You need to get away from this creep. Pronto! Block and delete.

I would suggest you get some counseling and lean on friends and family for support.

He will never change. Do not believe him when he comes back begging. This is who he is.

I looked up emotional abuse and i sat here both is shock that i have been stupid enough not to see it myself and relief to finally see it.

Well, you're not stupid. You just didn't know better. Now that you know what is happening, you can do something. Yes, you can be you again, but you have to get out of this relationship for that to be possible. Also, you have to learn that the intense need you feel for him is not love. A good book for you to read might be The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck.

His punishing ways are abusive and if you take a hard look at the dynamic what he does wears you down and breaks you.

Each time you reconcile you do it from an emotionally beaten, one down position.

Healthy mature adults dont have irrational conflicts. If theres an issue they listen to each other respectfully and work together for a resolution. They don't abandon their partner and they don't punish them.

This guy is abusive and is conditioning you.

This is typical of an emotional abuser. He knows exactly what he is doing and he knows you will play right into his hand each and every time.

You as the victim will begin to become somewhat addicted to him and the drama, you will feel the need to prove yourself to him, to make things right, to love him enough so he will accept you again and love you again.

No doubt he will also make you feel sorry for him and he will manipulate you by going on about how depressed he is (if you don't come running like he's used to).

Don't buy into it or him!

He is extremely toxic and he is enjoying this game of making you pay and punish you for any wrong doings he might see as wrong doings.

Your mind will even fool you that you need him or that you really do love him and can't be without him.

Break the cycle!!

Tell yourself that you do not need him, tell yourself this a hundred times a day if you need to.

Delete and block him.

Do not allow him to play with your head or your emotions no matter what messages he sends out.

He is trying to control you and make you think it's your fault. Be stronger than his sick mind games.

The best thing you can do is get away from him and stay away from him.

It doesn't need to be like this, love should never be toxic like this, or painful like this.

What were they like?

All my past relationships were not like this.

My past relationships were always calm and fun. I was always allowed to be myself and cared about because i was myself. There was never so much jealousy or anger. Sure I have had my fair share of relationship arguments but they were for normal reasons which resolved quickly. I am actually friends with many of the people I have dated. I had never felt crazy or overly attached to anyone before. I some how thought that my overwhelming need to be near him was because he was "The one" and that's why i had never felt that way before. I have done a great deal of thinking over the last few days and reading all the online information has really opened my eyes. I feel slightly empowered and I pray that it continues. I do not feel like i have to talk to him this morning. Normally he would be the first person i wake up and say good morning to. Today I plan to reconnect with my friends. He always found reasons to hate my friends and picked out all their flaws. I miss them and I am sure they do not understand what happened to me. I just dropped off the face of the earth. I have had no support system of friends to talk to for over a year. I didn't even realize that I had stopped living my own life. I haven't went out shopping or had dinner after work with friends in so long. Those were things I did weekly and I didn't even realize I had stopped. I know how crazy that sounds to think that someone just lost track of their own life but i have.

You can get "you" back...but ONLY if you remove this abusive man from your life.

One thing that might help is realizing he enjoys abusing you. Yes, he does! That's why he does it. Because he likes it. How does that make you feel?

It's time to get to a doctor and get evaluated if there is a sudden shift in your level of relating to people, social interactions, and now there is withdrawal, isolation and obsessive thinking. You can't blame anyone else for these symptoms unless you are being held at gunpoint to remain in a bad situation.

My past relationships were always calm and fun.

 

I had never felt crazy or overly attached to anyone before. I have had no support system of friends to talk to for over a year. I haven't went out shopping or had dinner after work with friends in so long.I know how crazy that sounds to think that someone just lost track of their own life but i have.

All the commenters are correct. I have been through something like this. He is conditioning you with these silent treatments. It is emotional abuse. He knows you are suffering. It’s very manipulative and controlling and he will come right back around when he feels like it. Please don’t play along with these games. It’s very hard, but try your best not to allow your emotions to control you. Read, read, and read as much as you can about emotional abuse.

You’re not crazy, worthless, or alone. These are the things he wants you to feel. You are reacting to his toxic behavior. Healthy adults do not behave this way.

I too have been through this. I lived with this person and had a baby with him. These people will take you away from your friends and family. They are miserable themselves and want you to be miserable. They want to control you, make you feel afraid and blame you for everything and anything. You are in a good position because you don’t live with him, and he already blocked you. So block him. Don’t let him contact you. He is a bad guy.

It's time to get to a doctor and get evaluated if there is a sudden shift in your level of relating to people, social interactions, and now there is withdrawal, isolation and obsessive thinking. You can't blame anyone else for these symptoms unless you are being held at gunpoint to remain in a bad situation.

Since my post I did seek professional help. I wanted to share this with you because it could be very important to help others. My spiral was due to the emotional abuse of my now ex boyfriend. According to the shrink He had alienated me from all my friends and family in order to control me. She said that I complied with this because I loved him and it was easier to just do what he said than deal with his angry. I am slowly becoming more and more my old self but she does say it will take time. I have noticed that I am always saying I am sorry to everyone for things that are not my fault. I am now trying to break that habit. I know it seems unfair to blame another person for your problems BUT its true. A person can manipulate you to the point that you lose your own identity. I have since found out that he would use these little break ups and blow us as a chance to sleep with other women. The last one was so that he could sleep with an 18 year old girl at work. This forum was a blessing in my life and I hope other women who are suffering as I was will visit this. Anyone who reads this and feels like they are losing their mind please know that you aren't but if you do not get away from your abuser it could cost you your life. Abuse is abuse no matter what form it comes in. The most important thing to know is that if someone loves you they will not force you to give up friends and family that love you. Once they remove your loved ones from your life they are free to make you believe you are human garbage. Something else that I failed to mention in my post. He and I are middle aged and both have been through divorce. I should have been wise enough to see through all this but I was not. I had never been in a toxic relationship before and I pray that I never meet anyone like him again. I can tell you that I will see the signs if I ever do. Thank you all so much for your help and positivity.

A person can manipulate you to the point that you lose your own identity.

Yup. 100% true and there's tons of evidence to prove it.

Great to hear that you are doing well. Keep up the good work! :)

Dont get his trap... If his family is good.. Means that you can rely on his family.. 1.you can Chat along..heart to heart talk..

2.Doesn't rely on your boyfriend's income..

You can think about him and get married.. In case your. Marriage failed.. You still have your baby and his family.

But if he doesn't have no. 1&2..please leave him! You will get divorce if anything occur

I have been with this guy for over two years. Every time we fight he blocks me on all forms of communication. The fights are always over stupid small things. I feel so lost and he keeps it that way for days until he feels like I have suffered enough or I tell him I am sorry. Sometimes i don't even know or understand what I have done. Yesterday he broke up with me and blocked me. I feel like I am going insane. I have called his phone and sent texts begging him to talk to me. I know he has me blocked and can't get them but I still can't help myself but send them. The fight was so stupid and I don't even understand why he got so angry. I was tired and I didn't call him back. I just wanted to go to sleep and he says I was purposely being malicious and not calling him back. He says i am crazy and annoying and he is right. I can't help myself. When he blocks me I even create new emails and skype names just to try to fix things and make him happy with me again. It does the opposite. I don't know what to do to make myself get through this. I feel like I am grieving a death. Does any of this make sense to anyone else because it doesn't to me. I feel so worthless, alone and just frantic. I have never loved someone so much and been so rejected by someone before. All my past relationships were not like this. When it came time to break up it was always mutual. There were no fights or drama. I don't know why I am different over this guy. I can't afford to get counseling and i don't know what to do with myself.