Frienzoned??

Hey all,

If you have read my previous post, I weren't sure if someone I had known for a while liked me or not. There is a lot of conflicting feelings and thoughts with this friendship and after breaking up with my partner it feels nice to experience something new, even if i'm trying to figure it all out?!

Anyway, we met up last week after not seeing each other in person for a long time (but we spoke over the phone most days for a few hours at a time) and there was a lot of hugging, wrapped arms around one another every now and then. When we left there was a hand grab and a long lingering hug. After he left he wanted to talk more less straight after which I found strange. I didn't call till later that evening to chat for a hour after he messaged me asking me to call him.

Fast forward to today, He wanted me to ring him and we spoke for a bit. This is where I start to get confused and feel as if I've taken all this the wrong way and I've actually been friend zoned? He started to talk about this girl he met the other day (i know of her and knew that they were meeting) and that she was flirting with him, he admitted that he fancied her and he don't know if he should pursue even though she isn't single and he asked me if he should go for it. I was admittedly a bit upset but that i think comes from me feeling a bit knocked back at that point. I told him that it is down for him to decide as I wasn't there in the situation and left it at that. The whole convo was him talking about her and how she looked and how their conversation flowed etc I started to feel really uncomfortable and a little bit stupid for believing that he would even be the slightest bit interested in me. After a while talking he started to say things like 'I really do care a lot about you' 'I've been dying to talk to you' (Even though we spoke yesterday) He also was talking about meeting up again and he wants to take me somewhere nice. I feel really confused right now. Am I thinking too much into this... again?

B x

Sorry to hear this. Your instincts are correct. Unfortunately, when someone asks you for "dating advice", it's friendzone with a capital "F".

If you are ok with just friends, then carry on but if you have feelings and this stings, it may be time to distance yourself a bit and start dating other men.

He started to talk about this girl he met the other day and that she was flirting with him, he admitted that he fancied her and he don't know if he should pursue even though she isn't single and he asked me if he should go for it.

Yup, Wiseman is right. Just be careful that he doesn't come back to you if things with this other girl doesn't work out. You don't want him in a rebound relationship.

Yeah. I’m trying to keep my distance just so I don’t end up hurt or more confused but again I still am. He messaged me today letting me know he was thinking of me all day. I keep getting all these mixed signals and I don’t know how to handle it

It's not just the friendzone, but it's that kind of friendzone that he feels entitled to play with your head and give you mixed signals. Trust me, it's the worst kind.

In my experience, guys like this know you have a crush on him and it's a great ego boost, so he wants you around on his terms, not as a gf. He gives you those little tidbits so that you'll stick around as his fan, but he's being self-centered and couldn't care less that you're wasting your time because you have different goals.

A guy who is into you will make it crystal clear, and will attempt to snap you up before any other man can. Every moment you spend your time and emotional energy into him could be spent with friends you don't have a crush on, and doing activities where you can meet single, available guys your age. Because believe me, when he does get a girlfriend, you will be shoved way back on the back burner. You're driving the bus, so it's time to leave him at the bus stop and let him eat your exhaust fumes.

This makes so much sense. I’ve spoken to my mum about this and I think I’m overthinking but she said she would feel the same way too. I feel like I’m back on the playground and it’s all these games.

I’ve spoken to him on the phone today and again so many mixed signals. So as from today I’m taking the backseat on this all. I’m not gonna be “available” when he needs to me to be.

It’s all very confusing as I don’t think it’s a crush I have on him. I notice that he has a lot of similarities to my ex so this is why it’s so familiar. I guess it’s something I naturally clung too for it’s familiarity and the feelings that go with it but the deeper I delve into it all I don’t truly like him like that.

His mixed signals really don’t help me in trying to work out what is going on and it does toy with me slightly - I just don’t know why?! It’s just another problem I have to figure out. Haha

It sounds like you solved the issue about why you cling to him.

similarities to my ex