How to politely tell my ex boss to shut her pie hole

I am sure many of you know I started my own daycare and gave my boss notice of 6 weeks. I hired my best friend to work with me who also worked at the same centre I did. My former boss is now acting like we are indentured servants or something . She has been at the both of us ,”why can’t one of you work for me on Friday why can’t one of you work for me and just work for the other one necessary . “ I cant hire anybody because nobody wants this job. Etc etc...

And then she starts talking to my best friend about my personal life . Saying how I took my son for an expensive weekend for his 21st birthday . And how if I’m starting my own business to pay off my bills I shouldn’t be doing that blah blah blah ...

She is now crossing the line and making me very angry . So far I’ve been very congenial as I do not want to burn bridges and I still work there in the evenings . But if she makes me much angrier I’m not going to be a very pleasant. No I’m certainly not diplomatic when angry .

You might have to suck it up if you continue to work there. Same as your friend.

Once your established and you can officially tell her to "Shut your pie hole" then you can. Until then, just ignore her.

You might have to suck it up if you continue to work there. Same as your friend.

 

Once your established and you can officially tell her to "Shut your pie hole" then you can. Until then, just ignore her.

I am established and my daycare is full. I work there at night for extra cash. Basically my husband and I are workaholics . I could afford not to work there at night now but I just do it anyway . Just may do it until Christmas is over and then tell them to suck eggs . I just hate leaving an employment on bad terms .

Oh wow even better! Then you can tell her to "Shut your Pie Hole" but in a nice direct way. Your ex-boss is just being an egg and you obviously have nothing to lose by standing up for yourself.

If she gets all butt-hurt then that's her problem.

Well, Miss Manners would tell you to kill her with kindness. Your friend and you need to coordinate your actions. Just agree with her. Tell her she's right. You're both ingrates. Humor her.

She's being passive-aggressive. Obviously, you guys have probably been running the business for her and she's freaking out over what she's going to do. You should pity her. Just treat her like a petulant child. Take the high road. Just agree, agree agree. Then she won't have anything to accuse you of.

Oh wow even better! Then you can tell her to "Shut your Pie Hole" but in a nice direct way. Your ex-boss is just being an egg and you obviously have nothing to lose by standing up for yourself.

 

If she gets all butt-hurt then that's her problem.

Right.

Pretty much.

Well, Miss Manners would tell you to kill her with kindness. Your friend and you need to coordinate your actions. Just agree with her. Tell her she's right. You're both ingrates. Humor her.

 

She's being passive-aggressive. Obviously, you guys have probably been running the business for her and she's freaking out over what she's going to do. You should pity her. Just treat her like a petulant child. Take the high road. Just agree, agree agree. Then she won't have anything to accuse you of.

She would know that is sarcasm coming from me. I am pretty much what you see is what you get . Thing is she relied exclusively on me for almost 5 years . I jumped whenever she called . I am the kind of person who is 150% in or 150% out . Now I am out. What my job was casual you got offered what was available . You could have 60 hours or six nothing was ever guaranteed no raise was ever going to be offered because our executive director is a t.... they dropped the ball all the time . So I finally had to say sorry I’m not going to go bankrupt for you people I’m striking out on my own . And I’m helping a friend out at the same time .

Her going after my personal life is a low blow . Especially what I paid for my child’s birthday. Nobody goes after my child unless they want to be strung up .

don't burn bridges ever - if possible. best advice ever.

I would highly recommend not sayign anythign too bad to them (to give them fuel) because you and them are essentially competitors. the BEST way to get back a them is put them out of business and take their clients. see ? :) That ain't going to happen if word gets out that you told anybody ina professional environment to "suck eggs" (or make up your own quote you'd think you say) lol. (alternatively, maybe yo could hire others from this daycare for your own when it grows - let this boss back herself into a corner and make herself look bad and make everybody realize they'd rather work at YOUR daycare because you're more professional and took the high road).

These specific examples may not be perttinent to your situation but are examples of why you "never burn bridges". You just never know when and where and in what form help and success will come from.

don't think small. think big.

good luck with your new daycare.

don't burn bridges ever - if possible. best advice ever.

 

I would highly recommend not sayign anythign too bad to them (to give them fuel) because you and them are essentially competitors. the BEST way to get back a them is put them out of business and take their clients. see ? :) That ain't going to happen if word gets out that you told anybody ina professional environment to "suck eggs" (or make up your own quote you'd think you say) lol. (alternatively, maybe yo could hire others from this daycare for your own when it grows - let this boss back herself into a corner and make herself look bad and make everybody realize they'd rather work at YOUR daycare because you're more professional and took the high road).

 

These specific examples may not be perttinent to your situation but are examples of why you "never burn bridges". You just never know when and where and in what form help and success will come from.

 

don't think small. think big.

 

good luck with your new daycare.

Well, I can’t put them out of business. They are a daycare and community centre with over 100 kids. I can only have 5. I am no threat to them. But I was the only person they relied on for other casual care department . The casual care department has three employees and I was the only one who could come at a moments notice . And I took one of the three employees with me . So that leaves one person who can’t come all the time . But in reality the work place that I entered five years ago is not even close the one I’m leaving now . It is so different and abominable they don’t even resemble the same thing . And even my boss is one 80% different . I’m just friggin glad to be out .

Be the bigger/better person. Dont say anything other than yes you are right. Move on. Do your hours and go home. Dont work evenings for her. Start to reclaim your own life one day at a time.

Agree about not burning bridges.

Just don't respond. At all. Whatever you hear from her, you'll have to let it go in one ear & out the other. Annoying as it is, you'll just have to let her sound like an idiot, while you literally say, not one word. The more she talks, the stupider she'll look to whoever she's talking to.

I'd figure out a time where I'd stop working there. If you really don't need the money, how about stopping now? Or finding some part-time work somewhere else? Doesn't have to be a daycare, could be a nighttime retail job, just something to do.

I'd get my little behind as far away from this toxic woman as possible.

not immediately no... but business success is LONG-TERM, not immediate.

like i said those SPECIFCI examples may not be IMMEDIATELY pertinent - they're just examples of why you don't burn bridges.

Given this is a "professional" quarrel - your best course is to be the "better professional" here. Really.

True. Just remain professional no matter how stupid she is being.

I think I am really hurt because I considered her a friend and thought she respected and appreciated me. I come to find out when push comes to shove, no, she doesn’t. As my mom says the measure of character comes when the chips are down.

I was so upset today it drove my blood pressure to 175/125.

Is it really worth a few extra dollars to put up with all this? Including putting your health at risk?

Is it really worth a few extra dollars to put up with all this? Including putting your health at risk?

Probably not. Now I only work her 3 wed nights a month which she is not there for. Other than that I work for another dept at night that has nothing to do with her.

I you are just working there to do it and not because you absolutely need the money, why do it? Why subject yourself to that? use the time in the evenings to have a date night, etc. Or find a hobby. Too much turmoil and you don't HAVE to deal with it, you know?

I know you guys are right. I will think the weekend on it.

I did block her and the micromanager on FB.

I have to admit, I giggled when I read the title of the thread; I often envision telling people to "shut your piehole!" It's quite satisfying to imagine, isn't it?

I agree with the others -- don't confront her. But...at the same time, don't entertain any of her nonsense. Just completely ignore it. Often, that's the best way to shut certain types of people down, particularly the martyr type, the attention-seeking type, and the petty, complains-about-everything type; it sounds like your boss may be a combination of all three of these.

Silence speaks volumes. Be cordial. No need to be friendly -- just appropriately cordial for the setting-- and do your work without reacting to her at all. It might make her mad, but that's her problem, and getting mad when you're just minding your own business will only make her look foolish.

Congratulations on your new business! I have just been reading a few posts about it. It sounds GREAT! I'm impressed with how quickly and efficiently you were able to put it all together, and it sounds as though it's already going really well!

She has been at the both of us ,”why can’t one of you work for me on Friday why can’t one of you work for me and just work for the other one necessary . “ I cant hire anybody because nobody wants this job. Etc etc...

"Look, I hear. And, I'm also here helping you to the best of my ability. But if the price of doing business with you is that you want me to solve issues beyond my control, then I'm not up for that. So let's agree to keep that stuff off table, can we?"

And then she starts talking to my best friend about my personal life . Saying how I took my son for an expensive weekend for his 21st birthday . And how if I’m starting my own business to pay off my bills I shouldn’t be doing that blah blah blah ...

"Best friend, you mean the world to me, and I trust that you are capable of handling Whatusurname any way you see fit--including stopping her if she raises my name with a fair warning that you won't listen to gossip about me. I will do the same for you, and let's agree that we won't bring back any tales to one another because we're going to stop them, instead."

She is now crossing the line and making me very angry . So far I’ve been very congenial as I do not want to burn bridges and I still work there in the evenings . But if she makes me much angrier I’m not going to be a very pleasant. No I’m certainly not diplomatic when angry .

Decide whether you are overstaying your own welcome in order to effect a dramatic break. Lots of people do this subconsciously--they stoke up enough resentment in order to cut a clean cord. The problem is, it's a dismal way to break with people when we can otherwise kindly walk away without creating an enemy in the world--especially one who shares your community and who's path you're likely to cross in the future.

You're the one with the upper hand in this scenario, so decide how much involvement you want to keep. Then address issues to fix them rather than setting yourself up for an abused martyr role. That's the stuff that only looks holy on vellum, while in real life it's not practical and nobody gets a win.

Head high, and either fix this or walk away from it. You are smart enough to do either.

I agree that you are the one with the upper hand at this moment. (She said "I cant hire anybody because nobody wants this job.") You don't need to say a thing. Your successful daycare says it all. Stay professional, don't badmouth her, and don't listen to the gossip. You don't have to defend or explain your personal life, just carry on with the life that is right for you. Maybe, someday, somehow, she'll learn by example.

Oh , I do have the upper hand believe me. I could report them for things they are doing against their liscence that I am not doing.