Boyfriend is married

I’ve been seeing this guy for a year now. We are on a trip to Montreal. Last night as we are crossing the border into Canada from the U.S. they make us get out of the car to go inside while they search our car. We’re heading inside and he looks at me and tell me his name is actually Louis not Danny (which is what I’ve been calling him for an entire year). After they’re done searching the car and we’re back on the road I’m questioning him about why he lied about his name. He eventually looks at me and tells me “look, I’m just going to come clean - I’m married”. He tells me it’s a ty marriage and he’s doing for his kids because he doesn’t want to lose them. I lost my mind.

We got in late last night to our Airbnb so I haven’t had time to digest this and I just woke up. I’m in shock and I’m not sure what my next move is.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this I just can’t tell my friends or family yet.

I feel like such a fool.

You know what your next move is. I am “ doing it for the kids” is the WORST reason possible to stay together . Because then you’re giving children a crappy example of what love and marriage is.

And you don’t know if it’s a crappy marriage . He’s already approved he’s a cheater and a lying sack as well. Do yourself a favour and leave .

I'm so sorry! That's terrible.

Whose vehicle did you bring? I think the next move would be exiting the situation for your own safety. This is a massive lie about his very identity. Better safe than risk this.

A few options : getting a flight home. Getting a different hotel room for yourself where he does not know your whereabouts.

And if you need money or anything from friends or family, don't hesitate to call them up! I know I'd do it in a second to make sure a loved one was safe.

I'm not trying to alarm you. I know you are in shock. Let us know how you are.

I’ve been seeing this guy for a year now. We are on a trip to Montreal. Last night as we are crossing the border into Canada from the U.S. they make us get out of the car to go inside while they search our car. We’re heading inside and he looks at me and tell me his name is actually Louis not Danny (which is what I’ve been calling him for an entire year). After they’re done searching the car and we’re back on the road I’m questioning him about why he lied about his name. He eventually looks at me and tells me “look, I’m just going to come clean - I’m married”. He tells me it’s a ty marriage and he’s doing for his kids because he doesn’t want to lose them. I lost my mind.

 

We got in late last night to our Airbnb so I haven’t had time to digest this and I just woke up. I’m in shock and I’m not sure what my next move is.

 

I don’t even know why I’m writing this I just can’t tell my friends or family yet.

 

I feel like such a fool.

What does "ty marriage" mean?

Look, I agree with itsallgrand.......not to alarm you, but you need to get to safety immediately.

Contact the Canadian police. Take a taxi or car service to a police station. This person has lied about his very identity; who knows what else he has lied about.

I am not trying to scare you, but this is serious business.

I agree. Get away while you can.

A bad word. He said it was a “crappy marriage”

I can hear him waking up. I don’t even know what to say to him. He doesn’t even seem sorry. He kept asking me what difference does it make and that everything between us was real this past year. I know it’s not true but it amazes me that he shows so little remorse... as soon as he told me it was almost like he blamed me. He told me that deep down I had to know.

I'm so sorry! That's terrible.

 

Whose vehicle did you bring? I think the next move would be exiting the situation for your own safety. This is a massive lie about his very identity. Better safe than risk this.

 

A few options : getting a flight home. Getting a different hotel room for yourself where he does not know your whereabouts.

 

And if you need money or anything from friends or family, don't hesitate to call them up! I know I'd do it in a second to make sure a loved one was safe.

 

I'm not trying to alarm you. I know you are in shock. Let us know how you are.

I don’t want to tell my family yet... we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

I don’t want to tell my family yet... we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

If he is showing no remorse at all and this is your fault. Honey please get out. Get a cab to the nearest police station and maybe ask to be dropped at the border. Call your family and get them to pick you up.

What else do you need to know? Get out of there asap.

Find a way to get money and get back home.

This isn't about your humility, this is about your safety. You have no idea who this man is, if he could be dangerous, or what his real story is.

Contact your family, get money and get out of there.

Please do this as soon as you can. Your safety is much more important than anything else.

Also if this is your fault you can imagine what his wife faces . It is not a crappy marriage he’s a crappy man.

I don’t want to tell my family yet... we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

Please do go to the Canadian police and contact your family. Please. Something is really wrong about the entire scenario here, concerning this guy. It's very off. His suspicious behavior (lying about his name to you, nervous about this possible revelation in front of authority figures) and complete sociopathic lack of empathy (no remorse, even entitlement to you being okay with such a devastating outcome) has me very concerned for you. He isn't right in the head, my dear. I'm getting a really eerie feeling.

I agree, somethings not right, sweetheart. Get help as soon as you can. I am getting bad vibes from this too.

What do you mean you do not know what you next move his! He has lied and cheated on you for AN ENTIRE YEAR!

This guy is a real sleaze bag. I really feel for you, the wife and kids. If he cared about his kids, he would not be cheating.

Ask your parents to buy you a ticket.

If he is so capable of lying consistently one whole year, you better get on a bus and go home. I mean, he can be a sociopath for all you know.

Isn't this the same charmer that called you the C word. He also din't give a damn when you lost your pet.

I believe we all told you to get away from him some time ago.

Sorry this happened. You've never been to his home? End it. The whole thing is a sham.

I’ve been seeing this guy for a year now. he looks at me and tell me his name is actually Louis not Danny. He eventually looks at me and tells me “look, I’m just going to come clean - I’m married”.

I don’t want to tell my family yet... we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

I understand.

Here's what I'd do . Make an excuse- like going around the corner to get a coffee. Make sure you have all your documents ( passport, ID), phone, wallet.

When you are away from him, call the police or get in a cab to the nearest station. Do you have some money on you?

From there they can help you figure this out and get back home.

Can you come back home by your own means? You don't know whatelse he's been lying about. There can be much more. For your own safety the first thing would be trying to get out of this trip with him and go home and then break off all contact with him and block him. You might also benefit from therapy because this type of betrayal can be hard to process alone.

But please don't feel like a fool or that it's your fault! This is all about him and his dishonest ways and there are many scammers out there who can trick people on even bigger lies. Its all about their talent of deceiving people. Most people wouldn't suspect their boyfriend is using a fake name. It's not the first thing that comes to one's mind.

A bad word. He said it was a “crappy marriage”

 

I can hear him waking up. I don’t even know what to say to him. He doesn’t even seem sorry. He kept asking me what difference does it make and that everything between us was real this past year. I know it’s not true but it amazes me that he shows so little remorse... as soon as he told me it was almost like he blamed me. He told me that deep down I had to know.

Don't fall for his guilt trips. This is how manipulative cheaters act. He's going to keep on gaslighting and turning the blame on you. This is the worst kind of person.

Ask to go home early. If he won't, do not sleep with him and stick it out, keeping it cool and calm until you are back home.

Do not panic and create drama, that is never the smart route out of a dicey situation. Dump him asap when you get back safely.

Right now, delete and block him and all his people from all social media. Never date abusive creeps for trips, dinners and money. Get a part time job or apply for more financial assistance. You don't have to tell your family.

we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

OP, since you don't have the means to get home, contact your dad, tell him what happened, and he will purchase your flight ticket home (an e-ticket). And/or wire money.

Say nothing to this lying ****, take a cab to the airport, get on the flight, and never see or speak to him again.

I'm sorry this happened.

Edit: Don't be embarrassed to tell family. That's what they're for, to help and support you.

You could go to the police, but frankly, not sure what they could do for you, he hasn't committed a crime or threatened you. He's just a lying POS.

I would turn to fsmily first, but you do what's most comfortable. Important thing is just getting out of there asap.

Here's what I'd do . Make an excuse- like going around the corner to get a coffee. Make sure you have all your documents ( passport, ID), phone, wallet.

When you are away from him, call the police or get in a cab to the nearest station. Do you have some money on you?

 

From there they can help you figure this out and get back home.

^^^ Please follow this advice.

Please do not stay one more minute there.

I'm not trying to scare you, but this is a very serious matter.

I agree with Katrina. This is not the time to worry about saving face. Call home and get help to get home.

I wouldn't even take the time to make a phone call. Seriously. I'd get out of that place with him, immediately, and get yourself to police, somehow. Please.

I don’t want to tell my family yet... we took his car. And I’m a broke college student I can’t afford a plane ticket home or another place to stay.

Call your family. Maybe they can wire you money to go home. I know its embarrassing but family has unconditional love.

In time of need. Your family is there to help.

I have a daughter. If she was ever in trouble. I would want her to contact me for help.