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My girl and I have been together for 8 months. I am her first trans boyfriend. She has always dated guys never been apart of the lgbt community. To me being apart of this community is a huge deal and every time I bring the community up or even talk about my transition she gets uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and she stated she struggles to comfort and admit she’s in a trans relationship. I know we haven’t been together long but I honestly believe she’s the one and Idk what to do. It’s starting to bother me.

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Hmm. Has this anything to do with the 2 messages you read from her phone? Anyways, why is it important for her to stress to people that she's in a trans relationship? Wouldn't you want people to accept you for you? As a person and not as a thing? Don't you want to fit into society rather than be singled out? There's only so much anyone can say about it until it gets boring. Try concentrating on discussing your relationship or anything else.

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she is faking it and doesn't truly understand the dynamics of your situation. Perhaps she is too immature. End it before you get hurt and continue getting support from the LGBTQ community.

I am her first trans boyfriend. She has always dated guys never been apart of the lgbt community. To me being apart of this community is a huge deal and every time I bring the community up or even talk about my transition she gets uncomfortable.
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ok.. so.. 2 separate concpets going on here. I"ll address them separately:

1. it is not for YOU to tell her how to manage how she manages what she communicates to other peeople about YOU and your relationship. It is somethign new for her, probably something she never thought she'd have to address - and thus everybody needs to figure it out themselves in that capacity. YOU are COMPLETELY wrong for forcing her to have to announce what you are or who she's with when it comes to PRIVATE details like that. YOU are wrong for that.. which may have lead to #2

 

2. you do need to break up with her if this is the "2 unsettling messages on the phone" girl. Its possible that you pushed her away enough that she felt more comfortable talking to ex's and feeling "normal" again, in a situation she's more comfortable in. But yes you need to break up.

 

DONT' EVER tell people what to do, how to manage their situations, or how to handle how they deal with their family and friends over you relationship. NEVER. Those are HER family and friends - that SHE must deal with forever whether she's with you or not. YOU have no say in that and shouldnt' push it because it's what YOU want. Understand?

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OP, being trans is a HUGE part of your identity and one you are just starting to fully explore via your transition. If your girlfriend is unwilling to aknowledge the nature of the relationship, then I think that will ultimately hold you back in your own personal journey. It's not about running through the streets yelling 'I'm trans' but being proud of who you are and having the person you are with feel the same. If she cannot feel comfortable identifying the relationship then I would walk away.

 

I am bi, and my husband knows that he is in a relationship with someone who is part of the LGBT community. Despite being in a 'straight' relationship, I am still a part of that community and my husband by extension is as well. If he tried to erase my identity by saying 'well you picked your side, so now you have to be straight' I wouldn't have stayed.

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ok.. so.. 2 separate concpets going on here. I"ll address them separately:

1. it is not for YOU to tell her how to manage how she manages what she communicates to other peeople about YOU and your relationship. It is somethign new for her, probably something she never thought she'd have to address - and thus everybody needs to figure it out themselves in that capacity. YOU are COMPLETELY wrong for forcing her to have to announce what you are or who she's with when it comes to PRIVATE details like that. YOU are wrong for that.. which may have lead to #2

 

2. you do need to break up with her if this is the "2 unsettling messages on the phone" girl. Its possible that you pushed her away enough that she felt more comfortable talking to ex's and feeling "normal" again, in a situation she's more comfortable in. But yes you need to break up.

 

DONT' EVER tell people what to do, how to manage their situations, or how to handle how they deal with their family and friends over you relationship. NEVER. Those are HER family and friends - that SHE must deal with forever whether she's with you or not. YOU have no say in that and shouldnt' push it because it's what YOU want. Understand?

 

They have been together EIGHT friggin months, she should be open about it! Should she have to wait five years before this girl is comfortable? If she is not comfortable with it, then she should move on.

 

Bottom line, this is not a good relationship. It is comprised of secrecy, lies and cheating.

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isn't there a difference between "acknowledging your relationship" and HOW she communciates it to her family? She's acknowledging the realtionships no? She just isn't comfy with telling them that her new partner is a trans.. no?

Or did i misunderstand? apologies if i did.

 

She said "people."

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My girl and I have been together for 8 months. I am her first trans boyfriend. She has always dated guys never been apart of the lgbt community. To me being apart of this community is a huge deal and every time I bring the community up or even talk about my transition she gets uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and she stated she struggles to comfort and admit she’s in a trans relationship. I know we haven’t been together long but I honestly believe she’s the one and Idk what to do. It’s starting to bother me.

 

You have no choice but to let her be her. If her disposition doesn't work for you, you should move on. You can't control how other people think or feel. But you can find someone who thinks in a way that you're more comfortable with.

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ok.. so.. 2 separate concpets going on here. I"ll address them separately:

1. it is not for YOU to tell her how to manage how she manages what she communicates to other peeople about YOU and your relationship. It is somethign new for her, probably something she never thought she'd have to address - and thus everybody needs to figure it out themselves in that capacity. YOU are COMPLETELY wrong for forcing her to have to announce what you are or who she's with when it comes to PRIVATE details like that. YOU are wrong for that.. which may have lead to #2

 

2. you do need to break up with her if this is the "2 unsettling messages on the phone" girl. Its possible that you pushed her away enough that she felt more comfortable talking to ex's and feeling "normal" again, in a situation she's more comfortable in. But yes you need to break up.

 

DONT' EVER tell people what to do, how to manage their situations, or how to handle how they deal with their family and friends over you relationship. NEVER. Those are HER family and friends - that SHE must deal with forever whether she's with you or not. YOU have no say in that and shouldnt' push it because it's what YOU want. Understand?

 

I completely agree with everything you said. I’ve never pushed her to do anything. I don’t want her to tell everybody me I’m trans. The only thing I’ve ever asked of her it to at least say yes I’m in a relationship. That’s the only thing. I have never made her do anything. I want her to be comfortable with me at her own pace. I have even left to give her space so she can figure out whether she wants to be with me. I agree with you. I would never force her to do anything.

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isn't there a difference between "acknowledging your relationship" and HOW she communciates it to her family? She's acknowledging the realtionships no? She just isn't comfy with telling them that her new partner is a trans.. no?

Or did i misunderstand? apologies if i did.

 

She’s just not acknowledging the relationship. I just want her to tell people when they ask or try to hit on her that she’s in a relationship. Point blank that simple but she won’t.

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She’s just not acknowledging the relationship. I just want her to tell people when they ask or try to hit on her that she’s in a relationship. Point blank that simple but she won’t.

 

I understand that you really like her, but you do have to get real about what she is doing (or not doing). It's a difficult lesson to learn, but you can't change people. To make matters worse, you will run into people that claim they want to change, but are really just lying to themselves and others for some pathological, irreparable reason. The sooner you can accept this (not necessarily understand, but accept), the better off you will be.

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