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Thread: Trans relationship

  1. #11
    Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    isn't there a difference between "acknowledging your relationship" and HOW she communciates it to her family? She's acknowledging the realtionships no? She just isn't comfy with telling them that her new partner is a trans.. no?
    Or did i misunderstand? apologies if i did.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    ok.. so.. 2 separate concpets going on here. I"ll address them separately:
    1. it is not for YOU to tell her how to manage how she manages what she communicates to other peeople about YOU and your relationship. It is somethign new for her, probably something she never thought she'd have to address - and thus everybody needs to figure it out themselves in that capacity. YOU are COMPLETELY wrong for forcing her to have to announce what you are or who she's with when it comes to PRIVATE details like that. YOU are wrong for that.. which may have lead to #2

    2. you do need to break up with her if this is the "2 unsettling messages on the phone" girl. Its possible that you pushed her away enough that she felt more comfortable talking to ex's and feeling "normal" again, in a situation she's more comfortable in. But yes you need to break up.

    DONT' EVER tell people what to do, how to manage their situations, or how to handle how they deal with their family and friends over you relationship. NEVER. Those are HER family and friends - that SHE must deal with forever whether she's with you or not. YOU have no say in that and shouldnt' push it because it's what YOU want. Understand?
    They have been together EIGHT friggin months, she should be open about it! Should she have to wait five years before this girl is comfortable? If she is not comfortable with it, then she should move on.

    Bottom line, this is not a good relationship. It is comprised of secrecy, lies and cheating.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    isn't there a difference between "acknowledging your relationship" and HOW she communciates it to her family? She's acknowledging the realtionships no? She just isn't comfy with telling them that her new partner is a trans.. no?
    Or did i misunderstand? apologies if i did.
    She said "people."

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HEsmith99
    My girl and I have been together for 8 months. I am her first trans boyfriend. She has always dated guys never been apart of the lgbt community. To me being apart of this community is a huge deal and every time I bring the community up or even talk about my transition she gets uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it and she stated she struggles to comfort and admit she’s in a trans relationship. I know we haven’t been together long but I honestly believe she’s the one and Idk what to do. It’s starting to bother me.
    You have no choice but to let her be her. If her disposition doesn't work for you, you should move on. You can't control how other people think or feel. But you can find someone who thinks in a way that you're more comfortable with.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Instead of policing what she says or doesn't say to people, why not just take on the job of telling them yourself? If she has a problem with that, then what should it tell you?

    Head high.

  7. #16
    Member HEsmith99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    ok.. so.. 2 separate concpets going on here. I"ll address them separately:
    1. it is not for YOU to tell her how to manage how she manages what she communicates to other peeople about YOU and your relationship. It is somethign new for her, probably something she never thought she'd have to address - and thus everybody needs to figure it out themselves in that capacity. YOU are COMPLETELY wrong for forcing her to have to announce what you are or who she's with when it comes to PRIVATE details like that. YOU are wrong for that.. which may have lead to #2

    2. you do need to break up with her if this is the "2 unsettling messages on the phone" girl. Its possible that you pushed her away enough that she felt more comfortable talking to ex's and feeling "normal" again, in a situation she's more comfortable in. But yes you need to break up.

    DONT' EVER tell people what to do, how to manage their situations, or how to handle how they deal with their family and friends over you relationship. NEVER. Those are HER family and friends - that SHE must deal with forever whether she's with you or not. YOU have no say in that and shouldnt' push it because it's what YOU want. Understand?
    I completely agree with everything you said. I’ve never pushed her to do anything. I don’t want her to tell everybody me I’m trans. The only thing I’ve ever asked of her it to at least say yes I’m in a relationship. That’s the only thing. I have never made her do anything. I want her to be comfortable with me at her own pace. I have even left to give her space so she can figure out whether she wants to be with me. I agree with you. I would never force her to do anything.

  8. #17
    Member HEsmith99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    isn't there a difference between "acknowledging your relationship" and HOW she communciates it to her family? She's acknowledging the realtionships no? She just isn't comfy with telling them that her new partner is a trans.. no?
    Or did i misunderstand? apologies if i did.
    She’s just not acknowledging the relationship. I just want her to tell people when they ask or try to hit on her that she’s in a relationship. Point blank that simple but she won’t.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HEsmith99
    She’s just not acknowledging the relationship. I just want her to tell people when they ask or try to hit on her that she’s in a relationship. Point blank that simple but she won’t.
    I understand that you really like her, but you do have to get real about what she is doing (or not doing). It's a difficult lesson to learn, but you can't change people. To make matters worse, you will run into people that claim they want to change, but are really just lying to themselves and others for some pathological, irreparable reason. The sooner you can accept this (not necessarily understand, but accept), the better off you will be.

  10. #19
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    What about the cheating?

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