Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 34

Thread: Ladies, what went wrong?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,057
    Gender
    Female
    Sometimes you just know from the get-go (and without meeting in person) whether or not someone is a match, or whether or not you’re interested in getting to know someone on a deeper level.

    For whatever reason, she didn't think you two were a match.

    It doesn't sound like you said or didn't anything wrong. She just wasn't feeling it with you and didn't want to proceed any further, so she was honest with you and upfront about it.

    To be honest, when I read the portion of your original post where you told her she had "limited life experience", I got the feeling you said this to get back at her. You were upset at her for not wanting to meet and continue getting to know each other, so you felt rejected and took a dig/jab at her. It was a form of revenge. You were feeling down, so you wanted to take her down, too.

    By saying this to her, you may have validated her feelings that you two really aren't compatible. At least, if I were her, I know I would have felt this way.

    Whether you want to accept this or not, I think most people would find that your comment was rude and condescending.

    It's one thing to express disappointment in a respectful way, "Oh, that's too bad, I was really hoping to get to know you better, but I respect your decision", as opposed to essentially telling someone how to feel, which is just plain wrong.

    Plus, I'm sure you've found yourself in a similar situation, OP. Maybe you've met a woman who was interested in you, yet you weren't as interested in her. You barely knew each other, and although she wanted to spend some time with you to see if there was a spark, you just knew she wasn't the one for you. We've all been there. Sometimes you just know.

    At the same time, sometimes we’ll meet someone and there’s an immediate spark, connection, chemistry, which we can’t really explain either.
    Last edited by milly007; 10-27-2018 at 12:41 AM.

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    108
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    It's interesting that we all found this comment insulting but he continues to insist it isn't.

    On top of the insult he defends there this total lack of empathy or understanding on how this comes across,
    in spite of the tone it's delivered with.

    You chatted on the phone and face timed. You both decide if it's a go or a no go. She decided that she's not on board.

    She doesn't owe you any explanation other than `we aren't a match' and you aren't entitled to a further explanation.

    People don't like to be put on the spot so they can list all the reasons why they might not have been attracted to you.
    Don't do this.


    Let it go.
    Just because you all found it insulting, doesn't mean you all are right. It doesn't mean i'm right or wrong either. To each their own.
    And just like she believes our personalities don't match, I believe here life experience is limited. At least I had a valid reason to give such comment. But again, to each their own. Simple.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    108
    Originally Posted by milly007
    Sometimes you just know from the get-go (and without meeting in person) whether or not someone is a match, or whether or not you’re interested in getting to know someone on a deeper level.

    For whatever reason, she didn't think you two were a match.

    It doesn't sound like you said or didn't anything wrong. She just wasn't feeling it with you and didn't want to proceed any further, so she was honest with you and upfront about it.

    To be honest, when I read the portion of your original post where you told her she had "limited life experience", I got the feeling you said this to get back at her. You were upset at her for not wanting to meet and continue getting to know each other, so you felt rejected and took a dig/jab at her. It was a form of revenge. You were feeling down, so you wanted to take her down, too.

    By saying this to her, you may have validated her feelings that you two really aren't compatible. At least, if I were her, I know I would have felt this way.

    Whether you want to accept this or not, I think most people would find that your comment was rude and condescending.

    It's one thing to express disappointment in a respectful way, "Oh, that's too bad, I was really hoping to get to know you better, but I respect your decision", as opposed to essentially telling someone how to feel, which is just plain wrong.

    Plus, I'm sure you've found yourself in a similar situation, OP. Maybe you've met a woman who was interested in you, yet you weren't as interested in her. You barely knew each other, and although she wanted to spend some time with you to see if there was a spark, you just knew she wasn't the one for you. We've all been there. Sometimes you just know.

    At the same time, sometimes we’ll meet someone and there’s an immediate spark, connection, chemistry, which we can’t really explain either.
    Probably one of the best and genuine responses on here. I would agree with most of it.
    However, personally I reckon making a decision without meeting a person at least once is a bit jumping the gun. But it is what is.
    With regards to "get back at her", maybe, just maybe I overreacted there and then given that I might've felt somewhat misled. I'm not sure. Maybe my delivery was wrong. As someone mentioned on here, it doesn't matter that I've said it as she has already summed up her mind previously. Thanks for your input.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    29
    Posts
    1,966
    Gender
    Female
    Your comment came off condescending. It doesn't matter how you think, it's all about what is perceived. From your replies, I can tell you're quite a hard person to deal with and would be the type that would always want your way (so rigid and not very easy going). I wouldn't be interested either.


    Humble yourself.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    54
    Posts
    10,388
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by lmasterz
    Probably one of the best and genuine responses on here. I would agree with most of it.
    However, personally I reckon making a decision without meeting a person at least once is a bit jumping the gun. But it is what is.
    With regards to "get back at her", maybe, just maybe I overreacted there and then given that I might've felt somewhat misled. I'm not sure. Maybe my delivery was wrong. As someone mentioned on here, it doesn't matter that I've said it as she has already summed up her mind previously. Thanks for your input.
    I can tell, without meeting first, absolutely. If I have drawn such a conclusion, I do not expect said person - a stranger to me - to question my judgment.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    I don't think it was the age difference. Once we become adults, 7 years is nothing.

    It's impossible to know what turned her off, but based on the response you gave when she politely told you she didn't want to pursue, I would venture to guess she sensed something in your personality (from the get go) that didn't fit quite right with hers.

    I have to ask, during your text conversations, did you engage her, ask "her" questions in an effort to get to know her?

    Or was it all about you? Your life, your this, your that?

    Not accusing you of anything, just asking.

    I know for me and most women, when a man spends the majority of time talking about himself and asks the woman little to no questions about her, it is a huge turn off and will be nexting that guy very quickly.

    Not knowing you (or her) and how your text and phone convos went down, I'm just speculating, it's literally impossible to know for sure.

    And YES! we can know for sure a man isn't right for us based on text and phone convos, absolutely!
    Last edited by katrina1980; 10-27-2018 at 12:02 PM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,705
    "I don't feel our personalities match" is not an insult.

    "You lack life experience and it's obvious by your decision" (or whatever the exact words were) sounds like it's intended as a lecture/put down/criticism.

    You said something isn't an insult unless someone decides it is. It seems like you took her opinion as an insult.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    "I don't feel our personalities match" is not an insult.

    "You lack life experience and it's obvious by your decision" (or whatever the exact words were) sounds like it's intended as a lecture/put down/criticism.

    You said something isn't an insult unless someone decides it is. It seems like you took her opinion as an insult.
    I agree bolt and OP I give her credit for continuing to talk to you after that; had you said that to me, I would have hung up on you, or if texting, not responded at all.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,705
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I agree bolt and OP I give her credit for continuing to talk to you after that; had you said that to me, I would have hung up on you, good gawd, the arrogance!
    Ah, do I miss the satisfaction of slamming the phone down on someone! It just isn't the same with these pesky cell phones, where all you do is tap the screen.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    9,600
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Ah, do I miss the satisfaction of slamming the phone down on someone! It just isn't the same with these pesky cell phones, where all you do is tap the screen.
    LOL, yeah by hang up, I meant hit "end call" button or like you said, tap screen.

    You're right, it definitely doesn't give the same satisfaction -- I miss my my old school land line!!

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •