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I (31) broke up with my boyfriend (34) of 4 months because I couldn’t handle his smoking or smoking weed all the time. I’m healthy and want my bf to be healthy. I also didn’t feel like he went out of his way to make me feel special we never went on dates either. This is because he has been struggling with money. But he’s very affectionate. He also has a kid and I don’t know how to deal with that either. I just think I deserve a better partner - I’m looking for that forever love with my best friend. After I broke up with him he told me he has moderate pulmonary fibrosis. And will probably die in 5-10 years. He’s now doing his best to quit smoking and stop the weed. He hasn’t had weed in 3 days and only had 2 smokes today I think me leaving him completely changed his mindset and made him realize he needs to be healthy to live as long as possible. I’m mad he never told me of PF and mad he told me after we broke up. Now I’m having an extremely hard time moving on because we’re still talking I still care about him and he doesn’t really have anyone else. I feel bad I just want to get back with him but I know that’s wrong. How do I move on I dunno what to do

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"This is because he has been struggling with money."

- And you're surprised why?

 

"I’m looking for that forever love with my best friend."

- He's there, you passed him maybe more than once, but you had a stoner on your arm, and he's not that type of person.

 

"He hasn’t had weed in 3 days..."

- Even though stoners love to compare weed to beer, it's not, it stays in your head for four days.

 

Block him and find happiness.

 

 

Btw, "After I broke up with him he told me he has moderate pulmonary fibrosis."

- Give me a break. You'll be his Mom if you keep listening.

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You know, any break up is difficult. But I think it's kind of rotten that he didn't tell you about the pulmonary fibrosis earlier, and certainly, he shouldn't have been smoking the way he was. But using PF to guilt trip you after the break up is a crummy move and an attempt to manipulate your emotions. I would tell you to go No Contact with him and move on. Hang out with your friends, distract yourself with exercising, going to movies, and having fun. He needs to focus on his health and his kid. Forget about the PF, you were just not compatible with him, and you shouldn't feel guilty about moving on.

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He’s 2 and only sees him on weekends. I just mean he doesn’t have many friends to talk to that truly care about him

 

He survived just fine before you.

 

It’s quite possible your relationship had some codependency going on.

 

Unless you broke up to get a reaction out of him stand by your decision, go NC, and move forward.

 

If you did it for a reaction... well you got one...

 

I will say this though the second you start playing relationship chicken the clock starts on the end of the relationship, the clock starts on the disfunction and you’ve lost any and all credibility, in other words if he can sweet talk you back after 3 days where there was no long term change, how could it be it’s been 3 days, he will continue to do as he pleases, knowing you’re going to accept it.

 

He is not going to magically turn into a prince charming, he is and has always been the man he is and it’s the man you chose. Accept him or don’t, but hanging on waiting for him to form himself into your dream boat is unfair to the both of you.

 

I wish you luck.

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Wow, so many red flags, both before the break up and the manipulative ones after. I would be walking away too after all of that. Although I note a touch of entitlement in your 'deserving a better partner' statement. Just because we think we deserve something, doesn't mean we actually do. The desire to have a better partner is closer on point.

 

My thoughts would be to walk away. That he has miraculously changed after 3 days, means nothing. And you have only been together 4 months, you should not be going through this.

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Someone who pops in for 4 mos doesn't change or fix anyone, no matter how much you hope your influence, complaining, sheer awesomeness and any faux breakups will inspire them. Stop being a social worker.

I’m having an extremely hard time moving on because we’re still talking I still care about him and he doesn’t really have anyone else. I feel bad I just want to get back with him but I know that’s wrong.
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You made a decision based on your own reasons. It makes no sense to stick around and play social worker to an ex's behaviors. Even if he straightens up and flies right, he's going to resent you at some point for his changes 'for you'. Skip that, and move your focus TOWARD what you want for yourself someday instead of monitoring an adult who's perfectly capable of living the way he wants to.

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