What is my next move?

I have been dating this guy exclusively (I thought) for about 4 months. It was long distance he lived in Maryland and I lived in NC. I was getting fed up with my job and my lease was running out on my apartment. I didn’t know what my next move was going to be, so he asked me to move with him. I was very skeptical about it but then I became okay with the idea. So he came and helped me move and I was using his computer one day and I saw him messaging other females from NC. We are both from NC and had been planning on going down for a visit, and he had asked the girl what she was going to be doing that weekend I’m assuming so that they can see each other. We I found this I had only been in Maryland for a month. I asked him was he talking to other people and he said no I knew he was lying. We drove separately to NC so he then text me and admitted to it. He has no clue how I found out so he didn’t know I knew the details of the messages l. He told me that he has never met up with anyone since we started seeing each other and he would gain my trust back. I have been trying to be okay with this but I really am not, I told him to make our relationship public on Facebook and he said he was okay with they way things were. I was too before he lied to me. I told him I want to move and he is begging me to stay saying I shouldn’t just drop him because of that. What should I do?

Move out.

Sorry this guy isn't that into you. It's going to be hard for you to trust him.

I have been dating this guy exclusively (I thought) for about 4 months. It was long distance he lived in Maryland and I lived in NC. I was getting fed up with my job and my lease was running out on my apartment. I didn’t know what my next move was going to be, so he asked me to move with him. I was very skeptical about it but then I became okay with the idea. So he came and helped me move and I was using his computer one day and I saw him messaging other females from NC. We are both from NC and had been planning on going down for a visit, and he had asked the girl what she was going to be doing that weekend I’m assuming so that they can see each other. We I found this I had only been in Maryland for a month. I asked him was he talking to other people and he said no I knew he was lying. We drove separately to NC so he then text me and admitted to it. He has no clue how I found out so he didn’t know I knew the details of the messages l. He told me that he has never met up with anyone since we started seeing each other and he would gain my trust back. I have been trying to be okay with this but I really am not, I told him to make our relationship public on Facebook and he said he was okay with they way things were. I was too before he lied to me. I told him I want to move and he is begging me to stay saying I shouldn’t just drop him because of that. What should I do?

`just because of that" ? Sorry, but he's declared exclusivity to you and entertaining other girls on the side. I can't think of a better reason to dump him.

Besides, it's not like you two can meet up for coffee and see if this is salvageable. You've just unpacked your suitcase and now you don't have the luxury of a `wait n see'. At the very least, I wouldn't be setting up house with this guy. Not right now.

Asking someone to declare their devotion to you by pasting it on FB is cheesy.

His response, even cheesier.

He likes things just the way they are? What are they exactly?

What can we say? You really didn't know him well, and from him not wanting to change his Facebook status, it seems to indicate he has other women out there who he doesn't want knowing he's in a relationship. You can't trust him. You need to move out. He's up to something.

Can you give a little more context to these text messages you saw? Like, was there a sense of it being flirtatious, romantically-minded? Is that what he told you it was over text, or did he offer another explanation? And, if you're honest, have you had any kind of suspicions about him along these lines? A sense that he's got a little eye out there, an inclination to keep options open?

While curious to hear those answers, this doesn't sound great. Whatever his intentions were, even if he was just "scared" to let you know he was meeting up with his friend Annie or whatever, his evasiveness and handling of this is not cool.

As you put it: you are not okay with this, and that's the feeling to be listening to right now. Don't ignore it.

And while I agree with the above that using Facebook as some kind of salve is, well, limited, his response kind of told you where he's at. I once dated someone who was very adamant about our status being public online, and while I frankly thought that was pretty lame, I had no issue with it because I wasn't secretly trying to score elsewhere.

You are right

@bluecastle he was definitely being romantically minded saying he will take them out on dates and everything. He told me it was nothing just messages and this was my very first encounter on him lying to me. I can only think me moving is the best option.

I do believe that though I have to move 5 hours away it needs to be done.

As the phrase goes, "When someone shows you who they are the first time...believe them."

You can do better.

Moved in after only 4 months?

Your lease ending or whatever is a poor reason to move in with basically a stranger, which he must have been since you lived several hours apart.

@boltnrun I’ve known him for years we just started dating four months ago

I don’t know but I don’t like how they are

Yes, moving out, and on, is the best and only option.

Whatever his good qualities, you know where he is right now, and it's not where you want to be.

If you were still in the kind of casual stage, maybe this could be the kind of thing you talked about. Maybe. But you were moving in—pretty quickly, I might add, and maybe you'll dial that back in the future so you can keep getting to know someone a bit better.

But you have nothing to beat yourself up about here. It happens, and it happened. You are lucky to have gotten this now, not in two months when you were more rooted.

Sorry you're going through this. There are calm waters on the horizon.

I do believe that though I have to move 5 hours away it needs to be done.

Yes, so start packing. I dont believe for a second that he's not cheating on you.

Sorry to hear this. However it sounds like your problems at home forced this thing forward too fast. He was ok helping a fwb but not interested in being exclusive or building a real relationship.

He simply went from fwb to roommate-with-benefits because you pleaded about your lease and your job and "your next move".

Plastering stuff on social media will not fix this. You ran away from your problems, he rescued you but now you have a new set of problems.

I was getting fed up with my job and my lease was running out on my apartment. I didn’t know what my next move was going to be, so he asked me to move with him.

Plastering stuff on social media will not fix this. You ran away from your problems, he rescued you but now you have a new set of problems.

I didn’t have any problems all I had to do was renew my lease or find a new place it would have been an issue. Everyone is mentioning that it was fast indeed it was however we previously dated and knew each other for years and I thought I knew him. We did talk about being exclusive and had an agreement. I wanted to see if he would put it on Facebook to see if it was a problem because he was still messing with other girls and it proved right.

Unfortunately, this was not a good reason to pursue this and move in with him.

I was getting fed up with my job and my lease was running out on my apartment. I didn’t know what my next move was going to be

Unfortunately, this was not a good reason to pursue this and move in with him.

Yes, I know this now.

How well did you know him?

You were only dating a few months. Terrible idea. You should wait at least a year, and with someone you are dating locally.

Move!