My ex's stuff (stupid question)

My ex and I have been broken up since may, and have not spoken since.

When I got a bunch of my stuff back from him via his mother it also had a bunch of his stuff mixed in.

There's a bunch of clothes and a bunch of DVD's, nothing super important.

I bagged them up and shoved them in the back of my car to drop off whenever I was passing his place, but then I kinda forgot. I don't use the back seats very often. At all really, so it's all just sat there until my MOT this week.

I was clearing out all the rubbish and realised this stuff was still there.

He hasn't asked for it. I don't know if he's been looking for it, or just doesn't miss it.

Is it ok for me to just donate it?

I mean, if he wanted it, he would have asked? Unless he doesn't know it's with me?

Basically, I just need reassurance it's not a mean thing to just get rid of it without asking him!

He might not have realized it was in there. Were they movies he thought you would like?

Maybe he just grabbed a bag he thought was all yours.

I would not bother with the things that are replaceable like the dvds - especially if they are common but if they are his clothes (and not his sweatshirt that YOU always wore - in otherwords personal stuff), i would just box it up and put it in the mail and be done with it. Then you have it off your mind. And you don't have to communicate with him

He probably doesn't know you have it... is there anything in that stuff you think he would want?

There are a few things you could do... take a pic of the stuff and send it to him asking if he wants any of his things back, and if yes you can either put it in the mail, or drop it off on his front door step.

I personally wouldn't just get rid of it without telling him.

Legally, you're obligated to either hang onto them or return them. You're not suppose to just donate them to a charity. Text or email him and keep it very business-like. "I have some clothes and DVDs of yours. Do you want them or should I throw them away?" No small talk. You don't have to see him. You can leave them at your mom's or a friend's place. But give him a chance to get his stuff back.

They're not your things to donate. Mail them to him or drop them off. At the very least offer to have him pick them up.

Our stuff was pretty mixed up so he had to sort through it. So I kinda figured it was stuff he didn't want or maybe thought was mine, but there is some obviously male clothing and films I have never had any interest in seeing.

So yeah, part of me thinks it was stuff he just wanted to get rid of, but another part of me knows how much of an idiot he always was. Honestly, I don't mean to be mean but he was pretty stupid, so maybe he make a few mistakes with it?

I might be over his way in the next couple of weeks. So I might drop him a text about it then.

Legally, you're obligated to either hang onto them or return them. You're not suppose to just donate them to a charity. Text or email him and keep it very business-like. "I have some clothes and DVDs of yours. Do you want them or should I throw them away?" No small talk. You don't have to see him. You can leave them at your mom's or a friend's place. But give him a chance to get his stuff back.

Legally he 'gave' them to me.

He didn't leave his stuff at my place. He never came here. I had to go to his to get my stuff. He boxed it up and handed it to me.

I'm talking morals not laws here.

They're not your things to donate. Mail them to him or drop them off. At the very least offer to have him pick them up.

He couldn't get here when we were together for 3 1/2 years, I doubt he'd find a way to get here now...

Toss it. He doesn't miss it or want it.

Is it ok for me to just donate it?

It was 5 months ago. Trash or donate!

He couldn't get here when we were together for 3 1/2 years, I doubt he'd find a way to get here now...

But like I said; he did hand them over to me, so he hasn't asked for them back after so many months... he already relinquished them to me. He is the one who sorted through it all. I had nothing to do with it. It would be different if he left it here, but he actually sent it my way.

Legally after 30 days you can toss it. No one has to be a free storage unit for other people's uncollected stuff. He packed what's in those bags and obviously doesn't want it or thought it was yours.

But like I said; he did hand them over to me, so he hasn't asked for them back after so many months... he already relinquished them to me. He is the one who sorted through it all. I had nothing to do with it. It would be different if he left it here, but he actually sent it my way.

ok cool. Honestly I figured after this long he doesn't care. I'm sure none of it's worth enough to be sued over... Like I said I kinda just need reassurance its ok to get rid. I've got a lot of my stuff to take to charity and could get rid of his at the same time.

But like I said; he did hand them over to me, so he hasn't asked for them back after so many months... he already relinquished them to me. He is the one who sorted through it all. I had nothing to do with it. It would be different if he left it here, but he actually sent it my way.

His mother gave them to you. Who knows if he thought everything in the box was yours and didn't realize more was in there - or that he instructed HER to find what things were yours. If he had been there himself, then i get it - you are free to do whatever with it. Also, if it was in your back seat this whole tme, are you sure there wasn't a sweatshirt of his or something in the backseat independent of the stuff mom gave you? Honestly, i would just go through and take what is yours out of the box and as a one time thing -- mail back what his clearly his or give them to his mom ---- so you will have a clean conscience.

HE was the only one gave with the key to the storaage unit they were in. It was all him. The stuff on my back seat was in boxes HE gave me. I got the stuff off his mum AFTER he sorted it out. Nothing of his I have was 'left behind'.

You can't legally toss people's things after 30 days without the legally proper notice. But that's likely neither here nor there given the contents. Doubt anyone is contacting the sheriff over DVDs and used shirts.

Still, it's not your place to gauge his value of his belongings. Do what you're going to do, but grown adults don't just pitch other people's **** without consulting them, ex or not.

PS - These two are mutually exclusive:

"He relinquished them to me."

"My ex's stuff."

Pick one. They're either your things to do as you please with or they're his things you're looking to pitch without his consent. Personally, $6 postage is a small enough price to conduct myself civilly.

I'm just trying to give you guys the full picture. It's his stuff but he gave it to me, by accident or not. Legally he did give it to me, so like I said I don't think I can get sued, and here, it would cost more than $6 postage. But I dont even know where to post it. I don't know where he is living right now, just a general area. Possibly.

Like I said I can drop hima text next time i'm in his area.

I didn't think people would bring law into this....

I'm just trying to give you guys the full picture. It's his stuff but he gave it to me, by accident or not.

Why would he give you his clothes? I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but he didn't "legally" give them to you. You went through his mom. Mom was probably suppose to hang onto his stuff. So either bring it back to mom or text him or tell him his stuff is going to be tossed unless he picks it up within 30 days. Right now, he probably doesn't know you have his stuff. You don't have to bring it to him. If he wants it he can come and get it.

its mean to get rid of it without asking him. let him know he still had things with you, (his moms' stuff too), that you've gathered in a bag for him. does he still want it?

give him a date that he needs to arrange to have you drop it off or have him pick up from you by - or you'll get rid of it (and mention you most likely will donate it).

the rest is up to him at that point and can be reasonably negotiated with you.

Why would he give you his clothes? I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but he didn't "legally" give them to you. You went through his mom. Mom was probably suppose to hang onto his stuff. So either bring it back to mom or text him or tell him his stuff is going to be tossed unless he picks it up within 30 days. Right now, he probably doesn't know you have his stuff. You don't have to bring it to him. If he wants it he can come and get it.

No I picked them up from his mum BUT this was after HE has sorted through it. HE was the one who went to the storage unit and sorted out what was his and what was mine.

I picked it up from his mum becaused he moved back there before hand and me and his mum and sister arranged to see a show togther before we broke up, but the show was months after so it was easier for me to pick it up when I droped her home. SHE had nothing to do with the actual belongings besides letting me in the house to get them.

You seem hellbent on getting rid of his stuff. Why even ask for opinions? I'd personally send a quick text, what's the big deal?

Why can't you just put it all in a box and mail it to him?

What's the difference to you between that, and donating it? Either way, it's out of your car (and your life).

You don't know that he doesn't want it back. You're just speculating.

Whether it's legal or not depends on where you live, how long, blah blah blah.

In all the time you've been posting on this thread, you could have had it boxed up and sent back already.

It's the kind, nice thing to do. When all else fails, be kind.

BettyBee, if I may ask, why are you so adverse to shooting him a quick text letting him know his stuff is still at yours, and asking him what you should do with it?

Turning it around, how would you feel if you had forgotten you had left some things at his and he just arbitrarily decided to donate them or toss away without notifying you first?

Thus not allowing you the opportunity to either go get them, or asking him to leave by your door or some other way to retrieve them.

I am not really understanding why you have such dire need to get rid without affording him this basic courtesy.

Are you afraid if you break no contact, it will drudge up old feelings or something?

Can you clarify your thought process, because on its face it doesn't make much sense.

"I bagged them up and shoved them in the back of my car to drop off whenever I was passing his place, but then I kinda forgot. "

"I don't know where he is living right now, just a general area. "

Which is it?

You know where he lives or you don't.

People are questioning because your story changes with just about each "clarification".