ahd15 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I haven’t seen any posts like this so I figured I’d start one. They say that its important to take away lessons from relationships, whatever kind they are. This last one made me realize that it’s ok to be myself and that I can make someone happy just by being that. I dont need to hide behind work, material things, and selfishness. Before she left she helped me change jobs (something I wanted to do and should have done years ago) and helped me understand that there is no such thing as “perfect.” She made me realize how important it is to give back also. Taking care of myself is the most important part of life and when I get to that point I can share my life with someone great for however long that may be. She made me realize that everyone has their own issues including her. No one acts a certain way out of the blue. The past and other outside observations always have an impact on how people act and react. It always takes two to tango. In the interest of growing and moving forward, what are some things you’ve realized about yourselves after your relationships ended? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 trust your gut. If it quacks like a duck, acts like a duck, it probably is a duck don't sacrifice your emotional well-being for a relationship Link to comment
11moreweeks Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 Honestly, not that much. In the end, my ex was just wrong. With that said, I did get stronger, and I developed a preference for a different kind of relationship/dynamic than I had before (not that it's right, but with my experiences now, it's what I'd rather have). Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 That it shouldn't be so difficult. If you feel like you are trying to put a round peg in a square hole, you are most likely with the wrong person. And no matter what, Ill be ok. Link to comment
DanZee Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Yeah, I didn't really learn much from my relationships either, other than it makes sense to date people you already know. My first relationship, I wasn't the kind of guy she was looking for. My second relationship was she wasn't the kind of girl I was looking for. My third relationship was we both weren't the type of person we were looking for. A bunch of blind dates over the years went nowhere. It was probably a physical attraction thing. I did have a couple of girls who wanted a second date, but two were too young, and two just talked my ear off and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. My fourth relationship was the winner. You've just got to find someone who likes you for you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 In the interest of growing and moving forward, what are some things you’ve realized about yourselves after your relationships ended? I learned that I don't need to beat myself up in order to let go. I can take a much gentler approach by trusting that if the two of us were ever a meant-to-be deal, we'll meet again on higher ground someday. If not, then we won't. Either way, it's up to each of us to make that climb to higher ground on our own--and during the course of that, the ex starts to become less and less relevant as all other aspects of living become more and more important. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 I learned that I really need to trust my intuition and to never overlook red flags. Link to comment
jstudio Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Great idea for a thread! I think I've learned that I tend to take on the weight of everything that went wrong. Everything is my fault, when it really does take two. As said above, working on yourself is key, and that can take some time. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 No relationship is one sided and if you don’t accept your faults you’re doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes It’s OK if you’re not OK. Move through grief naturally. the best feeling phase is that anger phase ( victim phase ) but if you stay stuck in it you’re never going to move on. ( I actually learned that one on here) Time can heal wounds if you allow it. Don’t rebound, it’s not fair to you or the other person. A red flag is a red flag is a red flag. Most people aren’t cut out for casual sex Link to comment
jstudio Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 I guess I mean don't take all of the responsibility for the failure of the relationship, and dont blame them for everything either. Dont put them on a pedestal. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 I blame myself because I put up with all kinds of mistreatment. My takeaway was...do not do things that upset me just to keep him. And if I need to twist myself into a pretzel or ignore my own feelings in order to try to get a guy to pick me...he is wrong for me. And finally, love myself enough to realize when it's time to walk away. Link to comment
jstudio Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Very very good point. I feel you there. Link to comment
monkeynuts Posted November 9, 2018 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Mirroring most To realise when things are wrong before they reach nuclear! To have some self respect and walk away when I’m being treated like a door mat...instead on continuing to go back over just words. That someone really isn’t worth it if I’m fighting so much and getting nothing back. Life is too short to chase someone who doesn’t treat me with respect. That it’s ok to make mistakes. I won’t always be perfect or happy but if someone can’t accept my flaws they don’t deserve me at my best! Link to comment
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