What did you learn?

I haven’t seen any posts like this so I figured I’d start one.

They say that its important to take away lessons from relationships, whatever kind they are.

This last one made me realize that it’s ok to be myself and that I can make someone happy just by being that. I dont need to hide behind work, material things, and selfishness. Before she left she helped me change jobs (something I wanted to do and should have done years ago) and helped me understand that there is no such thing as “perfect.” She made me realize how important it is to give back also.

Taking care of myself is the most important part of life and when I get to that point I can share my life with someone great for however long that may be.

She made me realize that everyone has their own issues including her. No one acts a certain way out of the blue. The past and other outside observations always have an impact on how people act and react.

It always takes two to tango.

In the interest of growing and moving forward, what are some things you’ve realized about yourselves after your relationships ended?

trust your gut.

If it quacks like a duck, acts like a duck, it probably is a duck

don't sacrifice your emotional well-being for a relationship

Honestly, not that much. In the end, my ex was just wrong.

With that said, I did get stronger, and I developed a preference for a different kind of relationship/dynamic than I had before (not that it's right, but with my experiences now, it's what I'd rather have).

That it shouldn't be so difficult.

If you feel like you are trying to put a round peg in a square hole, you are most likely with the wrong person.

And no matter what, Ill be ok.

Yeah, I didn't really learn much from my relationships either, other than it makes sense to date people you already know.

My first relationship, I wasn't the kind of guy she was looking for.

My second relationship was she wasn't the kind of girl I was looking for.

My third relationship was we both weren't the type of person we were looking for.

A bunch of blind dates over the years went nowhere. It was probably a physical attraction thing. I did have a couple of girls who wanted a second date, but two were too young, and two just talked my ear off and I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

My fourth relationship was the winner.

You've just got to find someone who likes you for you.

In the interest of growing and moving forward, what are some things you’ve realized about yourselves after your relationships ended?

I learned that I don't need to beat myself up in order to let go. I can take a much gentler approach by trusting that if the two of us were ever a meant-to-be deal, we'll meet again on higher ground someday.

If not, then we won't.

Either way, it's up to each of us to make that climb to higher ground on our own--and during the course of that, the ex starts to become less and less relevant as all other aspects of living become more and more important.

I learned that I really need to trust my intuition and to never overlook red flags.

Great idea for a thread! I think I've learned that I tend to take on the weight of everything that went wrong. Everything is my fault, when it really does take two. As said above, working on yourself is key, and that can take some time.

No relationship is one sided and if you don’t accept your faults you’re doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes

It’s OK if you’re not OK.

Move through grief naturally. the best feeling phase is that anger phase ( victim phase ) but if you stay stuck in it you’re never going to move on. ( I actually learned that one on here)

Time can heal wounds if you allow it.

Don’t rebound, it’s not fair to you or the other person.

A red flag is a red flag is a red flag.

Most people aren’t cut out for casual sex

I guess I mean don't take all of the responsibility for the failure of the relationship, and dont blame them for everything either. Dont put them on a pedestal.

I blame myself because I put up with all kinds of mistreatment.

My takeaway was...do not do things that upset me just to keep him. And if I need to twist myself into a pretzel or ignore my own feelings in order to try to get a guy to pick me...he is wrong for me.

And finally, love myself enough to realize when it's time to walk away.

Very very good point. I feel you there.

Mirroring most

To realise when things are wrong before they reach nuclear! To have some self respect and walk away when I’m being treated like a door mat...instead on continuing to go back over just words.

That someone really isn’t worth it if I’m fighting so much and getting nothing back. Life is too short to chase someone who doesn’t treat me with respect.

That it’s ok to make mistakes. I won’t always be perfect or happy but if someone can’t accept my flaws they don’t deserve me at my best!