Girlfriend problems advice needed

So iv been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She still lives with her parents as she is at university and living off a student wage. We see each other sometimes 1 day during the week and then maybe Friday night until Sunday morning. This week she told me she was off uni and so we would see plenty of each other but then tells me she is working some days which is fine considering she needs the money. But having agreed she is coming up Tomorrow (thursday) she now tells me she will see me the day after tomorrow but will have to go home Sunday because she needs to spend time with her mum because seeing her at night after work is only a few hours n not really much.

I am 32 n really want to be settling down and she knows this.. I want my partner to come home to me at night n have our own life together..but between her being at uni and working shifts and also fitting in time to spend with her family I feel really fed up..like we are still just 'seeing' each other 2 years into a relationship. Her mum is also very clingy with her and always txts n calls her when we are together, and often gets jealous when we go fun places on dates because she hasn't got to do that with her. We went on holiday once n she ended up having to go back to the same place with her mum so her mum could experience it. Am I in the wrong for wanting more from my girlfriend and wanting her to cut the apron strings with her mum a bit.

Well, welcome to the real world. People have work and family commitments. She's trying to fit you in during a busy week. You should offer her as much support as possible. Hopefully, she'll finish up her courses, get a good job, and things will eventually settle down for the both of you. But let's not make this about you. You need to be understanding about her situation and not be selfish. You need to help her, not criticize her. Don't put this on her. Try to have some patience.

Is two years not patience. I am in the real world. I work, im a carer and im starting a new business and I help her out financially. I'm fully independent and want a partner to settle down with. I also have a large family who I see as and when I can but prioritise spending time with her first and foremost. What is wrong with me expecting the same from her?

How old is your gf? It sounds like you and her just aren't at the same life stage. She is still home, attached to family and a student. You are a 32 year old guy ready for marriage and building your own family, which is quite normal, btw. The thing is that for relationships to work, both people have to be at the same stage and on the same path. So I'd say you need to talk to her and make sure that you are both on the same page and find out how she is seeing her future and on what timeline. I can't imagine she figures she'll graduate and jump immediately into marriage and babies. If her goals and timeline are too different from yours and the differences aren't workable, then it's time to part ways.

Regarding her family and her parents, just beware that what you see is what you get. If they are over involved now, they'll be that way and even worse later on. Look at the whole package not just your gf.

Thankyou for your response. She is 24..and we discussed this when we first got together. I told her where i was in life and what I wanted and she often tells me she wants the same. She always talks about us getting married and having kids. She feels she is ready for all that. So we seem to be on the same page somewhat. Iv agreed i'll wait until she finishes her studies and she agrees thats when she wants those things to. All i really want is having our life together.. her coming home to me at night. Iv asked her how her mum is going to cope when we live together and she said "she will just have to get used to it". I just think her mum wants to keep her as her baby. But I can't tell her that.

You are a 32 year old guy ready for marriage and building your own family, which is quite normal, btw..

I'm female by the way 😂

Well then she is acting appropriate for her age, including telling you all those things that she wants. However, being older and wiser, do you really think a 24 year old is really there at that stage in life? I think you know that she isn't and probably won't be for a few more years. Once she graduates, the focus will be on getting a job, then working and paying her dues, getting ahead, etc. It will be awhile before she is really there for marriage and kids. At some point I guess it really comes down to is it worth the wait and the risk for you.

I'm female by the way 😂

lol sorry didn't pay attention, either way though advice stands. :)

Well then she is acting appropriate for her age, including telling you all those things that she wants. However, being older and wiser, do you really think a 24 year old is really there at that stage in life? I think you know that she isn't and probably won't be for a few more years. Once she graduates, the focus will be on getting a job, then working and paying her dues, getting ahead, etc. It will be awhile before she is really there for marriage and kids. At some point I guess it really comes down to is it worth the wait and the risk for you.

Yeh this is all very true, I think iv been worried about this in the past and she has always been persistent in telling me she wants what I want but when she is qualified as she already has her job lined up..and also can't wait to get on the property ladder with me. I just think that while she is at university and also working shifts and I'm starting a business id like to be with my partner at the end of the day but struggling to understand that she feels the need to spend her evenings with her mum and just weekend with me. Her mum and dad don't have much if a relationship and don't do anything together and so my gf is her mum's world..her best friend..and she feels guilty if she doesn't see her enough. That's what I'm worried about more than anything.

Well, maybe she's not ready to move in with you. Maybe she's not sure of her sexuality. Maybe she wants to finish school to keep distractions to a minimum. Maybe she's close to her mum. I think DancingFool summed it up perfectly. You have 8 years on her. She's in a different place than you are. You're ready to nest. She might not be. You've just got to give it time. Be understanding. Don't try to manipulate her into doing something she's not ready for.

 

Regarding her family and her parents, just beware that what you see is what you get. If they are over involved now, they'll be that way and even worse later on. Look at the whole package not just your gf.

This! ^^^^ She sounds very close (maybe too close) to her mother and yes what you see is what you get and will keep getting. It is what it is. I think the age difference is a large part of your problem, you and she are at different stages in life and she needs to finish school, and do all those things you've likely already done. You need to be patient and hang in there or find someone else who's where you are at in life.

Unfortunately you seem incompatible in terms of life stage, family expectations, maturity and goals and values. You can't change her or her mother or their family dynamics.

She still lives with her parents as she is at university and living off a student wage.

I am 32 n really want to be settling down and she knows this.. I want my partner to come home to me at night n have our own life together.

Am I in the wrong for wanting more from my girlfriend and wanting her to cut the apron strings with her mum a bit.

No, you're just with the wrong GF. She's not positioned to give you what you want right now. Her priorities are evident, and that's not a reflection on you. Either you can recognize the differences in your cycles of life and support that, or not. If you no longer WANT to do that, then you can keep future potential alive by telling her that you need to walk away while you both still think highly of one another, and if she's ever positioned to invest more in your time together, she can let you know. If you're still available then, you can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, you can wish her the best and move on to pursue the level of maturity in a relationship that you desire.

Head high. There doesn't need to be a villain in any relationship that doesn't work out.

No, you're just with the wrong GF. She's not positioned to give you what you want right now. Her priorities are evident, and that's not a reflection on you. Either you can recognize the differences in your cycles of life and support that, or not. If you no longer WANT to do that, then you can keep future potential alive by telling her that you need to walk away while you both still think highly of one another, and if she's ever positioned to invest more in your time together, she can let you know. If you're still available then, you can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, you can wish her the best and move on to pursue the level of maturity in a relationship that you desire.

 

Head high. There doesn't need to be a villain in any relationship that doesn't work out.

Thankyou. That's good advice. I guess it's a matter of working through something if it's worth it..and to me she is. Aside from all this we have a lovely realtionship and love each other a lot. Just wish it wasn't making me miserable. Thanks again