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Thread: Don't know how I get myself into these situations...

  1. #1
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    Don't know how I get myself into these situations...

    Ok erm long story...
    One I definitely have my share of blame in
    So I met am American girl six months ago in Italy
    Travelled with her for two weeks. Then split off, but stayed close friends and talked alot
    About two months ago I arranged to meet up with her in NYC and then go to Mexico to travel together
    While in NYC we kissed a bit for a few days but then she told me she didn't feel that way about me anymore and that she was seeing someone (This was the night before we flew to Mexico)
    She then had a panic attack and went home while I flew to Mexico. But I told her its okay if we're just friends, and after a week and a half later she came out anyway just as a friend
    I still had feelings for her and let her know the door was open, but I wouldn't do anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship
    So we spend two and a half weeks living together in a small town in Mexico while I'm learning Spanish and she's writing
    During that time I reiterated my feelings for her, and said that if she doesn't feel the same way I would prefer not to travel with her when we leave the town
    She says okay, but decides to travel the exact same route as me, just a couple of days earlier
    A week into our travel, I'm on the same island as her but a different hostel, and I met a very nice German girl
    On the second night i hooked up with the German girl, but she was leaving the next day and I knew gen the American girl was also leaving that day
    So I made what was a pretty selfish decision to go with the German girl anyway
    Thinking because gen rejected me and was seeing someone it wouldn't be to big of a deal
    So we end up on the same ferry and bus as gen, and stay at the same hostel because it is the only place in town that backpackers stay really.
    I still haven't done anything in public with the German girl, but when gen wasn't around I put my arm around her neck in the common area
    Next thing I know gen is asking to talk to me, we go outside and she asks what the hell I'm doing, says she doesn't want to see me with some other girl etc, to which I apologise and explain I didn't think she'd care yada yada
    I Didn't feel good after that so texted gen saying I'm going to bed and left, next day stayed clear of the hostel and then day after that left on a different track from both gen and the German girl
    Gen ends up traveling WITH the German girl and the friends I'd made with her, while I'm alone for two days thinking about this whole thing.
    So today this was our conversation
    [Register to see the link]
    [Register to see the link]
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    Am i just a complete ass for thinking I should be able to move on with another girl, regardless of whether she is around? Especially when I asked her not to travel with me, and she specifically chose to travel the same route as me? Like I outlined an awesome list of places she could have gone through in Mexico, but instead she asks me if she can travel with me (after I told her i didn't want to), and when I say I don't know, decides to copy my route anyway?
    Blah

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It sounds as though she had her ego hurt.

    She didn't want you anymore but expected you to mope about, when you moved onto another girl, she got angry.

    It's not about feelings, it just her inflated head.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aaron Hodges
    Ok erm long story...

    A week into our travel, I'm on the same island as her but a different hostel, and I met a very nice German girl
    On the second night i hooked up with the German girl, but she was leaving the next day and I knew gen the American girl was also leaving that day
    So I made what was a pretty selfish decision to go with the German girl anyway
    Thinking because gen rejected me and was seeing someone it wouldn't be to big of a deal
    So we end up on the same ferry and bus as gen, and stay at the same hostel because it is the only place in town that backpackers stay really.
    I agree with Sherry, but I have to ask and hope you will at least think about it before responding.

    Of course you had every right to hook up with the German girl, but I am curious as to your motivation for taking the same ferry and bus as gen and staying at the same hostel. Was there a part of you that hoped her seeing you with another girl would make her jealous?

    I spent a year traveling (backpacking except with a large duffle bag) and there were tons of hostels all over that catered to such travelers.

    Was it really necessary to take the same ferry, the same bus, and stay at the same hostel as gen? I am not accusing you, just asking.

    I realize gen said she didn't feel "that way" about you, but seeing you with another girl so quickly after you declared your feelings for her -- I dunno, I may be a bit irked by that as well.

    I wouldn't have gone off on you the way gen did, that was way over the top, but it would have bothered me if I'm honest, NOT because you were with her, but because you felt compelled to bring her around where I was - same ferry, same bus, same hostel.

    A bit tacky as gen said, like you were intentionally rubbing it in gen's face. NOT saying that was your intention, only that that is how it appeared.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 10-24-2018 at 05:07 PM.

  4. #4
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    I know it was tactless and can understand why it might upset her some, which is why I apologised and left, leaving her to take over the group I was travelling with.
    For the travel situation, the German girl and her friend had already booked the ferry and bus, and I didn't know gen would be on either only that she was leaving that day for the same place. I also made sure nothing happened in either.
    My friends and the German girl were also intent on staying in that hostel because in flores Guatemala it is quite literally the only place people stay, especially during low season (in fact the next two places I've been after leaving them have been competely empty leaving me to deal with this stuff alone).
    I also actualy didnt stay in the main building, I was someplace else around the corner, but because my friends and the German girl were there I of course went and hung out there anyway (there was literally nothing happening around the corner). Yes I could have stayed someplace else, but it would have meant quite literally removing myself from all my friends (which is what I ended up doing anyway ironically).

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Okay that makes sense, thanks for clarifying.

    Given she may have misunderstood and assumed you were intentionally rubbing the German girl in her face, you have done your part, and apologized.

    That's all you can do, if she wants to remain pissy about it, that's her problem, not yours.

    Not that you would, but don't continue apologizing or trying to appease her or "make nice." Leave her be, perhaps in time she will get over herself and you can be friends again.

  7. #6
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    I was actually wondering if I should apologise again about the hostel situation, although it's not like I started making out with her in the common area.
    I'm pretty much torn between another apology and letting rip about the decisions she also made that put us in this whole complicated mess, but I'm gonna settle for just shutting my mouth.

    Worst part is I've spent the last six months mentoring her to be an author and narrator because she wanted to try and change career, so I'd have thought I had at least a little slack.

  8. #7
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    If there had been another decent hostel I certainly would have convinced them to go elsewhere. I mean that was why I'd stayed at a different hostel in the last place from her

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....I mean Gen rejected you multiple times, so sorry but no, she has no right to flip out about you moving on the way she did. As already pointed out, her ego took a hit. She expected you to be pining for her instead of moving on.

    I think the only real issue here is ye olde trying to be friends when you want more or have already crossed some lines with a person that aren't so platonic. Things just tend to get messy from that. Probably best to simply go your separate ways completely when someone doesn't return your interest and not even try the friends angle.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Gen is out of line. Her reaction is confusing. She tells you that your feelings are not reciprocated, you ask to be left to travel in different circles and now she's twisted that you met someone who shares a mutual attraction?

    She needs to get over herself. Seriously.

    Others are right. It may or may not have seeming intentional. But the moment has passed.
    No further discussion needed.

    You seem to be the reasonable one here. If she settles down and comes around, so be it.
    Until then, I'd let her be to process this.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 10-24-2018 at 06:38 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Aaron Hodges
    If there had been another decent hostel I certainly would have convinced them to go elsewhere. I mean that was why I'd stayed at a different hostel in the last place from her
    Well since you seem really bothered by all this and her reaction, maybe wait a few days, up to a week and reach out again.

    NOT to apologize, you've done nothing wrong to apologize for so apologizing again would seem weak, but just to check in as any friend would do.

    Hopefully by then she would have calmed down and you can become friends again.

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