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Should I leave her alone? My girlfriend wants her potential baby father around


amanda88

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The back story is my girlfriend and her bestfriend has had an history of of ruining their own relationships. Mainly because they would secretly mess around while they had relationships.

My girlfriend was a single mother when I met her. She told me that it was her bestfriends baby but he refuse to take the paternity test and disappeared for a year. Mainly because he didnt think he can have kids.

When me and my girlfriend broke up for a week. My girlfriend recently got in contact with her bestfriend and end up having sex with him. They also talked about moving in and being full time parents.

When we got back together she told me the prior commitments they have made. I told her I dont feel comfortable with him not taking the paternity test and the prior commitment that they made.

Especially because their not fully sure that hes the father of her child. My girlfriend told me that she will compromise and not let him stay in the house, but she wants him around whether he is the father or not because hes helping her out fincially and its hard for her to be a single mother.

I personally think this is a way to keep them connected I dont feel comfortable with her wanting him around no matter what. There has been times where she wouldn't pick up her phone when he came over to see the baby.There was one time where they talked the whole night in his car. They dont have bounderies.

I only want him there if he IS the father. Now where currently not talking because she thinks I'm being selfish and inconsiderate with my requests. She feels like her daughter needs a father figure ( since im a female) and all the support she can get.

what would you do if you was in this situation? your opinion please.

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I told her I dont feel comfortable with him not taking the paternity test and the prior commitment that they made.

 

If they made a commitment, then you disappear and find someone new and let them have eachother. I would not get in the way of the child living with her parents as dysfunctional as it may seem to you

 

If this man is indeed the child's father, then I agree with her - his child needs to know him and see him and he should absolutely be supporting his child financially. The child should absolutely have male figures in her child's life as well. I think its dumb that he is not taking a paternity test, but that is not your call. I am going to bet he's the father. But she doesn't want to definitively tell you.

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Well, apparently your girlfriend comes with a boyfriend whether you feel comfortable with it or not. (He should be paying real child support, by the way.) The question is how much of this will you take? They will continue to have a relationship whether you're in the picture or not. And they're probably continuing to have sex when you're not looking. You either accept it or you break up. Your choice.

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How long have you been dating? Unfortunately it sounds like she doesn't want a full time or exclusive dating situation with you. It's too complicated for you to pursue this.

 

It's up to her whatever level of involvement she has with her child's father. This includes petitioning for child support, getting court ordered visitation and custody arrangements, etc. He can be subpoenaed to take a paternity test. If she wants to pursue that and child support.

 

It's not your call whether she gets a paternity test ordered or what level of involvement the father's child has. She's right. She does need financial support as well as emotional support and appropriate co-parenting.

My girlfriend was a single mother when I met her. she wants him around whether he is the father or not because hes helping her out fincially and its hard for her to be a single mother. She feels like her daughter needs a father figure ( since im a female) and all the support she can get.
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Wow you're setting yourself up for all sorts of drama here. It's not for you to decide one way or the other whether she pursues a commitment with this guy to raise the kid together... at the end of the day, you getting in the middle of all this is not going to end well, and it's ultimately not your business what they decide to do with their lives.

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Do you really need a bunch of strangers to tell you that you need to run far and fast from this psychotic, dysfunctional drama? Cheating, lying, blaming you for her unemployment, using people.....I mean wow..... Unless you just love chaos, insanity and drama, you need to get away from her yesterday. Kick her out of your life and block and delete immediately and make no mistake about it - she won't take to you leaving her kindly and may try her best to get you back. Don't confuse that for love or caring, because in her case, it's neither. It's just using people for her own means and benefit.

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It is a mess.

she said she can't concentrate on finding a job because she's been stressed out about me not being supportive of her decison. Also she doesn't want to give him the test anymore, since he's already giving het money here and there

 

 

She can't get a job to support her child, and is blaming you. Really! How manipulative. She is a user, cheat, liar and terrible parent. What is attractive about this dynamic?

 

He is giving her the money here and there. It seems that little thought goes into the child, and she is still involved.

 

You can do a lot better for yourself.

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what would you do if you was in this situation? your opinion please.
I would leave her to him and then when I was closer to the stage of indifference to her, I would put myself out there and find partner that gave a crap about me.

 

This girl is a user and she's a cheater; has totally incompatible moral sensibilities to you... and she doesn't know what romantic relationship boundary is.

 

Do you not think you can do better then a user; a cheater; a morally incompatible partner who keeps an extra curricular sexual partner in her life? Loving someone is no reason to stay with someone when there is all this dysfunction swirling around that love.

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she doesn't make enough money to help her mother with the bills...

she said she can't concentrate on finding a job because she's been stressed out about me not being supportive of her decison. Also she doesn't want to give him the test anymore, since hes already giving het money here and there

Sounds like she wants him around so that he gives her money to help her support her mother? She sounds like a leech ...

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OP - run. Run far and fast and never look back at this messy situation.

 

My guess? The baby isn't his either, she knows it, and is afraid she'll lose his financial support if he finds out the truth by having a paternity test done. I would bet any money she's got him convinced she was only sleeping with him when she got pregnant, so how dare he even ask for proof!

 

Forget her; she's already got a boyfriend and it ain't you.

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My girlfriend told me that she will compromise and not let him stay in the house, but she wants him around whether he is the father or not because hes helping her out fincially and its hard for her to be a single mother.

 

I read that as - "I'll tell him to go home after I have sex with him, but I need to keep trading the sex for his financial support"

 

Does she ask you for financial help too?

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