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Thread: Bf cheated while travelling

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    He didn't say that, Danzee... he said he still loves her and wants to stay with her in spite of the issues.
    I still think it's a preface to breaking up. He has itchy feet and he's getting ready to walk.

    Originally Posted by Lindy3
    We have gone through a lot of stressful times together...
    I would like to hear about the other stressful times you two have gone through. What else is going on in the relationship?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He may have stated this, but it doesn't mean he'll be less "bored" with you or stop chasing skirts or "work on repairing things".

    If he wanted to "repair things" he would be not dating other women and slap you in the face with "you're boring and not exciting". It means 'you can continue to to be my doormat while I go out and prowl'. Once you condone and overlook infidelity you set yourself up for more not less of it.

    Stop playing house. Stop sleeping with him. Ask him to sleep in another room until he moves out. Stop being the 'little woman at home". Stop all "domestic activity". Treat him as a roommate. He does all his own chores, errands, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. You can not fix this alone and he doesn't want to.

    You, on the other hand, must start going out more with your friends, start getting in shape, start updating your look, start investing in yourself and enjoying your life more.
    Originally Posted by Lindy3
    he assured me he loves me and does want to stay together. How can I accept this and stop feeling so overwhelmingly sad? And how can we repair our relationship?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    OP The sadness is logical because you are mourning the relationship you thought you had. The goal is not to avoid sadness. The goal is to get what you want out of this life, including the pleasure of investing in others who in turn invest in you.

    You have one life. This is not the relationship you chose for yourself. Change is necessary.

    When you're ready you will move forward.

  4. #14
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    It could also be that he doesn't actually feel that way, but used it as a line on the woman. The sad sack "i am not going to lie about my relationship, but i am going to say something to get this lady to keep talking to me" - painting the relationship as negative/foot out the door is a classic way to do it. How many women have "bought" the story of "we are only living as roommates/we have bee talking about breaking up" when the marriage is alive and well. He may not have even thought about what he was saying - it just came out. to me, trust would be broken. If he had been out with colleagues and was just having a conversation with someone, i would not think its a big deal, but the fact that they exchanged numbers would have been the big straw for me.

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  6. #15
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    I think what he said is entirely honest this far into a relationship. The honeymoon is over and people's feelings change, and not necessarily for the worst. He has expressed genuine remorse and a genuine desire to move past this. My question was not whether I should dump him, because I believe this was a small incident not worth giving up a five year relationship for. My question was how to move past it.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lindy3
    I think what he said is entirely honest this far into a relationship. The honeymoon is over and people's feelings change, and not necessarily for the worst. He has expressed genuine remorse and a genuine desire to move past this. My question was not whether I should dump him, because I believe this was a small incident not worth giving up a five year relationship for. My question was how to move past it.
    I think I gave you some pointers on that in post #10

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lindy3
    I think what he said is entirely honest this far into a relationship. The honeymoon is over and people's feelings change, and not necessarily for the worst. He has expressed genuine remorse and a genuine desire to move past this. My question was not whether I should dump him, because I believe this was a small incident not worth giving up a five year relationship for. My question was how to move past it.
    There is no short cut. You move past it in time.
    I don't think you need to push yourself. You honor how you feel and he helps you through it.
    You two start working together to build your relationship and make it stronger and the rest will come.

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