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Thread: I feel uncomfortable

  1. #1
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    I feel uncomfortable

    I've been working at this company for a month already and the work itself is tolerable. What annoys me are these creepy old men trying to flirt me. Not just old men but divorced fathers making me feel uncomfortable. Lately, I've been attracting old men rather than men around my age at work and it's creeping me out. I keep asking myself why do these things happen to me? I dress appropriately at work, I stay and act professional, and lastly I never gave them any signs nor signals I like them. These old men by the way are employees with blue collar jobs at my company.

    What annoys me is that it's normal in my country to have guys acting like this and one of the employees told me just to take it as a compliment. Even if I tell this matter to my boss, he probably will just shrug it off. How is it still a compliment if an old creepy employee tells me "You're sexy" and "Your body is so sexy"?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I feel bad that this is acceptable in your country . :(

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Your boss is not supposed to ignore such comments, so you need to talk to that person.

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    I was planning on speaking to the HR on this matter. I think speaking to my boss could affect my evaluation period.

    I also don't get it every time I walk by outside our company's building to the other building, about 5 men who would carry the supplies of our company would always look at me creepily. It's getting annoying that's why I look at myself in the mirror and ask what's wrong with me

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  6. #5
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    I also live in a country where sexual harassment is not treated with seriousness.

    first, nothing is wrong with you. If you dress like a nun you will still attract comments. Its not about you its about the workplace culture.

    secondly, I think you should still report to your boss that you are feeling uncomfortable. Things won't change if you don't say anything.

    I want to say that i am some kind of pioneer where sexual harassment is concerned but to be frank I've adapted to it by being firm with anyone who makes me uncomfortable. That means that there are some men who find me intimidating and I am ok with that. If one of us has to be uncomfortable I don't think it should be me

  7. #6
    Bronze Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Okay a little advice for you. HR is the appropriate way to go HOWEVER... your case with HR would be MUCH STRONGER if you were able to tell HR that:
    1. You have made it clear to the peopel doing this that you'd like for it to stop. Especially if you somehow can use the language "it makes me uncomfortable". (that is the magic key word any HR rep hears and immediately does something)
    2. You can say that you have attempted to let your boss know and asked for his/her help to make it stop.

    The reason these 2 steps are important IF YOU CAN do it (and please make EVERY EFFORT TO DO IT) - is that it signifies you aren't just trying to make trouble but you have attempted to go thru the process HR has laid out. (Many HR depts will firsr ask you if you've asked them to stop. If not, you're at ground zero because then they can argue "they may not realize you are being put at discomfort yet".) Now, you can get away wit not telling your boss by saying "i didn't feel comfortable going to my boss about this" (again that magic word "uncomfortable").

    The other magic words for HR are things like, "distracting me from my work", "distracts me from focusing on work", and "uncomfortable work environment"....

    So please do at minimum, ask these men to or let them know that you'd appreciate if they not make such comments to you any longer, that you wish it to stop. (and optionally "i don't feel comfortable receiving such comments from you"). If it continues, then alert your boss, asking him for advice on how it can be stopped or make it so they can't cross paths with you to have the opportunity to make comments. And after that you can go to HR.

    hang in there. I am so sorry this is happening. If you have a co-worker friend that can help be with you at work so you're not as alone for this to happen - that would help. (so you're never alone or walking alone).

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Certainly you have looked at both the laws in your country and read over the company's policies. Unfortunately if what you say is true, and even if such laws/policies are on paper in your country but never enforced, you'll have to consider other approaches.

    You'll have to define what is "annoying" or "creepy" to you and what is possibly construed as sexual harassment. You'll also have to decide if the policies/laws in your country would support you.

    Also you mention that old men vs men your age "creep you out", so you'll have to decide what and who you wish to report and possibly what is just your taste as far as who flirts with you. The other consideration is marching into HR after 4 weeks on a new job claiming "old men" are flirting with you.

    Since this bothers you so much you'll also have to learn how to avoid and deal with it better, because they can't fire every man over your flirting age limit because "it makes you uncomfortable".
    Originally Posted by Qwerty55
    What annoys me are these creepy old men trying to flirt me. I've been attracting old men rather than men around my age at work and it's creeping me out.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Wow that's bothersome.
    While yes if you end up complaining about every man and it's subjective that typically puts up a red flag to HR that yo might be a "complainer"....
    It's also true if you have facts and legitimate concerns (based on what they're saying to you) - you have every right to bring it up.

    This is why i HIGHLY encourage you to first tell these men that you'd like it to stop. If they fail to after you ask them - that's a PROBLEM regardless. Especially if you are uncomfortable.


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