How can I get thru this?

Sorry this is so long. I have nobody to talk to about this stuff and it kills me to keep it inside.

I am trapped in a terrible position. A little over a month ago I became involved with a girl from my work. I was in a relationship at the time and it made things quite difficult and unfair. I asked my girlfriend for a break because i felt awful for how I was acting and thinking for another girl. I admitted to her what I did and how I cheated emotionally and how I did cuddle and kiss this girl. Understandably this hurt my gf a lot. During this break things got insanely passionate and heavy with this girl from my work. We spent an entire week together passionately making love, hanging a lot etc. However, we were both technically free to do what we wanted and my girl from work was still flirty with another guy we work with. So I essentially I was trapped in a love triangle to a certain degree.

I grew feelings fast and hard for this girl and I know she did for me as well. However the doubt always lingered in my mind with her. I became scared and was afraid to get to close and I let my GF who I wasn’t seeing get back into my head and I did not stand my ground. I let my gf convince me to still join me on a trip we had planned before all this. I told my new girl I was seeing this and it crushed her. She basically admitted she has fallen for me and me being with my old gf on a trip was torture to think about. I took my gf anyhow which was a HUGE mistake. My gf and I fought the whole time as she knew I was thinking about this other girl the entire time. Meanwhile, this other girl I was seeing ran into the arms of my other co worker out of spite. When I returned from this trip I went to see this girl from my work. I apologized profusely and things seemed to be ok. However, she was still very mad and upset at me. After I left her house, she later told me she went over to the other guys house and finally slept with him. It cut me like a knife, I was trying so hard to fix things but that right there cut me to the core. I tried sooooo hard to forgive her for it but it’s something I can never forgive. I tried so hard. We started seeing each other again and things seemed to be going really well even though I now knew that I could never trust her. A friend of ours from work essentially interjected herself into this and made this girl I’m seeing feel like a home wrecker and guilty for supposedly breaking up my old gf and I, which isn’t true. This girl from work started to talk like she knows I am going to just leave her and go back to my now ex and that it’s all been too confusing and hard and toxic. Except her actions were different than her words. It all culminated this last weekend. I was at her house and my ex had sent her s bunch of messages lying, claiming we were not broken up (not true) claiming “he’ll never want you” etc etc. This is the straw that broke the camels back. Even though I didn’t do anything at all an did not lie, she told me to leave. She hasn’t spoken to me at all since this. I understand this has all been too hard and toxic and that this girl and I need to stop. We both have serious feelings for each other but it’s never going to work.

Here in lies the huge problem now. As you know I work with this girl. I am living proof that you shouldn’t ever get caught up with coworkers. I have to work with this girl a good 30 hours this week. I have to be around her and it’s going to kill me Bc I know how much I like her. I feel as if everyone interjected them self into this and was sure to see her and I couldn’t work out. Things didn’t end amicably and things ended on an awful note. Somehow I am supposed to then go work two days after this all culminated and pretend I am fine. I know she will put on a front and act like she is totally fine etc Bc she is the type that runs away and pretends there is no problem. I can’t even look st her without feeling A wave of sorrow and emotion. I just so badly wish things could be different and workout but I know that this last time was it.

I don’t know what to do. I know I should have never involved with a coworker. I know I was warned. I do not know what to do.

All you can do is act professional and that's it. How did your gf have her contact info?

It all culminated this last weekend. I was at her house and my ex had sent her s bunch of messages lying, claiming we were not broken up (not true) claiming “he’ll never want you” etc etc. she told me to leave. She hasn’t spoken to me at all since this.

Am I reading this right? You had a girlfriend but you can't forgive your co-worker for sleeping with someone else?

Instagram. Sent her messages

All you can do is act professional and that's it. How did your gf have her contact info?

Instagram. Sent her messages.

Am I reading this right? You had a girlfriend but you can't forgive your co-worker for sleeping with someone else?

My gf and I were separated. I had told her about this other girl and how I’ve been feeling and I told her I need a break and there’s no guarantee we will get back together.

Your gf did the right thing contacting the other girl and warning her. It's out of your hands now, except for being professional with the work girl and learning lessons about stringing a bunch of girls along.

My gf and I were separated. I told her I need a break and there’s no guarantee we will get back together.

My gf and I were separated. I had told her about this other girl and how I’ve been feeling and I told her I need a break and there’s no guarantee we will get back together.

And you still went on a trip with her.

So you had a gf but became obsessed with a girl from work. You "separate" from your gf to pursue this fantasy, then go on a trip with your gf while expecting this girl from work to remain faithful. Is this correct?

Separated? This isn't like marriage, either she was your gf or not.

And you still went on a trip with her.

 

So you had a gf but became obsessed with a girl from work. You "separate" from your gf to pursue this fantasy, then go on a trip with your gf while expecting this girl from work to remain faithful. Is this correct?

I told my gf all about her. Told her how I was feeling. I told her I needed a break. To sort things out. We agreed that we are separated and ok to pursue whatever. She even threatened saying there is no guarantee she takes me back and I told her I understand. Not long after I backslid. I felt and so I let my gf convince me to stop the break and take her on the trip. HUGE mistake. We fought a lot and we ended it early. We talked again and agreed the break was a good idea. I told her if she wants to dump me altogether I understand Bc it’s not fair for her to be strung along. She said she doesn’t want that all yet. I came back from the trip and met up with the other girl. I tried to smooth things over with her. I tried to right the ship. It seemed good like she was forgiving me. Then after I left she went over to his house vulnerable, slept with him, regretted it immediately and poured her heart out to me about it the next day. She said she did it out of spite at me.

It's a fairly simple rule: End things with someone before getting involved with someone else. Repeat that to yourself.

If you don't, this is what happens, now you've completely messed up your own life.

As for the girl at work 'cheating' and sleeping around with another man, no reason why it should surprise you. This is who she is. She had very little morals to begin with.

And you sound very hypocritical to call her out when you did it to your own ex gf.

Hopefully you will learn from this whole mess.

I don't like the fact that you keep saying the gf pretty much forced you to go on a trip with her.

To me it sounds like you orchestrated this so you wouldn't be left empty handed and it backfired on you.

Did you have any sexual contact with your girlfriend/ex girlfriend during the trip?

agreed with everybody else. you wanted your cake and eat it too and now rightfully so - they're both not keen on you.

don't play around like that.

don't hurt people like that.

none of this is "killing you" - quit being so dramatic.

be a professional where you are.

or go find another job and never do this again.

Your workplace sounds like "Days of our Lives"